


Seven to One

by Anorlost



Series: Never tell me the odds [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Cuddling, M/M, Pass it on, Some Swearing, silliness, the knights of ren are dorks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-06-03 04:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 41,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6595864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anorlost/pseuds/Anorlost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux is trying to keep everything under control as he suddenly has seven Rens to contend with.  As he tries to keep them from destroying his ship, he fails to notice that the Knights of Ren have other plans.  Plans that involve...</p>
<p>...cuddling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gaius Ren

**Author's Note:**

> Okay...story time: 
> 
> So this fic was inspired by art on tumblr drawn by The Dog and The Rabbit aka SpaceEmos on tumblr. The knights were all cute and fawning over Hux telepathically and I got the idea for this fic. I was like, six pages into writing when I realized that it was inspired by ANOTHER fic there on A03. I haven't read it, so I hope I'm not ripping off anyone's ideas, and I will give credit where credit is due. It's called To The Pure by K_dAzrael. Also, just fair warning, apparently there's lots of sex in this fic. It's like a chain of inspiration that nobody asked for :D I love fandom!
> 
> Also this whole thing has turned into a big present for my lovely beta Countofeight who I have apparently wrecked with this AU. Their favorite knight is Gaius.

There was probably nothing that could prepare the Finalizer, or her crew for a visit from not one, not two, but six knights of Ren, in addition to Kylo, who was already onboard the ship, as they journeyed to some Force-user pilgrimage site or another. Hux cringed at the thought of it. Seven Rens running amuck, destroying things, terrorizing everyone in sight, barely doing anything productive. Still, he had done all he could. At Kylo’s behest the largest guestroom had been prepared, apparently they all preferred to be lodged together. It was odd, but if it made them peaceable, Hux was not about to complain. As to the crew, they would be working with minimal personnel on active duty to keep people out of the knight’s paths.

In addition, since Hux deemed the situation pressing enough, he had the menu in the mess modified to cater to Kylo’s preferences, arranged for a training room to be empty at all times for the knight’s use, and ordered personnel to be as agreeable as possible. Normally Hux would not have bent over backwards like this for anyone, let alone a gang of Rens, but it was hard enough handling one out of control knight, never mind seven. If he could give Kylo less things to be moody about, there was a chance that it would keep collateral damage to a minimum. He had also explicitly ordered Kylo not to get used to this, and any leniency he experienced was due to his little minions visiting. Kylo had brushed it off and told Hux that he would be greeting his fellow knights alone.

Hux sighed as he patrolled the halls, ensuring all of the changes he had made had been followed to the letter. Pulling out his datapad he looked over the information Kylo had given him on the knights. There was not much, just somewhat blurred holopics of different masks and names with mostly useless personal trivia. Why exactly did he need to know Mako Ren had a six pack anyways?

‘They must all be onboard by now,’ Hux thought to himself. He was surprised nobody had notified him with complaints yet. Perhaps they had all skulked to the guestroom and were doing…whatever exactly it was Force-users did. Kylo rarely asked Hux about military affairs, and Hux likewise never pried about matters that involved the Force, unless it was relevant to completing an objective. For all Hux knew they could be sitting in the dark, aimlessly browsing the holonet and complaining about how their superiors did not understand them.

Glancing down a hall at an intersection, Hux spied a black clad figure. He was significantly shorter than Kylo, which made his appearance somewhat jarring. Almost comical if not for the unimaginable power he probably wielded. Hux had to admit he was dressed far more practically though. With a shorter cape and significantly more armour than Kylo wore. The only thing that took Hux slightly aback was the wide, disk-like hat he wore. He supposed it was part of the knight’s mask, but it looked like a hat, and Hux’s training nagged at the back of his mind, chanting, ‘Hats should not be worn indoors.’

Hux watched the knight, and the knight seemed to be watching him back. When he did not move, Hux glanced down at his datapad and scrolled through the list of knights until he found a match. He flicked his eyes up again, “Gaius Ren?”

The knight lifted his head slightly in response. Hux looked down at the profile. ‘Gaius Ren can’t talk.’ Lovely. Hux approached as Gaius, his boots clicking against the polished floors and echoing off of the walls in the nearly empty hall. He stopped just in front of the knight, his masked face now completely obscured by the wide hat. The knight still made no move to signal or communicate his thoughts or intentions, let alone an explanation as to why he was alone in the hall.

“I am General Hux, welcome aboard the Finalizer,” said Hux firmly. Gaius did not move. Hux arched his brow, “Are you lost…Lord Ren?”

Hux was not sure how he was going to address the knights if they were all in the same room, but for now, Lord Ren ought to suffice. Gaius, still making no movements that might indicate an answer, or if he was even alive under all that armour, was starting to irritate Hux. He bent down slightly and held out his datapad, “Forgive me, I don’t quite understand you. Could you possibly write an answer to my question?”

Gaius reached out. Hux expected the knight to take hold of the datapad, but the knight settled his hand over the General’s gloved one instead. Hux heard a voice inside his head, light and piping like a fife _, “I prefer to talk like this.”_

Hux stiffened, then narrowed his eyes, “I don’t like other people rooting around in my head.”

_“I’m not, I’m just talking to you,”_ came the voice, surprisingly amiably _, “And I need to hold your hand, if you don’t mind. Physical contact makes it easier to talk.”_

Hux arched his brow again, letting the knight hold his hand as he replaced his datapad in his pocket, “You might have warned me.”

_“Sorry,”_ replied Gaius.

Sorry? A Knight of Ren saying ‘sorry’? More than the telepathy, Hux was taken aback by that. Kylo never said sorry, not in earnest. Hux watched the knight hold his hand with both of his as his head tilted up slightly too peer at him from behind his mask.

***

_“Is this him? In the flesh?”_

_“It must be. Do you feel it? The Force that moves through him.”_

_“I felt it through Kylo before but this is something else altogether.”_

_“The darkness about him is as rich as we thought?”_

_“And then some.”_

_“And…you’re holding his hand?”_

_“Yes.”_

**_“…what’s it like…?”_ **

Gaius Ren looked up at the General. Concentrating on two conversations at once was complicated, but more than accomplishable. The General seemed slightly stunned, for some reason, though curiously, Gaius could not sense a single trace of fear. Despite fear being an excellent source of dark energy, feeling the same emotion over and over became slightly tedious, like being forced to eat a favorite meal every day until the sight of it became torturous. Being in the General’s presence, feeling the Force drifting around and passing through him turn dark, but not fearful was like a breath of fresh air.

Though, that was not what his brothers were curious about at the moment. He looked down at the General’s hand, still held tightly in his. He brushed his thumbs over the back of it.

_“He’s got his gloves on, but it feels warm.”_

_“See if you can get him to take it off?”_

_“For Kriff’s sake just bring him to me and I’ll rip it off!”_

_“Good, give in to the anger and desire.”_

_“Seig don’t encourage him!”_

Gaius called out to Hux with his mind, _“If you don’t mind General, it’s easier for me to speak to you with direct contact. Would you mind removing your gloves?”_

He felt the force around Hux become spiked with surprise again. The General spoke slowly, evenly, deliberately, “You’re much more polite than I anticipated.”

He removed the glove from his hand and Gaius’ mind was flooded by the thoughts of his other knights.

_“I didn’t think he’d do it!”_

_“Gaius, don’t you dare blink. Make sure we all get a good look.”_

_“It’s so white. Kylo, he’s paler than you!”_

_“And that’s saying something…”_

_“Kriff, he’s holding it out…”_

Gaius took Hux’s hand again and the voices of the other knights became deafening.

**_“It’s so soft!”_ **

_“Barely any callouses!”_

_“How delicate that lily hand rests in your grasp.”_

_“Such slender fingers...”_

_“Figures his nails would be well kempt. He has a very crisp appearance.”_

_“It’s so warm!”_

_“Well, he was wearing gloves just a second ago.”_

_“Wait…is that…is that a freckle!?”_

**_“He has freckles!?”_ **

There was a deafening exclamation as six voices all cried out in unison, **_“It’s so cute!”_**

“Better?” inquired Hux.

_“Much better, thanks,”_ replied Gaius.

Hux’s lip curled upwards slightly, “I think you’re going to be my favorite.”

_“Hear that? I’m his favorite.”_

_“Wh-what!? No! You can’t be his favorite! I’m his-”_

_“Boyfriend?”_

_“No! I’m not his boyfriend! He’s **my** General and I saw him first, that’s all.” _

_“Your greed feels excellent. It’s good to indulge in such desires.”_

_“Ugh, I’m so sick of your constant preaching.”_

“Well, make yourself at home. You can reach me through the coms if my presence is required. Please don’t destroy my ship,” said Hux.

_“That sounded like a dismissal. I’m gonna let go.”_

_“Already? But they were such delicate lily fingers flecked with kisses from the sun-”_

_“Unacceptable! Overpower him! Bring him to us!”_

_“I’ve known him for a long time and trust me, that is an awful idea.”_

_“But we follow the path of darkness. We ought to give in to our desires. It is how we attain power.”_

_“…I really don’t see what the fuss is. He’s alright I suppose, really cute, kind of pretty, but not sexy. Maybe a six.”_

_“You’re just jealous of his nails. I still can’t get over those nails.”_

_“Right, well, letting go now. Sorry guys.”_

Gaius quickly replied _, “Of course. Glad to meet you General.”_

“Likewise,” replied Hux calmly before taking his hand back and stalking past the knight.


	2. Mako Ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is here, huzzah! I can't believe the positive response this has gotten. 161 kudos!? I'm in total shock and awe! Thanks to everyone for taking an interest in this silly, silly fic!

Hux supposed it was really only a matter of time before he received a Ren related distress call. He had expected it to come from the mess or training areas though, places he had expected that the knights would want to frequent. The archives had been unexpected, and a little worrisome. While most sensitive materials were kept safe under lock and encryption, the archives were still important for morale, housing most of the First Order approved entertainment materials. People often underestimated the importance of having entertainment available to the crew on a ship. Without something to break up a day’s tedium, seeing the same faces over and over, having the same conversations, cabin fever would soon set in, which more often than not lead to restlessness and thoughts of disorder.

Hux had no intention of going down in the annals of First Order history as the General who was lynched because some wayward knight destroyed all of the holovids. He double-checked the message he had received from the head archivist. A knight of Ren, as to which one Hux had no idea, was making it impossible to get to certain sections of the archives. That could mean anything from knocking over shelves or destroying entire sections with one of those ridiculous laser swords.

Upon entering the archives, a team of archivists were gathered around the front desk, whispering fretfully to each other. Hux approached the head archivist, “What happened?”

“He’s blocking the hall in the history section,” was the fearful reply, “And…we’re not sure how to ask him to move.”

Hux blinked once, then twice, then asked in a hushed voice, “So what you’re telling me is you called me all the way here to ask him if he wouldn’t mind getting out of the way because nobody here has the courage to do it?”

The archivist straightened her glasses indignantly, “Well if he’s anything like Lord Ren, can you blame us? We’re not Stormtroopers, we’re librarians!”

She had a fair enough point. Hux sighed and made his way towards the history section. He spotted the knight and immediately understood why it was impossible to get past him. He was sprawled out on the floor, datapad held up to his nose, his head resting on a stack of books and disks. Hux could detect humming coming from behind his modulated mask, a strange sound with an even stranger melody. His mask was vastly different from Kylo’s, and even Gaius’ mask. It was so distinct with its coloured, checked pattern that Hux did not need to look up his name.

This was Mako Ren, the one with the six pack that Kylo had felt it so important to mention. Mako did not look up as Hux approached and continued humming his song, which he seemed to be making up on the spot as he read. Hux tapped his foot on the ground, crossing his arms over his chest, but the knight either had not noticed him or did not care to acknowledge him. Hux glowered and gave a loud cough.

The knight looked up, “Oh my…Oh my, my, my…”

In an instant the knight was on his feet, discarding the datapad near the pile of reference material he had been using as a pillow. The knight rounded on him but Hux stood his ground. Give a Ren an inch and they would take a light-year. He glared down at the knight, who was a few inches shorter than him, and in spite of all his training, nothing could have prepared Hux for the words that came out of the knight’s modulator.

“And who might you be most beauteous vision of loveliness?” asked Mako Ren, bowing and offering his hand.

***

_“Mako what the hell are you doing!?”_

_“Assisting. You’ve always been too nervous to compliment him, since you were unsure of his reactions. Now you can judge from a safe distance if he enjoys it or not.”_

_“That’s not complimenting, that’s flirting! You’re flirting with my General, Mako!”_

_“I’ll be gone in a few days’ time, and you will be left to reap the benefits. So do permit me some time with the beauteous one.”_

“I’m General Hux,” the ‘beauteous one’ replied with a growl. He pointed at the floor, “And you’re blocking the hallway, Lord Ren.”

“It grieves me to think I have caused you pain, my fairest pearl, my glorious sunset,” said Mako with a loud, languished moan. He took Hux’s hand in his own and pressed the mouthpiece of his mask to the gloved hand, “I humbly beg your forgiveness, oh delicate rose of the battlefield.”

_“Mako I swear by the Force…”_

_“What’s going on?”_

_“Mako’s flirting with the General!”_

_“Oh, this should be good.”_

_“Master of Ren, I felt your distress! Is it time for bloodshed?”_

_“It will be if Mako doesn’t back off!”_

_“Hold, my boon companions, he’s…he’s blushing!”_

It was true. Hux wrenched his hand away, a pink tint starting to spread across his face as he crossed his arms again. Mako grinned widely and continued, dropping to one knee and pleading, “Pray don’t withhold your saving grace from me, my ebon clad flower of war. A word of reprieve will save my fainting soul.”

_“I’ve never seen him blush before.”_

_“Wow, he sure gets flustered easily.”_

_“I can feel his insecurity and surprise through you. I didn’t expect such a dark and arrogant presence to have a scrap of modesty left in his mind.”_

_“It’s…cute. His diffidence feels exquisite. Such maidenly reluctance in the face of prai-”_

_“Enough poetry! If you call yourself a knight than claim him through strength, not your insipid words!”_

_“My words are not insipid, you brute!”_

_“Guys, I really don’t want to spend this whole trip listening in on every little detail of you pining over this man. He blushes. Great. Can you give it a rest?”_

_“Do not mock the desires of your fellow knights, Eleo Ren! Truly it will lead them to power!”_

_“Sorry, was meditating and missed part of the conversation. He’s blushing? What a lovely shade of pink. Clashes with his hair a bit, but it does wonders for his eyes…”_

_“Thanks for the inspiration dearest of my brothers.”_

“Turn not those striking ocean orbs from me, my precious dove, most exquisite of all Generals,” pleaded Mako, rising and edging closer to Hux, “Let me drown in the sea of your eyes. Let those blue-green squalls dash me upon the rocks and consume me completely.”

“I forgive you, alright!” snapped Hux, now an absurd shade of red. He crouched down, picking up the books and disks and thrusting them roughly into Mako’s arms, clattering against his midnight armour, “You can’t lie in the middle of the floor. You can check out whichever materials you like, or read in the sitting area.”

_“Yikes…I felt that go through your armour.”_

_“Told you he’d be pissed…”_

_“But look at that blush and tell me it wasn’t worth the marginal pain?”_

_“He’s a little darling. With a little polishing he would be gorgeous.”_

_“Yeah…what was that thing you gave me? The shampoo. He might like it. His hair looks like it needs it”_

**_“Yes,”_** agreed a chorus of six voices.

_“No, that one’s too flowery. He’d probably prefer something stronger like mint or spices.”_

_“So we plan on bathing him first?”_

_“Look at him E’chon, he needs it!”_

_“Light is sterile, true beauty resides in darkness…which is why we need to condition that red mop of his.”_

_“His skin was soft, but a little moisturizer never hurt.”_

_“Oh! Might we weave delicate flowers into those crimson locks?”_

“Look, are you just going to stand there staring at me or are you going to move?” snapped Hux.

_“Sorry brothers, I need to focus. Our stunning General requires my attention.”_

“Forgive me my lamb, my angel,” pleaded Mako, clutching his stack of reading material to his chest, “I was awe-struck by your dazzling visage and was unable to contain myself.”

Hux groaned and grabbed Mako by the shoulders, hauling him away to where he had indicated the sitting area was, “You can’t block the stacks like that!”

_“This delicate flower of yours has quite the grip...”_

_“I warned you!”_

_“It’s a paltry, womanly hold! I could break free and defeat him in an instant!”_

Hux pulled out a chair and shoved Mako into it. He turned and pointed at the stacks, “You’ll find fiction over there, I’m afraid we’ve only got war poetry though. Mind you stay out of the way in the future and don’t destroy my ship.”

“Such disarming kindness the crimson-haired flower of the First Order has shown me,” sighed Mako, “I shall be sure to repay this consideration tenfold!”

“Just…don’t destroy anything,” grumbled Hux before taking the long way back to get to the exit. He needed to get rid of this damned blush…


	3. Hathor Ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to meet Team Mom Hathor. Hux still has no idea what's happening, but he's starting to get suspicious. As for Kylo, he is still Jelly :P 
> 
> The adventures of the Dorks of Ren continue

The next Ren Hux encountered, like the first, was purely accidental. Despite the heat fading from his face he felt the need to give it a good scrub, just in case some trace of weakness had been left behind. He could not believe the forward gall of Mako Ren. Vision of loveliness? Delicate flower of the First Order? Begging to drown in his eyes? Hux nearly flushed all over again. It was a far cry from the things he had been called in training. It was the job of their teachers to break them of any notion that they would be coddled or treated as if they were special little snowflakes. In fact, they made it clear that their differences were not a thing to be celebrated. Hux had gotten used to his hair in particular being singled out when it was his turn to receive verbal abuse, or his lanky build, or the fact that he was the son of the commandant, or his introverted habits.

Being called a rose or a pearl was something else entirely. He never expected anyone would call him something like that, even as a joke. He was not sure if he found the whole ordeal flattering or insulting. He was not delicate or lovely, he was a General. Being delicate and lovely was not going to help him crush his enemies under the might of the First Order.

He stepped into the washroom and examined his face in the mirror. It seemed the same. His pallor was still wan, his eyes still lightly bruised from too many sleepless nights, red hair neatly tucked into place. Hux felt he looked the same as he always had, hardly a precious dove or glorious sunset. He pulled off his gloves, pulled his sleeves back carefully and rested his hands under the motion sensors. The water came out in a warm, heavy stream that Hux carefully splashed over his face, taking pains not to spray his uniform.

He scrubbed for a few minutes, making his face a bit ruddy with the effort, but he felt refreshed. He reached for the soap dispenser and gasped when a black hand stopped him.

Somehow one of the Rens had gotten the drop on him. This one was a bit shorter than Mako, but significantly taller than Gaius. His mask was a pure, polished black with a slit for his eyes to peer through, and was so reflective that Hux could see himself in it. His weapons, a blade and a blaster it seemed, hung by his sides, both immaculately kept and brightly polished. The knight pulled Hux’s hand away from the dispenser.

“That stuff is awful for your skin,” said the knight, his voice was modulated like Mako’s and Kylo’s, but it seemed to have a lighter quality to it. It might have been the way he had modified it, but he had an almost sweet, tenor tone.

“It’s a good disinfectant,” countered Hux, pulling his wrist free and meeting the knight’s gaze fearlessly, “And which Lord Ren might you be?”

“Hathor Ren,” said the knight evenly. He reached into a pouch at his belt and pulled out what appeared to be a small bar of soap wrapped in a cleaning cloth, “You should use this instead.”

“I beg your pardon?” said Hux, arching his brow.

“Your skin is naturally clear and soft, but it could use some polish. A decent soap goes a long way.”

Hux narrowed his eyes slightly, “And how exactly do you know what my skin feels like?”

   ***  

_“Can I not leave you helmet-heads alone for five minutes!? Cut it out or he’ll figure us out!”_

_“He needs this! Look at him!”_

_“Every tender flower requires love and care. You can’t deny that.”_

_“Yes! Bathe the soft-handed General and bring him to us!”_

_“I can’t bathe him in a sink E’Chon.”_

_“Indeed, he should be bathed using the correct and most ancient Sith rituals…and at least be given a proper shampooing. It looks like he washes with hand-soap.”_

_“I wouldn’t put it past him.”_

_“That’s disgusting. I can’t believe all of my brothers are still mooning over this filthy mess of a man…”_

“I’ll repeat myself just this once. How do you know what my skin feels like?” demanded Hux sharply.

_“Shit…what should I do?”_

_“Say it’s a guess!”_

_“Say you observed it!”_

_“Alright, that should work.”_

“Just a guess, based on observation,” replied Hathor flippantly. He pressed the bar of soap into Hux’s hand, “Go ahead. I’m not letting you use that disgusting pink slime.”

Hux rolled his eyes and began washing his hands as six Rens looked on through Hathor’s eyes.

_“The fool knows nothing of exfoliation! Make him do it properly!”_

_“That is a terrible idea, he will hit you.”_

_“I still feel sort of bad for him. Looks like he’s never seen a bar of decent soap in his life.”_

_“He probably hasn’t. These military types are worse than Jedi when it comes to control and self-deprivation.”_

_“How awful!”_ six voices chorused.

_“Must have been stifling.”_

_“Cold.”_

_“Thankless.”_

_“Oppressive.”_

_“Smothering.”_

_“Restrictive.”_

_“We have no idea how you survived it as long as you did, Master of Ren.”_

Hathor, closing his eyes, allowed his feelings to drift towards their leader. His comfort, his care, his love for his brother. The other knights did the same, sending Kylo their thoughts and feelings. He often needed them when Jedi training was brought up. For ones like them who derived their power from emotion, being ordered to cut them off was one of the cruelest things imaginable. Once they felt Kylo return to his usual, somewhat finicky state of temporary peace they pulled back, only slightly.

Once they were confident Kylo had been adequately comforted, Hathor turned his attention back to Hux.

_“Shall I attempt showing him?”_

_“I think he’d be pretty insulted if you tried to wash his hands for him.”_

_“But he’s doing it all wrong! How do his nails stay so pristine when he doesn’t even try to scrub underneath them? He’s missing the backs of his hands and between his fingers! No wonder he wears gloves, his hands are probably filthy.”_

_“They seemed fine to me.”_

_“Well they aren’t fine. I’m taking matters into my own hands.”_

“You’re doing that wrong,” said Hathor irately.

“Pardon?” asked Hux.

“You need to wash the back of your hands, between your fingers, under your nails, down the sides. You can’t just rotate the soap between your palms and expect they entire hand to be clean,” huffed Hathor. With a slight, disapproving click of his tongue he added, “And you’re not even exfoliating properly.”

“Is that some sort of Force technique?” asked Hux dryly, washing his hands more thoroughly.

Six voices thundered in Hathor’s mind, **_“He’s never heard of exfoliation?!”_**

_“I will draw a bath! Bring him to me and I will show his pores no mercy!”_

_“He will be prepared as the darkness dictates! With lavender body soap and a new refresher pouf!”_

_“That is a terrible idea, he will try to kill you.”_

_“Yeah, I mean, can you imagine being bathed by seven strange men?”_

_“Yes, but we are seven gathered into one consciousness, and he knows the Master of Ren well enough, it should not prove such a strange thing. Really it would be like being bathed by seven Kylos.”_

_“Just don’t do it. He’ll hate it.”_

Hathor sighed, returning to the verbal conversation, “No, it’s a cleansing technique. You scrub hard to strip away dead skin, open up the pores of your skin and clean more deeply. You ought to take better care of your skin. And don’t get me started on your hair…”

Hux looked up through the corner of his eye, irritation coming off of him in spades. He returned the soap and glowered, “I believe I keep myself in an adequate state of cleanliness.”

“It’s not about being disinfected” said Hathor more insistently, looming darkly over the General, “It’s about caring for your body. Nurturing it. Rewarding it for the work it does. You’re a man, not some pack-animal on a mining outpost. You deserve care and attention after a hard day’s labour. Besides, the universe would be a boring place without a little beauty to liven it up.”

Confusion started rolling off of Hux, despite the passive, almost bored expression on his face. There were traces of curiosity as well. He had never heard of such a notion before, it seemed. The concept of giving oneself a reward was entirely alien to him, and his natural reaction to the unknown appeared to be insatiable, almost childlike curiosity.

_“Master of Ren, your General is hopeless…please let me take care of him.”_

_“I feel so bad for him…Hasn’t anyone taken care of him before?”_

_“Probably not. Like I said, these military types are insane.”_

_“The little gem will shine after a little careful polish. His energy feels like it would do us wonders, and he clearly needs affection. I see why you selected him.”_

_“Look…he doesn’t know we chose him yet, and he gets angry. Very angry. We have to make our proposal delicately. So no forcing him into a bath, alright?”_

_“I still want to mother him, the helpless darling…he didn’t even know what exfoliation was.”_

“Here,” said Hathor, wrapping the soap up and handing it to Hux, “A gift in exchange for your hospitality, General. Be sure to use it diligently.”

Hux looked down at the soap in his hand, slightly surprised before turning his gaze back to the dark eye-slit in the helmet, “I gratefully accept it. Though I also hope you might show your thanks by not destroying my ship.”

_“He sure likes saying that…”_

_“Uh…yeah…sometimes my temper compels me to violence…I think he expects us all to be the same.”_

_“It is good to give in to your rage. It’s nothing to be apologetic about! If anything, he should be shown the error of his stifling ways!”_

_“Still, I want to give him a gift too. Such a gorgeous pearl requires proper wooing.”_

_“You are not wooing my General!”_

_“Right, because he’s your boyfriend.”_

_“Dammit Gaius, he’s not my boyfriend! I…saw him first is all, and he’s assigned to me so…”_

_“Uh-huh…”_

_“Indeed.”_

_“Certainly.”_

_“You guys are assholes!”_

A sound echoed in the refresher. Kylo quickly explained, _“It’s a message tone on a datapad. You’ll hear that a lot while you’re here.”_

Sure enough, the General pulled out a datapad and glanced down at it, “I’m afraid I’m needed elsewhere. Thank you for the soap, Lord Ren.”

“You can thank me by making good use of it,” replied Hathor.

_“Is he usually so busy?”_

_“Unfortunately.”_

_“Did you notice what called him away?”_

_“I have no idea, but he left pretty quickly.”_

_“…Eleo…I can feel metal and tools in your hands. Wait…You’re taking apart a cannon?”_

_“I wanted to see how it worked.”_

_“…I think you’re going to be meeting him next.”_

_“Oh, goody, I get your undivided attention so you can all fawn over your unwashed, stern-faced crush. Lucky me…”_


	4. Eleo Ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...if Hathor is the mom...
> 
> Eleo is the weird uncle who practically lives in his garage. He has an old car he swears he can get in working condition again. His walls are also lined with playboy posters that make everyone who visits his workspace really uncomfortable.

Putting things in perspective it was probably a miracle that it took so long for one of the Rens to actually break something. Hux had not expected it to be one of the weapons though. The cannons were fairly out of the way. He was used to something like a control panel or a console or a door being irreparably damaged. Something that was easily accessible and might find itself unfortunate enough to be in the way of a rampaging Ren. This one would have had to have gone out of his way to get to a cannon. This had clearly been thought out, at least a little.

As he walked briskly through the Finalizer, his hands bothered him a little. He felt distracted by them. The backs of his hands being brushed by the plush lining of his gloves felt odd. It was not as if he never had the opportunity to notice before, and surely the layers of dead skin and grime had not been so thick as to block off his nerves. They were probably tender from all the scrubbing, and they smelled strange. Like some sort of flower. It was a good thing he had the gloves on. He was loathe to think what his crew might say if they caught a whiff of some flowery perfume coming from him.

Besides, now was not the time to be thinking about soaps and flowers. One of the Rens had disarmed one of the cannons, and checking back moments later, it seemed to have been completely disconnected. Kylo was out. He would not have put so much effort into a tantrum. Mako was in the archives, Gaius seemed civil enough not to do such things, and he had been with Hathor at the time, so that left either E’Chon, Eleo, or Seigurd Ren.

What useless little details had Kylo left about them? E’Chon ate the most. Eleo was prone to getting ingrown toenails. Seigurd spent the most time meditating. With that Hux thought it might be plausible to rule out Seigurd, but perhaps taking apart a cannon was part of some strange training exercise. It could be any one of them really.

It took Hux a while to reach the weapons deck, and then a little more time to find the dismantled cannon. In the middle of it all sat Eleo Ren. The General recognized him by the mask that resembled one that was designed to filter out toxins. Unlike the other knights, he looked up as soon as Hux entered and let out an irritated sigh. Hux also noticed that all of the parts had been laid out neatly, close to all of the pieces they were meant to connect to, with all of the little screws and bolts placed neatly next to their respective pieces.

“Lord Ren, I should like very much for you to put the ventral cannon back together,” said Hux firmly.

“You can’t call us all Lord Ren. Eventually you’re going to wind up in a room with more than one of us,” said the knight tiredly, “Call me Eleo. The others are fine with you using their names. The only one you should be calling Lord Ren is our order’s master.”

Hux cocked his brow at that, “So they told you? You converse with them by your power.”

“Of course,” replied Eleo. He glanced about at all the parts, “It will take some time, but I’ll put it back together for you. I wasn’t going to leave it like this.”

Hux looked at the organized mess that used to be a cannon. There were no tools to be found, the knight probably pulled the whole thing apart with the Force. Hux retrieved a maintenance kit from the wall and sat down.

“What are you doing?” demanded the knight.

“I was asked to have the cannon repaired if possible and to escort you from here. If the mechanics are anything like the archivists, they won’t come within ten feet of a Knight of Ren. The sooner the cannon is repaired, the sooner we can leave,” said Hux, starting to put the screws back into place.

   ***

_“…you don’t like him?”_

_“It’s not that I dislike him. I’m just not as interested in him as the rest of you. I don’t mind him. He’s sort of cute, and he looks like he’s good with machines. There’s just no spark.”_

_“We’d all prefer it if you felt something stronger for him than indifference.”_

_“Look, I agree, he’s cute, he’s just not really my type. The six of you are all very taken with him though. I’m sure I’ll be able to experience your excitement and admiration vicariously through you.”_

_“That isn’t the point, Eleo. In order to achieve the greatest result in our endeavors we all ought to feel something for the vessel in question. If you’re indifferent to him, we will attempt to find another.”_

_“That still shouldn’t stop the rest of you. You six go ahead and I’ll sit it out. I’ll still experience your emotional fulfillment and any pleasure you derive from the experience.”_

_“Ugh…that’s not the point you hard-headed grease-monkey!”_

Eleo sighed and gave the General a sideways glance through his mask. He was not bad looking. Kind of on the slim side. The dark Force that seemed to have settled around him was very refreshing, and remarkably focused for someone aligned with darkness. It felt nice, admittedly, but he was not experiencing the elation or attraction that his brothers all felt.

_“We can all sense your disappointment with him. You know we hide nothing from each other.”_

_“You misinterpret my feelings.”_

_“Oh…Eleo, you shouldn’t think that about yourself. You aren’t disappointing us.”_

_“I sense your feelings as you sense mine. I know how much this meant to you all. I don’t want to have ruined this for you.”_

_“Our disappointment would stem from the loss, brother, not your wishes conflicting with ours.”_

_“But the loss would be a direct result of my feelings.”_

Suddenly Eleo felt a wave of comfort descend on him. His brothers filled him with feelings of understanding, respect and affection. The feelings were genuine. They understood. They did not want him to feel pressured to conform to them. They did not want to force him to experience feelings he had no wish to partake in.

He glanced at the General again. He understood Kylo’s attraction. He had felt the budding feelings through their order’s master a few months after his placement on the Finalizer. They all had. They had slowly gotten to know the General through Kylo’s experiences with him, felt his dark aura, heard his often stinging wit, taken in his features. Eleo had been happy for their leader, he was glad Kylo could experience feelings of love and attraction, and was grateful that he allowed his fellow knights the privilege of experiencing his attraction with him, allowing them to draw on the emotional experience for strength. It still seemed like two completely different things to feel attraction for oneself and experiencing it through someone else.

“You haven’t much to say for yourself, have you?” noted Hux casually.

“What’s there to say?” replied Eleo.

“You could explain why you felt the need to take apart a cannon that doesn’t belong to you,” the General countered.

Eleo groaned slightly, “I was going to put it back together. My brothers and I can’t sense any incoming threats. You wouldn’t have missed it.”

“That’s hardly the point. I don’t know how the Knights of Ren operate, but on this ship you don’t go disassembling things that don’t belong to you without permission,” warned Hux.

_“Your boyfriend is bossy…”_

_“He’s not my boyfriend!”_

Eleo sighed, “I wanted to see how it worked. I’ve an interest in designing weapons.”

“You could have asked for schematics. I’d have given them to you gladly,” chided Hux.

“This is better. You get to see all the parts, feel how they fit, it’s better for learning, don’t you think?” said the knight.

“Whether it’s a superior method of learning is hardly relevant,” said Hux.

Eleo could see himself on friendly terms with the General, despite his bossiness. Perhaps someone he could have a decent conversation with. With a little more time he might even come to feel admiration for him, but he was still missing the physical attraction that his brothers felt. Hux was very slim, very delicate looking and very fair. Eleo could appreciate his appearance, but there was nothing about him that he felt particularly compelling.

_“And that’s okay, really.”_

_“We remain steadfast in our respect as we do in our strength!”_

_“There are billions of beings out there. There must be one in this celestial vastness who we can all agree on.”_

_“Desire must be felt naturally. Feelings must not be forced.”_

Eleo felt another wave of understanding crash over him as his fellow knights showered him with their feelings. The cannon was almost completed. He was just lifting the large sheets of metal casing back into place as Hux rose to his feet, screwdriver in hand.

Eleo paused as he watched him, _“Wait…hold on.”_

_“What is it? We feel your surprise.”_

Hux brushed the back of his tunic and Jodhpurs off with his free hand as he moved towards the cannon. Eleo watched him from behind, still seated, getting a very clear view up the back of Hux’s tunic. He watched the General run his hand over his rear and his thighs to get rid of all the dust before setting to work securing the metal casing.

_“His ass…”_

_“Wh-what about it?”_

_“All these months and you never let us know he has an amazing ass!?”_

_“E-Eleo stop looking at it…”_

_“Your feelings are commanding me to do the opposite. How could you keep this from me!? Why did none of you look at his ass!?”_

_“I just didn’t get a look at him from behind.”_

_“As was the case with myself.”_

_“He moved too quickly for me to get a good look.”_

_“He always wears that tunic! I wasn’t about to get down and the floor and look up the back of his shirt like some pervert!”_

“Is something wrong? You stopped,” said Hux.

“I’m communing with my brothers. We’re having a philosophical debate,” said Eleo calmly.

Hux let out a slight huff of laughter. The Force around him fluttered slightly in time with his amusement.

_“Asses are very important to me! Look at it! Look at that firm, shapely ass!”_

_“Are we…detecting attraction from you?”_

_“Look, you can all fawn over his face or hands or hair or Force Aura or personality or whatever. Call me shallow, but when it comes down to it you’ve got to have a nice ass.”_

_“C-could we stop looking at his ass?”_

_“No, Master of Ren, behold it! It’s glorious. I thought he wouldn’t have one because he’s thin as a rail, but look at it! There’s a couple of perky handfuls hidden in those pants. Someone clearly doesn’t skip leg day.”_

_“Then, if I am not mistaken…we are all in concurrence with each other. Our agreement upon the General makes him a suitable vessel.”_

_“At last! Eleo! Subdue him and bring him to us!”_

_“I would normally be the last to tell you to quell the urge to indulge yourself E’chon, but there are still matters to see to. If his mind is too fragile he may not suit our needs.”_

_“He just told me not to destroy his ship and left. Damn, it looks even better when he’s walking away…”_

_“Then I will intercept and question him. There is also one small matter to attend to.”_

_“Yes, there are seven of us and one of him.”_

_“Obviously the Master of Ren will be his primary care-giver.”_

_“Because he’s his boyfriend.”_

_“Gaius, you’re on thin ice…”_

_“Then we will settle who will be secondary in accordance with our code.”_

_“Trial by combat! At long last!”_

_“I’ll be sure to make mincemeat masterpieces of you all.”_

_“T’will be a battle for troubadours to sing of for ages to come!”_

_“Don’t get cocky you two, I brought my arsenal with me.”_

_“Hey, don’t count me out!”_

_“And don’t begin just yet. Be prepared and vigilant. Wait until I have evaluated him.”_


	5. Seigurd Ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 299 kudos!? Holy crap! Thank you so much for reading this fic! I'm just blown away by how many people like this! 
> 
> So if Hathor is the mom and Eleo is the weird uncle...
> 
> Seigurd is that distant relative who's super religious and will never admit to being just as big a dork as everyone else.

The fifth knight of Ren found him. Hux had been on his way to the bridge when a black robed figure suddenly blocked his path. He was not tall, and he was unfamiliar with large, goggle-like eyes on his helmet and a mantle over his shoulders. This must have been Seigurd Ren, the one who meditated a lot. And apparently one who would not get out of the way.

“Excuse me, can I help you?” demanded Hux indignantly, “Or do you enjoy making a roadblock of yourself?”

“General Hux, I am Seigurd Ren,” said the knight, bowing with practiced precision and reverence, “I require you to assist me in a most pressing ritual.”

Hux arched his brow, “Wouldn’t you rather have one of your own assist you? I saw Eleo Ren not too long ago.”

“It requires you specifically. It is a test of the mind,” explained Seigurd.

Hux crossed his arms, “Look I wouldn’t have made General if I was an idiot.”

“Not intelligence. The mind. The vessel which contains your desire and intuitive thoughts. The mind that influences the Force that flows through you and all living things,” recited the knight with profound reverence.

“Look, I’m not terribly interested in having my palm read. I’m not sensitive to this Force of yours so I’d rather put myself to better use elsewhere,” argued Hux.

“It is of the greatest importance!” thundered Seigurd. As he shouted the lights flickered and the metal of the walls began to dimple and buckle.

“Stop that!” snapped Hux.

“My anger moves me to violence! The Force moves through me freely! Passion leads to power!” raved the knight like some sort of preaching zealot.

Hux stomped up to him, “Alright! I’ll help you with your ritual! But you’re going to fix this hallway immediately!”

Almost immediately the flickering stopped. The knight waved his hand and slowly the dents began to fix themselves. It was not a clean fix. There would be work to be done later, but it was serviceable for now. Hux groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, “You had better not poke around my brain.”

“The brain and the mind are two separate entities,” corrected Seigurd, “Now, we will require an altar.”

“I’m not going to let you make a blood sacrifice of anything on this ship,” growled Hux, “It will take ages to get the stains out.”

“This ritual requires no sacrifice. Any sort of table that can support a decent amount of weight will serve nicely,” said the knight.

Hux checked his datapad, flicking through tabs and folders at a breakneck pace. Finally he found what he was looking for, “There’s a meeting room with a conference table that isn’t being used at the moment. Will that suffice?  Will that stop you from destroying things?”

“It is adequate,” replied the zealous knight.

Hux sighed. What sort of nonsense had he gotten himself into this time?

   ***

The potential vessel, the General, this _Hux_ creature, was not showing any interest in being cooperative. He looked over the makeshift altar disdainfully and kept his arms crossed, defiance tainting the Force around him. He seethed, “I’m not lying down on a conference table. That’s ridiculous.”

Seigurd waved his hand and the chairs around his ‘altar’ jumped back. He pounded his hand against it insistently, “General for optimal precision it is imperative that you lay down upon the altar!”

“Conference table…” groaned Hux. His brow arched, “How can I trust you’re not going to sacrifice me or rip out my still beating heart and eat it?”

_“He is being…difficult.”_

_“Hold him down then!”_

_“If you explain it to him he’ll be more cooperative. He likes having all the information before he makes decisions.”_

“I will simply be evaluating the quality of the Force that moves through you. I will also be judging the worthiness of your mind,” said the knight.

“Worthiness for what?” questioned Hux.

“To see if you are worthy of our presence,” explained Seigurd.

Hux left out a sudden bark of laughter and the Force about him leapt with amusement. The Force certainly responded nicely to his emotions, and his presence mottled and twisted it to darkness. His aura and energy already seemed to be of excellent quality. The General sneered, “Did your leader put you up to this? If it’s a joke, it isn’t amusing.”

“You will not make mockery of our rituals,” said Seigurd darkly, “To mock the rituals is to mock the Order of Ren. To mock the Order of Ren is to invite anguish and death.”

Hux rolled his eyes slightly, “Right, well, let’s get this over with.” He began to remove his boots, “You promise not to scramble my brain?”

“It will be non-invasive. A simple evaluation,” assured Seigurd.

Hux sat on the table and hesitated before lying back. The knights observing through Seigurd all watched him settle back, perceived his discomfort at lying on a surface that was not meant for lying on, and of course admired his lovely features and aura. The potential vessel, Hux, was a captivating, if strange, creature.

“I feel ridiculous,” muttered Hux.

“Lay still and simply allow yourself to exist. Close your eyes and focus on this moment,” instructed the knight.

“I’d rather keep them open if it’s all the same,” said Hux.

_“Um…he’s not scared, is he?”_

_“He is, but it’s not a full on fear. Merely a smattering of fretfulness on a larger canvas. It’s also mostly situational if I’m reading him correctly.”_

_“It seems our noble rose is a shrinking violet in disguise. He seems averse to attentiveness.”_

_“Weird. He makes all those speeches and holovids for morale. I know he isn’t shy.”_

_“It’s different when you’re getting one on one attention. It’s more personal. He’s also being judged. I only talked to him briefly but he seemed kind of abrasive. He probably hates being judged.”_

_“But lying before us our fair General’s visage begs admiring.”_

_“He is very lovely.”_

_“Enough tests! Let us fight for the General!”_

_“No fighting.  Not yet. Let me work…”_

“Whether they are open or closed matters not, so long as you endeavor to focus on this moment,” instructed Seigurd.

He stood at the head of the conference altar and set his hands on either side of the General’s head. He could feel all of his emotions and stray, powerful thoughts. He was apprehensive. He disliked lying on a surface he used for work. His positioning made him feel vulnerable. He was anticipating a surprise attack. The feelings flowed through him not with the naturalness of one belonging to darkness, but the choppy repression of the light. And yet, his aura, the Force that moved through him was pure darkness. Not even a fleck of light to be seen.

Seigurd leaned forward and waved a hand over the General’s chest. His fellow knights watched him move the Force around him, bending it, swaying it, and examining it closely. They all agreed the quality was excellent, but Seigurd wanted to see what was behind it. How could one as orderly and repressed as this belong to the darkness?

He walked about, slowly, letting the Force slip through his fingers and analyzing all of the feelings. Emotions were like tapestries. Examining the whole thing was reading the mood, but unraveling it, following the trail revealed the source and intent, the depth and length, the quality of the materials used to create it. He took one such thread, the desire to leave and began to unwind it intuitively.

Why did he want to leave? He had work to attend to. Why was it so important that he worked? If he did not work, others may shirk their duties. And why should he care if his underlings worked or not? If they did not work the ship would fail. And why was it so important that the ship not fail? The ship was important to the First Order, he could not afford to allow it to be ill maintained. And what made the First Order so important?

The thread nearly pulled Seigurd into a chasm of full and deep emotion. Without the First Order there was chaos! There was a fathomless, raging hatred for chaos that ripped through the General at all times. A hatred for all who supported chaos in the galaxy, for those incompetent fools who caused its ruin! And within it, a festering need to fix everything. To right the wrongs at any cost! Seigurd saw plans for murder and destruction on grandiose scales born from the slightest efforts. All converging back on his need for control and order. The seemingly endless abyss of hate and fear tore wider, threatening to swallow him. Seigurd quickly pulled back, his eyes wide behind his mask.

_“I knew he hated things out of order but…shit…”_

_“Damn.”_

_“By all that’s beautiful in the universe…he almost has more anger than one of our own.”_

_“Methinks his roots run deep…”_

_“Glad I changed my mind about him.”_

_“Then we fight?”_

_“Yes, you can arrange that fight now.”_

“The evaluation is finished. You’re free to go,” said Seigurd.

“Did I pass?” asked Hux. As he slipped off the table and retrieved his boots he added irately, “Am I worthy? Have I earned the privilege of your company?”

“Hold your disrespectful tongue,” growled Seigurd. He allowed his voice to soften as Gaius explained the defense mechanism known as ‘sarcasm.’ The knight sighed, “Yes, you are worthy of us. Your hatred runs deep, even though you curb and stem it like a loathsome Jedi.”

“You want me to throw tantrums like Kylo Ren?” asked Hux, finishing with his boots.  

“Indeed, you ought to. The path to true power lies in passion and desire. The only way to proceed down that path is by giving in to those desires and passions. It is our way,” said the knight reverently.

The General projected tedium, “I’ll take my chances with order and efficiency, thank you.”


	6. Kylo Ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, weekends are pretty hectic for me, but I promise to get back to everyone's comments as soon as I get the time to do so. 
> 
> Also, this is a crack/fluff fic. I understand not everybody is as in character as they could be. I'm just having fun and being silly. Sorry if I made Kylo too much of a dork.

There were a few hours of peace before the Rens bulldozed through any semblance of tranquility again. To their credit it was a few hours, Hux supposed. Still, he would have preferred it if they all stayed in their room meditating, visited their temple, and then were on their way. Why did they have to make this so difficult? Why did they have to cause a ruckus at every opportunity? All in the same day he had been introduced to touch-telepathy, been waxed about poetically, gifted with strange soap, put together a dismantled cannon, and been roped into some weird ritual or other. Admittedly some of those things were more pleasant that others, but they had all been varying degrees of uncomfortable.

And now they were all fighting. Thankfully it was in the training room, so that ought to contain some of the damage, they had evidently caused enough destruction that someone felt the need to pull the alarm and evacuate the entire deck.

Hux groaned as he stalked closer and closer to where the sound was coming from. He was probably a few hundred yards away but he could hear the clattering and war-whoops as if he were standing right next to them. He ground his teeth as the noise grew louder and louder. He heard…blasters? Metal clattering? He had expected to hear the crash of lightsabers meeting. So the knights of Ren were shooting at each other. Wonderful.

Opening the blast door made the sounds of combat almost deafening. Hux’s jaw dropped as he took in the chaos. There were Rens climbing up walls. Rens bashing each other with oversized metal blades. Rens firing blasters with wild abandon. Rens flinging other Rens around with their powers. All the while Kylo stood firm, rooted to the ground, surveying the fighting with what appeared to be solemnity. Hux was in no mood for this though. He had given them use of the training room for training, not so they could destroy it.

Hux marched up to Kylo, “What do you think you’re doing!?”

“We’re settling a dispute,” replied Kylo gravely.

“I said there was to be no fighting on board this ship!” snapped Hux.

“Think of it as sparring,” said Kylo.

“I know sparring, this is not sparring!” growled Hux, “Call them off!”

Kylo growled back, “I can’t until the trial by combat is finished. Unless you would like to stop them yourself. Go ahead General. March right out there and make them stop.”

“Fine then, I will,” said Hux defiantly.

As he tried to step out into what he could only classify as the combat area, Kylo clamped his hands over his shoulder, “Stop it! I didn’t…don’t go out there!”

Hux pushed his hands away, “Then call them off. Or do you want to explain to the Supreme Leader why I was cut down at the hands of your knights?”

“I’ll tell him you were being an idiot and got in the way of one of our rituals! Just…don’t go out there. The room’s been wrecked. A few more blaster bolts don’t really matter now,” said Kylo.

“And whose fault is that?” seethed Hux.

   ***

_“Guys…he’s here…”_

_“The beauteous vision of loveliness!”_

_“The fixer-upper.”_

_“The prize!”_

_“He came to watch? That’s nice of him.”_

_“N-no…he’s mad at me…again.”_

_“As much as we would delight in communing with the master of our order, we are occupied with the Combat Ritual.”_

_“Sorry…I just…I get so nervous…”_

_“Speak of his beauty.”_

_“Dominate him!”_

_“Seduce him with darkness.”_

_“Suggest a good cuticle oil.”_

_“Give him a weapon. He seemed to like weapons.”_

_“Just try talking to him.”_

Kylo looked over at Hux. Infuriating, arrogant, and yet somehow the most lovely person he had ever set his eyes on. It went beyond pure aesthetic appreciation. He often found himself wanting to hold the Generals hand or kiss his cheek or rest his hand at the very narrow small of his back. Even now he was starting to get urges. Seigurd would tell him to give in if he were not busy dodging E’Chon’s deadly swing. Still, he felt he should not trust his instincts on this. Hux did not like being grabbed suddenly, he would probably hate a surprise kiss on the cheek.

“I didn’t expect you would take to needling into our affairs,” said Kylo. _“No! Shit! That came out wrong!”_

“It’s hard not to needle when your Seigurd Ren nearly imploded an entire hallway and roped me into lying on a conference table while he waved his hands around. But you knew all about that, didn’t you?” spat Hux. He tilted his head slightly to glare up at Kylo, “You’ve been using your minions to spy on me all day.”

_“Minions?!”_

_“He didn’t mean it E’Chon.”_

_“Yeah, I haven’t really tried to explain it to him yet…I just really don’t want to scare him off…”_

_“I sensed some anxiety in him, mostly work related. He does not fear us.”_

_“I don’t want him to start though.”_

“Well, have you?” demanded Hux.

“We commune with each other regularly. The fact that you met them all and I happened to observe it is entirely incidental. Don’t go thinking you’re special,” Kylo spat back. _“Shit! No! You’re special Hux! You’re so, so special! I didn’t mean it!”_

_“Just relax. Try asking him about work.”_

“I trust all of your affairs are proceeding as planned?” asked Kylo.

“Of course, seven rather obnoxious hiccups aside,” said Hux. He paused for a moment, “I shouldn’t say that. Some of them seemed amiable.”

**_“He likes us!”_ **

“Though I’d like to know what that ridiculous ritual was about. Did you order that?” demanded Hux.

“Yes, as a precaution,” said Kylo. _“Guys…I don’t think I can tell him…I’m afraid he’ll be freaked out.”_

“To what end exactly?” asked Hux sharply.

“It’s…none of your business alright? It’s safe for you to be around us, that’s all,” said Kylo. _“Help! I’m blowing it!”_

_“Now’s as good a time as any to come- Ouch!”_

_“Such a graceless fall Gaius.”_

_“Have you tried speaking soft words of love?”_

_“Dominate him as I dominate this field!”_

“I suppose we’ll have to have the room gutted when you’re finished with it. At least try to keep your destruction somewhat contained,” growled Hux.

“I don’t take orders from you,” Kylo growled back. _“No! Hux! Don’t go!”_

Kylo reached out towards Hux as he walked away. He considered using the Force to stop him, E’Chon and Seigurd in particular encouraged him to follow through, but he couldn’t. Hux would have been livid. He would not have listened if he had been stopped like that. He lowered his hand and watched Hux give the room one more disapproving glare before exiting through the blast doors.

_“How does that saying go? I hate seeing them go but I love watching- AH!”_

_“Bwahaha! Taste the bitter sting of defeat, brother!”_

_“Oh…Master of Ren…as soon as we are free from this trial we shall send you the sweetest of reliefs.”_

_“Thanks. It’s…he’s so…and I get…but I really want to…”_

**_“We understand.”_ **

_“I wish he was a part of this. It’s so easy to speak with my brothers. Seven parts of one being, seven souls of one mind, all in tune with one ano-Ouch! E’Chon, I felt that from here!”_

_“I think we all did, and it was in terrible taste.”_

_“Speak not of taste on the battlefield!”_


	7. E'Chon Ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The alternate title for the chapter is E'Chon Ren Doesn't Think Things Through. If Hathor is the mom, Eleo is the uncle and Seigurd is the eccentric distant relative from out of town...E'Chon is the big dumb jock brother who thinks problems can be solved by punching them. He's sweet, he just doesn't THINK. 
> 
> Also: I totally headcanon Hux's hand to hand fighting style as a mix of Capoeira and Tae Kwon Do. I think he would want to use his long legs and lower body strength to his advantage.

Hux was standing on the bridge when he met the last of the knights. Though meeting might not have been the correct word. He scowled as he watched the knight duck to enter through the doors. He was massive, bigger and broader than Kylo, practically a giant. He was dressed the part too with a shaggy robe and scuffed up armour. Hux gave him a polite nod in greeting. This must have been E’Chon Ren, the one who ate the most. He could see why. The man probably needed a lot of food to fuel that hulking body of his.

The giant, E’Chon, approached him boldly, his armour clattering and feet stomping. Only one person before that moment had successfully made Hux feel small, and that was Captain Phasma. The knight leered over him like the shadow of a mountain. Hux watched him tentatively, “Are you in need of assistance?”

“The trial has concluded!” his voice boomed behind the modulator, making it come out rasping and hellish.

“Yes, I suppose I’ll send a cleaning crew. Thank you for keeping me updated,” said Hux.

E’Chon did not take the hint and remained looming over Hux. The rest of the bridge crew ducked behind their consoles in fear. Hux sighed. He could not exactly blame them for having self-preservation instincts. He looked up at E’Chon Ren, “You can leave now.”

“I emerged victorious!” announced E’Chon, taking another step towards the General.

“And we’re all very happy for you,” glowered Hux, standing his ground.

“As a result, hear on and henceforth-” the knight stopped and jolted, as if he had just been given an electric shock. “Henceforth-” He jolted again. “Henceforth! Henceforth I am second only to the Master of the Knights of Ren in the matter being deliberated!”

“Again, we’re all very happy for you,” growled Hux.

E’Chon’s body underwent a few more spasms before he lurched forward, his masked face inches away from Hux’s, “I’ve come to claim my prize!”

“Well if you’re looking for gold stars, I’m terribly sorry but we’re fresh out,” said Hux.

Then E’Chon settled a massive hand over his waist and clamped it down tightly. Hux’s eyes widened. E’Chon’s hand wrapped exactly halfway around his middle!

“I, E’Chon Ren claim this prize for my Master’s-”

   ***  

E’Chon was not sure how, but he suddenly felt like a small assault vessel had rammed into the side of his head. There was a blur of black, a flash of red, then the feeling of a battering ram crashing against his helmet. For a moment he felt disoriented and weightless before he crashed against the floor and skidded to the blast door. He lay motionless, trying to figure out how he had been holding the lily fingered, tiny General one moment, and crashed into the floor the next.

_“Ouch!”_

_“What the…what hit us!?”_

_“Brothers…what…?”_

_“I warned you! How many times did I say he would hit you?”_

_“He…that twig…that scrawny slip of a man did this!?”_

_“That was the General’s roundhouse. Be thankful it wasn’t his uppercut.”_

_“E’Chon! I thought we agreed to approach him on the matter gently!”_

_“It was not why I approached him! I wished to claim him for our leader! I wished to bring an end to his pining!”_

_“That was easily the ugliest proposition I’ve ever seen…”_

_“You think our master incapable of wooing the delica…er…absurdly powerful dove for himself?”_

_“That was…that’s horrible! What were you going to do!? Carry him off, tie him to Kylo’s bed and leave him there!?”_

_“Yes!”_

_“Do you have any idea how terrifying that sounds!? Do you have any idea what he would think of us!? He can’t sense your intention you…you awful, horrible, brute!”_

_“Stay your anger before you provoke me!”_

_“I won’t! Do you know how many people I meet who aren’t afraid of me!? How many of them are willing to touch me!? I can’t talk to other people unless they touch me! I don’t want him to hate me! I don’t want you ruining this for all of us by being a no good, hulking, barbaric-!”_

_“You stay your **tongue** , Gaius!” _

There was a collective silence and feeling of shock.

_“Gaius…little brother, I didn’t mean…search my feelings. Please. You will know I never meant-”_

Suddenly E’Chon felt himself being hauled up by the collar, staring into the eyes of his would-be prize. The soft-handed General looked furious. He gave E’Chon a rough shake, “What do you mean, _prize_. Was this part of some ridiculous game?”

E’Chon was too heartsick and stunned to speak.

“All that bravado gone with one little kick? You knights are all bluster…”

The knight felt himself being wrenched forward before a hand gripped near the back of his neck. Then he felt an entirely new sensation. His armour screeched against the polished floor, scuffing it as he was unceremoniously dragged off the bridge.

_“B-Brothers! What is he…?”_

_“Huh, he never dragged me around before. Then again, I never tried to carry him off to my bed.”_

_“He was only obeying his desire to-”_

_“Do **not** defend him Seig.” _

_“I may not be as partial to him as the rest of you, but that was so wrong.”_

_“Completely uncouth.”_

_“No way to treat our rose of war.”_

“Are you talking with your little friends? Tell them we’re having a meeting. The one that loves his rituals knows which room,” growled Hux.

E’Chon could feel rage ebb and flow around the General as, by some miracle, he kept it neatly contained and distilled around his person. Rather than fading and dispersing it remained tight, tempered, and ready to erupt against some imaginary stopper. It was like standing before a flood with only a thin line of sand for protection.  

The knights had all heard the General’s words through his ears and no doubt felt his rage as well. He called out again, _“Smallest brother, please…my anger blinded me. I did not mean it. Brothers, where is Gaius?”_

_“He wants time. He does not wish to commune right now.”_

_“I can’t say I blame him.”_

_“Gaius?”_

_“He’s not listening E’Chon.”_

The knight felt himself being dragged into a room. The General looked out of breath as he dropped the knight carelessly on the floor. He dropped to his knees and pulled out his metal pad, the one that he seemed to always carry. He pulled a hidden pin from it and wrenched the knight’s head aside before jabbing it into his throat.

Hux growled, as he fixed his limbs around the knight’s painfully and held him against the ground, “Feel that you gargantuan nimrod? That’s truth serum. You’re about to tell me everything I want to know.”

_“B-Brothers! He drugged me!”_

_“Kriff! This is bad! He can’t find out this way!”_

“What was that fight about!?” demanded Hux.

E’Chon tried to stop his mouth, but he felt compelled to speak, “It…it was a trial by combat…to see…who was worthy…”

“Worthy of what?” snarled Hux, slapping the knight lightly.

“T-To…to see who would…be second to the master of Ren in…” E’Chon continued, trying to bite down on his tongue.

“Second in what?” growled Hux.

“…priority…in affairs concerning…” E’Chon stammered out against his will.

“Concerning what!?” exclaimed Hux.

“…you…”

Hux blanched and pulled back immediately. E’Chon felt his brothers’ spirits sink. He quickly began to speak as much as he could, hoping something might return the General, who was filling the room with shock and fear, back to his usual calm.

“It isn’t what you think!”

“What is it then!?” snapped Hux.

“We have a proposal for you. It was why you needed to be evaluated. It was why we needed to establish rank. We wish for you to join us,” E’Chon tried to explain.

“And when exactly were you planning on sharing that information, hm?” the General snarled.

“When we got to the bedroom,” the knight blurted out.

**“…WHAT!?!”**

Hux yelped and withdrew further to the back of the room. Suddenly a steady stream of Rens poured into the room. All seven of them were now staring at Hux as he grabbed a chair and held it over his head, threatening to throw it at the first Ren with the gall to approach him. They flailed their arms wildly, each one trying to talk over each other in a chorus of, “You have it all wrong!” and, “It’s not what you think!”

Hux snarled like a cornered animal, “So this is what this was all about Ren!? Some sort of sick joke!? Deciding which of your minions got to have their way with me first!?”

“It’s not what you think!” shouted Kylo.

“That’s how it looks!” countered Hux, holding the chair aloft, “Your man just admitted to attempting to haul me off the bridge to a kriffing bedroom! How else am I supposed to interpret that!?”

“Will you calm down and let me explain it!?” Kylo exclaimed, “You have the wrong idea!”

“I will do no such thing! I want you off my ship! I don’t care what the Supreme Leader says! I don’t want to see another kriffing Knight of Ren again as long as I-”

A black clad figure surged forward. Hux tried to bring the chair down on top of it but one of the knights ripped it from his hands. The small one, Gaius Ren, was suddenly clutching Hux around the middle as the other knights looked on. Hux shoved at the small knight’s shoulders, trying to shove him off and called to the other knights, “What is this one doing!?”

“…what we want to do…”

Hux stared at them incredulously before looking down. They wanted to…hug him? That was it? He looked at the big one, E’Chon Ren, who staggered to his feet with the help of Seigurd Ren, “Is he telling the truth?”

“He is. You can believe me. I still have your truth poison in my veins,” said the large knight, rubbing at his neck.

Hux looked each knight in the masked face in turn, “So…what you’re trying to tell me, is you all want to…” Hux trailed off, trying to find accurate words, “Express affection?”

“That’s simplifying it a lot, but yes…” replied Kylo, “We want to…for lack of better word…cuddle…”


	8. Slideshow Presentation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Han Solo in the distance: That's not how the Force works!   
> Me: I don't caaaaaaaaaaaaaare! :D

Hux sat at the head of the conference table and busied himself with putting together a presentation. Occasionally his eyes flicked up and looked at the knights, who were all sheepishly hanging their heads. They were all probably talking with that power of theirs behind his back. He also noted that the small one did not seem to require physical contact. It was probably a lie, another test the knights had devised.

“So, let me get this straight. That one,” Hux began, pointing at Seigurd Ren, “Was testing my mind to see if I would turn into a vegetable if more than one of you entered my mind on ‘accident.’”

“We wouldn’t force you to commune with us,” said Kylo, sounding offended.

Hux continued, “And then you held that ridiculous tournament to decide who got first dibs on me for some sort of cuddling orgy.”

“It was more than that!” snapped Seigurd Ren.

“Our preachy brother is correct,” said Hathor smoothly, “Think of it as deciding guardianship.”

Hux jabbed a finger in E’Chon’s direction, “That was guardianship?”

“Stay your anger beau…” Mako Ren paused as Hux glared at him, cutting him off mid-sentence. He sighed and continued without his usual flowery language, “Kylo Ren is our leader, and…” he trailed off, glancing at Kylo before continuing, “It’s only natural that he be your primary guardian and, shall we say, primary companion. However, if he is unable or unwilling to make a decision regarding you, E’Chon Ren, as the second, would act for him.”

“So I’m not allowed to make my own decisions, is that it?” demanded Hux.

“Of course you can,” said Mako quickly, “We were trying to decide how you ought to be approached regarding all of this and E’Chon…well…we tried to stop him. Surely you noticed.”

Hux recalled the strange way the big knight had jerked about, as if he were being electrocuted. If that was what the knights were talking about, it seems they had tried to put a stop to this. He glanced about at the knights, “And you want me involved in this because…?”

The knights turned to Kylo, who sat at the other end of the table, facing Hux. It took him a few moments before he spoke, slowly and quietly, “Because…with you, we reached a concurrence.”

“A concurrence?” repeated Hux.

“You plan strategies. When you get a group of people trying to make decisions, or at least come to an agreement, there are few things on which everyone will agree naturally without compromising. However, when you find one thing that everyone agrees is good, or bad, or pleasant, or painful, or anything really, you share something in common. Something you concur on that helps you identify with each other,” explained Kylo. He paused for a moment and added, “And we concurred that you…your presence is pleasing to us.”

“I’m not sure I even want to begin asking what made you all agree…” muttered Hux, tapping his datapad to add a few more bullet points to his slides, “Why would you all care about liking the company of the _same_ person, or all wanting to gather around them unless…you all need to agree to enjoy it together…”

Hux trailed off. A bemused smile briefly ghosted across his lips before he covered it with a gloved hand. The constant mental communication, the need for shared experience, the need to reach at least some agreement together… He glanced at the knights before rounding on Kylo again.

“You’re a hive mind.”

   ***  

“That’s…a massive over simplification,” said Kylo.

_“Hive mind! As if we were disgusting insects.”_

_“He doesn’t understand. Once he works it out it’ll be fine.”_

_“The arrogance! He’s stinking up the whole room with it! He thinks we’ve made him some sort of insect-like Queen!”_

_“Well, to be fair…we sort of are.”_

“Explain it to me then,” commanded Hux.

“We can think collectively, we can use each other’s senses to gather information, we can commune with our thoughts and emotions, but we’re still seven individuals with our own personalities and we can make our own decisions,” explained Kylo, “Our Order is more of a supportive community than a hive.”

Hux was still sending out amusement and arrogance in waves. He seemed to think the Knights of Ren had installed him into some position of power within their ranks. It was not wrong, but if they admitted it, Hux would probably choke them all out with his ego-stroking. The other knights agreed and kept their mouths shut on the subject, though that did not stop them from being affronted by Hux’s conclusion.

Hux was still emitting sparks of confusion and curiosity almost as thick as his arrogance. He continued to pry, “So what exactly is the purpose then of this cuddling ritual you need me for?”

“It’s more than that, it’s…” Kylo trailed off. He had forbidden the knights to mention his attraction to the General. He wanted to admit that to Hux on his own. For now he just had to dance around the subject, “Usually with people outside our Order, we tend to disagree on them. We all have differing tastes and preferences. So much so that there aren’t many people we can all say we feel the same about. It’s like…trying to decide on a meal when everyone has different tastes and needs. It takes forever, but when you find that one thing everyone agrees on, there’s a sense of accomplishment. And when you enjoy it together, everyone sharing the same experience, it brings everyone closer.”

There was a brief flash of worry as Hux furrowed his brow and asked, “You’re not planning on eating me are you?”

 ** _“No!”_** chorused the knights mentally.

_“Ugh…why would he think that!?”_

_“Kylo we warned you about food analogies.”_

_“Sorry…got a bit hungry.”_

“No,” said Kylo irately.

“Had to check…” said Hux softly. He looked down at his datapad before glancing up again, “So all you’re after is a shared experience that you all feel somewhat the same about?”

“Yes,” said Kylo. He sniggered, “And here you thought we were going to jump you.”

“One of you _did_ try to jump me,” said Hux sourly, jabbing his datapad stylus in E’Chon’s direction. He sighed, “So all I would have to do is lie back, let you all lie next to me for a few hours, and that’s it.”

“That’s it,” said Kylo. He threaded his fingers together.

_“Master of Ren…you can do this. Your boon companions will lend you their courage.”_

_“The darkness is surely with us. All will be well.”_

_“I’m confident this will all end beautifully.”_

_“All the pieces are in place, just slide them back together.”_

_“Forgive me…I can only hope this ends well for my brothers.”_

_“…don’t let him push us away…”_

“If you’re not averse…would you spend a night beside us?” asked Kylo.

Hux snorted, “You all need to work collectively on your ability to phrase things.” He pointed his stylus at Mako, “Especially you with those outrageous metaphors.”

“Look, is that a yes, or not?” groaned Kylo.

Hux tapped the stylus to his datapad and the screen behind him light up, “On a few conditions.”

_“…what’s he doing?”_

_“He made a god damned slideshow. I should have known…”_

_“What is this show of slides!? Is it an insult!?”_

_“No, E’Chon it’s…you’ll see.”_

Hux pointed at a picture of his schedule, “I run the First Order military. It’s a very busy position. None of you are to bother me while I work unless it’s a matter of First Order interest. When we do this…thing, it’s on my time, not yours.”

_“He’s so bossy…”_

_“…I think he’s sort of cute when he’s pushy.”_

_“Gaius? Is that you? Do you forgive me brother?”_

_“Yeah…I just…that kind of stung.”_

_“I feel your pain as if it were my own. Will you let me send you comfort?”_

_“I wouldn’t mind it. Thank you.”_

“Secondly,” Hux continued, pointing at the word ‘consent’ in large, bolded letters, “I will not have another repeat of today’s incident. If you require something of me, you ask _me_. If you are making a decision that involves me, I am to be included in the process. And if one of you tries to carry me off again, this arrangement is null and void for all of you.”

The knights all exchanged sheepish looks and nodded.

“Thirdly,” said Hux, pulling up a chart, “I expect this thing to be mutually beneficial. You explained that you achieve this, concurrence, mutual experience, bonding, thing.”

_“What more benefit does he want? He gets to be in the middle of the cuddle-puddle.”_

_“Grooming tips?”_

_“A really big gun?”_

_“To be lauded for his beauty?”_

“I want one of you to volunteer yourselves to explain your relationship to me. It sounds…fascinating,” said Hux with a sly grin.

Curiosity was now rolling off of Hux in spades. As well as an urge to…

_“Is…is the beauteous one thinking what I think he’s thinking?”_

_“He’s thinking of our beautiful bond and how to…weaponize it!?”_

_“Blasphemy!”_

_“To be fair, drones that could coordinate and function on their own would pack quite a punch.”_

_“Don’t encourage his blasphemous thoughts Eleo!”_

_“He does that with everything Seig. I gave him a pen once and ten minutes later he had turned it into a functioning handheld cannon.”_

_“Good to know he’s more than just a nice ass.”_

“Are we all in agreement of the terms?” asked Hux.

The knights looked at each other.

_“As far as terms and conditions go, I think they’re reasonable enough.”_

_“He must be swayed from those positively sinful thoughts though…”_

_“I guess we’ll have someone talk to him about it.”_

_“Brothers…there is one matter. His hair. That wretched standard issue soap smell. Are we really going to touch him when he’s…like that?”_

_“…I’m not bringing it up, you bring it up.”_

_“It was my idea so someone else should bring it up.”_

_“You do it.”_

_“No you.”_

The knights chorused, **_“No, you!”_**

_“F-fine, I’ll do it…”_

“There’s one…further requirement,” said Kylo as evenly as he could. He looked away slightly, “After taking a general consensus…we really want you to take a bath.”

Hux arched his brow, “Come again.”

“Your hair is disgusting,” said Hathor Ren, “You wash it with hand soap!”

Hux blanched, “And how exactly did you know that?!”

Six knights groaned in unison, “It’s obvious.” Gaius Ren gave an exaggerated shrug and nodded his head in agreement.

Hux ran a hand over his hair self-consciously and shut off his power-point, “Fine, I’ll wash first, but I’m doing it by myself.”

“But how can you complete the bathing rituals without proper instruction?” demanded Seigurd Ren.

“I’ll manage,” seethed Hux, shooting a glare at the priestly knight.

“A few hours ago you had no idea how to use a bar of soap,” Hathor reminded him.

“I’ll. Manage,” repeated Hux with a growl.

_“Your boyfriend is cute when he’s mad.”_

_“He’s not my boyfriend!”_

“Well, if that’s all, are there any questions?” asked Hux.

All the knights raised their hands.

Hux sighed, “I’m on duty, so no, we can’t start now.”

All the knights except Eleo Ren lowered their hands.

“Yes you, the one who dismantled the cannon,” said Hux.

“Can we touch your ass?” asked Eleo.  

“Excuse me!?” snapped Hux.

“Look, there’s seven of us and one of you. That doesn’t leave much in terms of free surface area so hands are inevitably going to wind up in weird places. Are you going to pitch a fit if someone puts their hand on your ass?” elaborated the knight. After a pause he added, “It’s a very, very important question.”

The knights nodded in agreement.

Hux sighed, “I won’t ‘pitch a fit’ as you so succinctly put it, but I would really rather you didn’t.”

_“That wasn’t exactly a no…”_

_“It wasn’t a yes either.”_

_“He said he would prefer not to, not that it was off limits.”_

Kylo sighed, “Look, we’re going to need a solid yes or no on the ass touching thing.”

Hux looked away slightly, a flush creeping over his cheeks and down past his collar.

_“Ah, he blushes sweetly once more…”_

_“The darkness is rich with his apprehension.”_

_“It makes me want to take him from this room and carry him off to-!”_

_“…”_

_“If he was willing…You can’t tell me you don’t feel it too brothers.”_

_“We do just…It’s probably best if you don’t say that for a while.”_

Hux tried to steel himself and appear as dignified as he could, but Kylo could sense the subject matter made it difficult for him. It was funny. Hux, General of the First Order, able to kick E’Chon Ren across a room, fearless in the face of seven knights, turned timid when asked permission to touch his ass. It must not have been something he was asked very often to catch him off guard like that.

“It’s…” Hux trailed off before steeling himself, “If there’s no way around it, its fine. Just not while I’m on duty and nothing weird, alright?”

_“What does he mean by weird, Master of Ren?”_

_“If I’m guessing right…just about everything. It seems physical affection is new to him.”_

_“What!?”_

_“At his age?”_

_“Look, the First Order are almost as bad as Jedi. They might not ban relationships, but they’re pretty repressive. It seems most of them are that way.”_

_“Wait…he’s been hugged before right?”_

_“I’d have to ask, but I’m guessing not often.”_

_“Unacceptable!”_

_“To repress physical urges is disgusting and wrong.”_

“Would you mind not breaking off into another conversation right in front of me?” snapped Hux, his blush long since faded.

“Nothing weird, we promise,” said Kylo.

“Good, then I’m going to borrow one of your-” Hux began.

“Brothers, not minions. They don’t like it when you call them that,” warned Kylo.

Hux gave an indifferent shrug, “Either way I’m borrowing one. Any volunteers or should I choose?”

“I shall avail myself to your service brightest ruby of-”

“Not that one!” said Hux, holding up his datapad like a shield as Mako Ren approached. The knight in question huffed lightly before sitting down again. Hathor Ren patted his back.

_“There, there. I like your poetry.”_

_“Thank you…”_

Gaius Ren raised his hand.

“Alright, I don’t mind you so much,” said Hux, “The rest of you are dismissed.”

_“Verily brothers, the cat hath claws.”_

_“…your boyfriend just dismissed us…”_

_“He’s not my boyfriend!”_

_“But you desire him, do you not, Master of Ren?”_

_“…yes…but…doesn’t make him my boyfriend…”_

“For the record, you aren’t dismissing us, we’re leaving because we want to,” said Kylo haughtily.

Hux rolled his eyes and began pulling off his gloves, “It makes little difference to me.”

_“The soft-handed General tempts us with his flesh!”_

_“His bright hand doth melt away his wintry harshness.”_

_“Nails…”_

_“Ugh…if this is how you react to his hand you’ll all go brain-dead if we ever get his tunic off.”_

_“You go brain-dead over butts. Butts! How is that any better!?”_

“Well, go on,” said Hux, waving them off.

Hesitantly the Rens began to file out of the room. E’Chon stayed behind and, in what Hux seemed to find a bizarre and out of place gesture, hugged Gaius from behind before patting his helm fondly. Gaius patted his arm before E’chon hesitantly followed his brothers.

Hux took a seat beside Gaius Ren and extended his hand.

“I have some questions. I hope you’ll be good enough to answer them.”


	9. Hux's Notes:  Knights of Ren are Perverts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was this old children's book my mom used to read me and my four siblings. The title isn't coming to me, but there's this line that's basically, 'We're in Kindergarten, and in Kindergarten, we share everything.' She used to say it around the house facetiously if we weren't sharing. So naturally, being the little a-holes we were, we asked if that rule applied to everything, like, say, poop. Mom wasn't amused. She still isn't amused. 
> 
> We're the Knights of Ren, and in the Knights of Ren, we share everything. Everything.

Hux stared at the small knight. He looked him over coolly, “Are you allowed to remove your mask?”

Gaius Ren took his hand and Hux heard his piping voice in his mind, _‘I could. But if it’s all the same I’d rather not. See…a long time ago my tongue got cut out and…most of my face is scratched up pretty bad.’_

“You could have them removed, if you wanted. Our medical bay could probably reconstruct your tongue as well,” offered Hux.

 _‘I appreciate it, but an honourable scar is to a knight what a medal or badge might be to a soldier,_ ’ explained Gaius.

“If it’s honourable, why hide it?” asked Hux.

 _‘It…scares people. I scare people. I think you’ve had enough scares for one day,’_ the knight’s voice sighed.

“Right, so,” began Hux, letting Gaius hold his left hand while he used his right to make notes on a datapad, “Your order is a sort of supportive hive collective.”

 _‘Ha, ha, well, we consider your Order to be more of a hive than ours,_ ’ said Gaius, _‘If you don’t mind my saying so. You remind me a lot of bees or ants.’_

“And you’re not?” asked Hux.

 _‘Well, if you look at a hive of bees, you have different bees born to perform different tasks, and they perform those tasks until their dying day for the benefit of their hive. The Knights of Ren on the other hand are more symbiotic. We assist each other with our personal skills and strengths. I don’t have much prowess or range when it comes to the Force, so my brothers need to help me maintain my connection. They’re the only ones I can speak to without physical contact. Our consciousness exists to allow us to support each other, grow closer and share information,’_ explained Gaius.

“It still sounds an awful lot like a hive mind,” said Hux, scratching down notes.

 _‘I suppose the main difference is, if a drone dies, what does the hive care? They make more drones. If a Knight of Ren falls, it would be like losing a limb, a brother, and a part of our mind all at once. And even if a new knight is recruited, it’s not the same,’_ said Gaius. Hux heard a soft sigh from behind the knight’s mask, _‘I can’t imagine a life without my brothers.’_

“Hold on…losing a limb? Your connection is also physical?” asked Hux.

 _‘Of course. Uh…don’t panic, but…we’re all sort of holding your hand right now,_ ’ said Gaius.

Hux glanced down at his hand. All seven of them? To what end? They could not possibly get much benefit from holding his hand. Perhaps they were curious. For all Hux knew they weren’t all human. It would make sense for them to want to hold his hand in that case.

 _‘It gets sort of complicated sometimes. Like if one of us is trying to sleep and another one is fighting. Or if one of us hates blue milk and another one of us is guzzling it down. If one of us is doing something too unpleasant for us to handle, we can tune them our or disconnect ourselves until they finish,’_ explained Gaius.

Hux paused and looked down at his datapad, “You feel…everything…the others do? All of it?”

 _‘Yup, getting hit, pooping, masturbation, sex, the works,’_ said Gaius cheerfully.

Hux coloured slightly, “Oh…”

 _‘Is that odd to you?’_ asked Gaius.

“Of course. I don’t want people watching me do those things…let alone feel it when I do it,” muttered Hux.

 _‘Why?’_ asked the knight, as if Hux had just said something absurd.

“It’s…it’s private,” said Hux adamantly.

 _‘Oh…well…I don’t actually know much about privacy. We may not pry, but the Knights of Ren hold no secrets from each other. It’s sort of incomprehensible to us,’_ admitted Gaius.

“But, sex? Don’t you think that’s a bit much?” asked Hux quietly.

 _‘No. Unless it’s really bad sex, then we tune out,’_ laughed Gaius.

“But…if you all feel it isn’t it invasive? Isn’t it a bit like suddenly being grabbed?” asked Hux.

_‘We give each other plenty of warning. If we don’t want it, we can tune out. When it’s good it’s kind of fun, like a bunch of us getting together and-’_

“Thank you I think I get the point,” said Hux hurriedly.

 _‘Heh…you’re sort of a prude,’_ noted Gaius.

“If being a well-adjusted person who doesn’t want an audience when I…”

 _‘Sheesh, you can’t even say it!’_ marvelled Gaius, _‘It’s not dirty or weird. It’s natural and it feels good. Nearly everyone does it. You don’t have to be embarrassed.’_

“It’s a distraction, a base and vile urge to be conquered,” said Hux firmly as he jotted something down, “Besides, they’re your brothers.”

 _‘Brothers in arms. We’re fraternal, but certainly not siblings. I mean, if we were that would make things really weird for Mako and Hathor,’_ laughed Gaius.

Hux started, glanced out the corner of his eye at the small knight and stammered, “You mean to tell me…two of you are…and the rest of you…watch?”

 _‘Well, we do a lot more than watch. Oh, though Eleo doesn’t. He thinks Hathor’s ass is too skinny and he can’t stand Mako’s sex poetry. But it’s all in good fun,’_ replied Gaius with a shrug.

Hux could feel himself blanch then blush as he scribbled, ‘Knights of Ren are perverts.’

 _‘It’s just as weird for me, thinking about belonging to a collective that doesn’t care about you. Or has members that try to kill you when you drop your guard,_ ’ Gaius pointed out defensively.

“Nothing wrong with a bit of healthy competition,” said Hux with a shrug, “Don’t Sith murder each other? I’ve heard the story of Darth Plagueis.”  

 _‘I never said we didn’t kill other dark Force wielders, just not ones in our order. But in your order you insult each other on purpose to break each other. You bully each other. You hurt each other. You even kill each other to gain status within your collective,’_ said Gaius gravely, _‘That’s…I mean, it happens sometimes if one of us loses our temper, but…none of us actively wants to hurt each other.’_

“A strong army can’t be built without a little brutality. Hazing teaches us to conform. Insults break down unnecessary pride. Pain fosters resilience. The threat of death breeds alertness and builds survival instincts. Emotion, coddling and hand holding hinder our progress,” countered Hux. He tapped his stylus against the desk thoughtfully, “I thought you knights were more vicious.”

 _‘Yes, but not at the cost of emotion. That’s where our power comes from. By sharing our feelings with each other, we can become stronger and we can support each other,’_ corrected Gaius _, ‘Jedi are the ones who kill emotions. They don’t even allow love.’_

“But if you’re always getting emotional how can you focus on anything?” asked Hux.

 _‘I might ask you the same thing. How can you focus on anything when your emotions are repressed and out of balance?’_ asked Gaius, _‘Some emotions, especially sadness and grief can hinder us. Having people to help you reorient and balance yourself is a huge boon.’_

“But then you’d never learn to soothe yourself,” argued Hux.

 _‘The keyword there is soothe. With all due respect, General, I don’t think you soothe yourself. I think you compartmentalize and ignore sadness,’_ said Gaius. Hux heard a sigh from behind his helmet again _, ‘How come you didn’t ask Kylo to explain all this to you?’_

Hux furrowed his brow slightly and thought of his answer, “Is he listening?”

 _‘Yes, he is,’_ replied Gaius.

“Would you mind…well, you said you don’t keep secrets so I suppose it doesn’t matter,” said Hux. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before answering, “I was fairly certain up until a few hours ago he hated me.”

 _‘Wh-what!?’ No! He doesn’t hate you!’_ Gaius exclaimed.

“He’s always getting in my way, sabotaging my efforts, destroying my ship, terrorizing my crew, and I’ve yet to have a civil one on one conversation with him,” said Hux, “That seems like hatred, don’t you think?”

 _‘No! He’s not like that, he’s…he’s awkward, that’s all,’_ said Gaius.

“Is he telling you to say that,” asked Hux.

 _‘Stab me with your truth poison stick if you think I’m lying,’_ offered Gaius, bearing his arm, _‘He doesn’t hate you. Sure, you annoy him sometimes, but he doesn’t hate you.’_

“I annoy him, that’s a lark,” said Hux dryly. He glanced at Gaius through the corner of his eye, “This…concurring ritual of yours. What exactly are you going to do?”

 _‘Not much,’_ said Gaius, _‘We all agree we like you, and we all agree you look very nice, so we just want to appreciate you and enjoy the sensation of having synchronized feelings.’_

“Have you ever done it before?” asked Hux.

 _‘No, not with a person. The last time we concurred it was over a bucket of fried Colo Claw Fish,’_ said Gaius.

Hux had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing. He imagined the seven knights, fully robed, sitting reverently around a bucket of fried food chanting ominously, ritually passing it around as they solemnly ate.

 _‘Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, General,’_ said Gaius, a slight huff coming from behind his mask, _‘And we’re all pretty excited. You’re the first person we’ve ever been able to agree upon.’_

That sobered Hux up enough to stop any laughter that might bubble out past his teeth. He sighed, “It won’t be…awkward will it?”

 _‘I don’t know. How do you feel about being admired?’_ asked Gaius.

“Admiration I approve of but this seems more…” Hux trailed off, searching for a good word, “Intimate. I’m used to faceless crowds. Not a gaggle of men in black robes circling me.”

 _‘I’m…really not sure what to tell you. I love receiving attention and admiration from my brothers. I can’t imagine ever finding it uncomfortable,’_ admitted the knight. His helmet bobbed up and down as he looked Hux over, _‘Try it just with me. We don’t need the force. I’m just going to hold your hands and appreciate you.’_

Hux hesitantly put his stylus down and swivelled his chair towards the knight. The knight did the same and took Hux’s other hand in his own. Gaius’ head tilted upwards and Hux heard his thoughts, spoke very sweetly in his mind, _‘You have lovely hair, even if it does need a good scrub._ ’ Hux felt himself turn pink _. ‘I think your eyes are very attractive._ ’ Hux swallowed dryly and pursed his lips. _‘Your hands are softer than we’re used to. And your freckles are cute.’_

“That’s quite enough of that…” said Hux, pulling his right hand away and swivelling his chair.

 _‘We can do it so you can’t hear us, if you want,’_ offered Gaius.

“And, you all plan on touching me while you do this?” asked Hux.

 _‘In a purely platonic way. Like a pat on the head or back rub. We’re not going to poke at you like a lab sample. We’d do it like this,’_ said Gaius, brushing his thumb over the back of Hux’s hand _, ‘See? Just stuff like this. I’ve only been cuddled by six of my brothers, but I imagine having seven people snuggling you all at once and telling you how special you are is even better.’_

“That doesn’t seem particularly dark…” muttered Hux.

 _‘Darkness is passion and emotion. So actually it’s a very, very dark thing to do,’_ explained Gaius, _‘Say…General, did me touching you and appreciating you bother you that much?’_

“It’s not something I’m used to. I’ll adapt to it eventually, I suppose,” replied Hux.

 _‘Aren’t you…lonely? I don’t sense any loneliness from you but, I feel like you have to be, at least a little,’_ said Gaius.

“Loneliness is being deprived of meaningful companionship. I have never had such companionship and thus cannot feel deprived. Ergo, I am incapable of being lonely. I’m fully capable of being bored though. I find having nothing to do or read tedious,” said Hux plainly.

He was surprised by the pained tone the knight responded in, _‘But that’s…that’s so sad…you’re surrounded by people you’re supposed to share bonds with, but you have no friends?’_

“I have comrades. My social situation is satisfactory to my needs,” said Hux with a shrug.

 _‘Let me show you something. Let us add you to our consciousness, just for a few minutes,_ ’ offered Gaius.

“I’d rather not. I’m a private person. I don’t like people picking my brain,” said Hux.

 _‘We’ll only hear your intuitive thoughts. Perceptions, observation, opinions and the like. When you do it more you’ll get better at filtering and making them more coherent,’_ explained Gaius, _‘So…try it with us? It’s really the best way to understand it. Do it for science?’_

Hux sighed. He was curious, and the knight was correct. The best way to understand and observe a phenomenon was to witness it firsthand. He took a deep breath before asking, “Do I have to do anything special.”

 _‘No, just sit tight. It’s going to be a little overwhelming at first. You’re connecting with seven of us, after all, so you’ll be seeing with sixteen eyes, hearing with sixteen ears, tasting with eight mouths, smelling with eight noses, touching with sixteen hands, feeling with eight hearts and thinking with eight minds. We’ll make it as mild for you as we can. It's like a trust-fall. I’ll count down from five, and we’ll catch you,’_ said Gaius.

“Would you believe I’ve never done a trust-fall before?” asked Hux, gripping the knight’s hand tighter.

 _‘Yeah…it’s sad to think about, but I believe it,’_ said the knight, _‘Okay…Five…Four…Three…Two…One.”_

Hux’s senses were immediately overwhelmed.

Sometimes, after a particularly nasty blow to the head during training or the torture that was the dreaded exercise of a week without sleeping, he would get double-vision.   But it was always things within his own field of vision. He had a good look at…Gaius, that must have been his own vision, himself, those must have been Gaius’ eyes. The door to the meeting room. One of the Ren’s must have stayed back, waiting for their companion. It was from a higher perspective than Hux was used to. E’Chon? Probably. He saw a black room with candles. Seigurd, if he guessed right. A hand sweeping over a checked mask to brush dust off of it. That was Hathor, so the eyes that were seeing Hathor must have been Mako’s. Finally there was a wall being looked at sideways. Hux caught a glimpse of black pillow cases and pillows. By process of elimination, that was Kylo. Hux reassembled all the eyes in his mind, like a field of screens to be observed. How did the knights walk or talk or do anything like this?

‘ _I’m going to slowly patch you into our thoughts now, one at a time,’_ said Gaius’ voice inside his mind.

_‘Hello? Can you hear me?’_

Hux started slightly then asked, “Who’s me?”

 _‘Heh, you don’t have to say it out loud too. Just think it, feel it,’_ chided Gaius.

 _‘Hathor Ren. I suppose you’re not used to our voices without modulators. I’ll let the others know,’_ replied the other knight.

“Y-You’re both talking at the same time. I couldn’t quite catch all that,” stammered Hux, still adjusting to the sensation of looking through the perspective of multiple individuals.

 _‘It’s okay, it’ll come to you,’_ said Gaius.

 _‘I passed on the message. They’ll try to think softly and introduce themselves,_ ’ said Hathor, _‘Goodness, you’ve such a rich aura, General.’_

“Aura?” asked Hux.

 _‘The way the Force moves around you. Each person’s is different, but yours is particularly complimentary to our needs,’_ explained Hathor, _‘Are you alright? Can I add Mako?’_

“I think I can handle it, but can you tell him not to spout that nonsense about flowers and jewels?” asked Hux.

 _‘I see they don’t teach art appreciation in the First Order,’_ huffed Hathor.

 _‘Ah! My shadow clad delight of the darkest mind. Tis I! Your humble servant Mako Ren,_ ’ said the new knight.

“Hathor, are you really alright with him talking to me that way?” asked Hux.

 _‘I like how the words sound. It doesn’t matter what or who he’s talking about,_ ’ said Hathor. Hux saw him wrap his arms around the other knight’s shoulders and stare into his visor.

 _‘My dearest companion, treasure of my heart, how kind of you to bestow such leniency upon me,_ ’ replied Mako.

 _‘Also none of us has found a way to shut him up,’_ added Gaius.

 _‘My boon companion! You wound me!’_ wailed Mako.

 _‘Can we add Eleo?’_ asked Gaius.

“I think so,” said Hux.

 _‘Eleo Ren here. Is he saying what he’s thinking out loud? That’s so weird,’_ said the knight.

 _‘We all did it once,’_ said Gaius.

 _‘I guess,’_ said Eleo.

 _‘That makes five of us communing in total,’_ noted Hathor, _‘You’re doing beautifully General. Can you handle six?’_

“I’ll manage,” said Hux.

 _‘Alright, here comes Seigurd. We usually just call him Seig,’_ said Eleo.

 _‘General your darkness may be the best we’ve felt from one who has not been blessed by the Force, but your arrogance must be contained! To think you can ‘manage’ the ancient Sith bathing ritual when you are but a novice…’_ Seigurd’s voice seethed.

“Look, none of you are watching me take a bath,” growled Hux.

 _‘Can we offer advice through the door? You seemed to need it,’_ noted Hathor.

“I’m not a child, I can bathe myself,” spat Hux.

 _‘Truly you are a man, my dear. An exquisite sunrise of a man. But methinks your knowledge of finery is…lacking, sadly,’_ Mako chimed in, _‘Hand soap in your hair is a cruel and nigh criminal offense.’_

 _‘Right!?_ ’ agreed Hathor _, ‘It’s terrible!’_

“Just…patch someone else in so we can change the subject,” said Hux.

 _‘Okay, I’m bringing in E’Chon,’_ said Gaius.

 _‘…apologies for…my harshness,_ ’ said a smoky sounding voice.

“Harshness is an interesting way to put it,” muttered Hux.

 _‘You’re not privy to our feelings yet, but we can promise you, E’Chon is truly sorry,’_ said Gaius.

 _‘Indeed, he regrets his transgressions against you,’_ added Seigurd.

 _‘He’s softer than he looks,’_ said Eleo with a slight laugh.

 _‘If you could General, would you forgive him? Things run more smoothly if everyone is at least on cordial terms,’_ said Hathor.

“I suppose…” said Hux hesitantly.

 _‘I did not expect such a strong kick from a tiny man! And Kylo led us to believe you were no warrior!’_ boomed E’Chon. Apparently he recovered quickly from his moods. The large knight added, _‘May I send him my admiration?’_

 _‘We’re holding off on that. Don’t want to overload him,’_ explained Eleo.

“Right…I suppose there’s only one left,” murmured Hux.

 _‘Okay, we’ll add Kylo’s consciousness,’_ said Gaius. Hux felt his hand being squeezed.

Kylo being added to the mix felt…different. Hux immediately recognized his energy. Despite a lack of Force sensitivity he had been near Kylo during enough of his tantrums to have a decent idea of what his power felt like. He also came to the slow realization that while Kylo had not been talking with them, his power had been present, helping his brothers stay connected with each other. Helping Hux stay connected with them. Hux could feel his power and it became self-evident as to why the other knights followed him. There was a few moments of silence, aside from stray, passing, mundane thoughts floating about.

 _‘…h-hey…’_ came a shy, passive voice.

That was Kylo?

“That’s all seven of you then,” said Hux.

 _‘Yes. You show an aptitude for dark arts despite lacking the Force’s blessings,’_ said Seigurd. Hux furrowed his brow. He was not sure if that was a compliment or not.

 _‘You’re…are you alright, General? It’s not…n-not too much is it?_ ’ asked Kylo.

Hux still could not believe this stammering mess of a presence was the same Kylo Ren who spoke abrasively, aggressively took whatever he wanted, and made his life hell. That Kylo Ren was showing him concern? He was nervous? Hux focused on Kylo’s eyes, which were now upright and looking at a blank wall through a mass of black hair. Hux fought the urge to brush the hair out of his field of vision, but knew it would not help the matter.

“I’m fine,” replied Hux.

 _‘Okay…um…w-we’re just going to try a little bit with touch. I’m going to allow you to feel with my nerves, alright?’_ said Kylo. Hux saw him raise a hand up in front of his face.

He also suddenly felt…heavy. Like he was wearing weighted training clothing or riot-gear. No, he must have been feeling the weight of Kylo’s robes and armour. He felt hair touching his ears, something that he usually only felt after a night of tossing in his sleep and waking up with an extreme case of bedhead. Kylo pulled off a glove and Hux retracted his hand involuntarily, feeling as if someone were sliding his own gloves off. Looking down he saw it was still there.

Kylo held up his index finger before his own eyes for his brothers and Hux to examine, _‘I’m just going to tap this on my cheek, alright?’_

Hux waited as he watched Kylo’s vision cast itself downward and the finger approached his cheek. Watching it make contact, Hux felt a large, warm finger press itself to his cheek and trail downwards. Hux gasped at the gentle contact and despite knowing it was Kylo’s hand on Kylo’s face, he let go of Gaius to press his own hand against his cheek.

**_‘It’s so soft!’_ **

Seven intense thoughts thundered in his head. Hux started as they splintered off, tearing his hand away from his face.

_‘Now just imagined if he washed properly.’_

_‘T’would be a velvety softness to be sure.’_

_‘Not even a bit of scruff. Did you have the hair removed with lasers? Always wondered how that felt.’_

_‘Your smooth face belies your strength!’_

_‘H-hold on! That’s too much, try to back off a bit.’_

Hux tried to collect himself but he felt scattered. He tried focusing on his own field of vision and that seemed to help. He tried imagining the knight’s vision as security monitors playing in the background. He continued, “I’m fine and…yes, I used laser treatments. I don’t think I’ll ever want facial hair and it saves me time in the morning and space in my overnight kit.”

 _‘So that’s what it would feel like. I’ll admit, if that’s the result it gets, I’m tempted,’_ said Hathor.

 _‘You would be smooth as polished durasteel brother of my heart,’_ purred Mako

 _‘As interesting as it would be, I think I’d miss shaving,’_ confessed Eleo.

 _‘A man ought to shave! Hair on your face is what separates men from boys!’_ bellowed E’Chon, who Hux was slowly realizing had little to no control over his volume.

 _‘I would have to consult the ancient scriptures on this matter…’_ pondered Seigurd.

 _‘But you felt it right? It was so silky,’_ said Gaius.

 _‘…you um…d-don’t shave? Th-that’s…you’re very…it was nice…’_ Kylo stammered quietly, his voice coming through muddled and frazzled.

Hux sat back in his seat and involuntarily experienced something new. He was so surprised and slightly exasperated that the thought that was in his mind came out loud and clear _, ‘You’re all divas…’_

 _‘Hey, he did it without moving his mouth!’_ exclaimed Eleo _, ‘Good work, General.’_

“I-I didn’t mean to do that,” stammered Hux out loud, “You weren’t meant to hear that.”

 _‘We don’t mind. It’s the truth and we’re proud of it,’_ admitted Hathor.

 _‘You are communing with us. Your intuitive thoughts and emotions are open to our senses,’_ explained Seigurd.

“I’m…I think I’ve had enough,” said Hux.

 _‘Alright, we’ll disconnect you. I’ll count down again and, poof, we’ll all be gone,_ ’ said Gaius, _‘So be sure you’re holding my hand again. Ready? Five…’_

 _‘Farewell my shimmering garnet gem of orderliness,’_ called Mako.

 _‘We’ll be seeing you later, I’m sure,’_ added Hathor.

_‘Four.’_

_‘Try to at least have some fun with this Star Destroyer of yours,_ ’ said Eleo.

_‘Three.’_

_‘May you drink deep from the cup of victory, General!’_ thundered E’Chon.

_‘Two.’_

_‘The Force be with you, General,’_ said Seigurd.

_‘H-Hux? I mean, General…I really…you…so…b-bye!’_

_‘One. There. They’re all gone,’_ said Gaius.

All of the different fields of vision had blinked out as each knight departed. It was like taking off a pair of infrared goggles after becoming used to seeing the world through different lenses. At first Hux’s own vision felt odd to him, then his body remembered that this was the norm and his senses quickly clicked back into place. He picked up his stylus and scribbled more notes.

“That was fascinating…” said Hux, slightly awestruck.

 _‘Better than sitting around trying to explain it,’_ said Gaius with a slight laugh.

“And you really weren’t pulling my leg about Kylo Ren either,” mused Hux.

 _‘Sometimes people’s thoughts sound different from what they allow others to see. Kylo’s like that. It might have something to do with that Jedi brainwashing he had as a child,’_ replied Gaius with a hint of bitterness, _‘The dark side is natural, we don’t posture. Someone had to teach him how to do that…’_

Hux was surprised that the small knight was so protective of his leader. But then, if they were all part of the same collective conscious, than an attack on one person past or present would be an attack on them all. But that meant…

“Did it hurt? When I kicked E’Chon Ren?” asked Hux.

 _‘Well, it wasn’t pleasant. We weren’t homed in on his nervous system, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have felt, but, yeah, we all felt it,’_ explained Gaius.

“Oh…” said Hux quietly. He was not about to apologize for protecting himself, but his intention had not been to kick all of the knights at once. Not all of them deserved it. Though some of them deserved it, in a lesser degree of painfulness.

Gaius cupped his masked face with his free hand and leaned on the table before slyly saying, _‘I feel your remorse and accept your apology, General.’_

“I made no such indication,” said Hux haughtily, “You must have felt it from one of your brothers.”

 _‘Sure…’_ replied Gaius.


	10. And Suddenly Rathtars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Han Solo in the distance: That's not how the Force works!   
> Me: I don't caaaaaaaaaaaaaaare~   
> J.J. Abrams in the distance: That's not how Rathtars work!   
> Me: I really don't caaaaaaaaaaaare~ 
> 
> Okay, so the whole planning process of this chapter was me being like, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if Hux became the Knights of Ren's tactician?" Then Countofeight was like, "Ooh! That would be cool!" "Yeah...but who should they fight?" "Rathtars!" "Hm...but aren't Rathtars a bit overused?" "Yeah, but it would be cool!" "...yeah you're right" *starts typing*

The knights were all on a pilgrimage of some sort. Hux had been informed of that much before they had all come onboard. At first he had been irritated that he had to reroute the Finalizer’s course for some space wizard road trip, but orders were orders and he had to abide by them. It was tedious though, drifting in orbit around some backwater planet while the knights visited this ancient temple of theirs. They had taken Kylo’s assault vessel, manned only by minimal flight crew. The knights had insisted on having minimal interference from non-Force users. Hux had forced Kylo to at least bring a comlink along anyways, in case there was an emergency.

And so he stood on the bridge, with hardly anything to do, watching monitors through the corners of his eyes and glancing about restlessly. Were they performing some sort of ritual? Sitting in a circle and praying some ancient litany? It did not matter much to Hux. He was only interested in figuring out how long this whole thing would take.

“Sir, there’s a problem with Sanitation,” called Mitaka.

“Thank you Lieutenant, I’ll have a look,” replied Hux, desperate for something, anything, to do at this point. He pulled out his datapad. So an entire chain of toilets hand backed up on deck twelve. Hux sighed and began to put in the command to shut the water off in that area so repairs could begin. Hopefully security had caught whoever had done such a thing. Hux could not think of a single crew member who was capable of single handily defecating enough to-

“Lord Ren wishes to speak to you General,” Mitaka called out.

“Patch him through,” ordered Hux, “This is General Hux, go ahead.”

“There has been a new development.” Kylo’s voice drifted through the bridge on the comlink, his voice distorted twice over by his voice modulator and the com. He let out a noise that sounded between a grunt and a gasp before growling, “This is going to take longer than we thought.”

“How much longer?” asked Hux irately.

“Do you have visual or are you blind!?” snarled Kylo.

“We have visual but we aren’t homed in on your location,” replied Hux, doing his best to at least appear that his usual coolness had not been disturbed.

“Right, because that’s a help!” snapped Kylo, “Take a closer look, General!”

“Zoom in on Lord Ren’s location,” ordered Hux, sending out the identification number for Kylo’s tracker.

A holoscreen zoomed in further. It showed the planet’s surface entirely covered in Rathtars.

“How the bloody hell did a brood of Rathtars make it all the way out here?” Hux wondered out loud.

“Yes, well, when you’re done pondering the mysteries of the universe General, we need a shuttle for pickup,” grunted Kylo. Hux watched him swing his lightsaber at a creature that tried to grab him, “It seems the shuttle crew fell to pieces when the Rathtars showed up. Tiny pieces. Tiny _edible_ pieces.”

“I get the point,” seethed Hux as he watched the knights fight off the onslaught of monsters.

The chaos of the field was worse than the combat trial the knights had held in the training room. Rens were running about seemingly aimlessly. One of them would falter, then recover, and the others would rally to the one that had been attacked whether he needed assistance or not. They were leaving themselves too open. They could not mount a proper offensive like this. Hux looked over their weapons. Kylo, E’Chon, and Seigurd only had melee weapons, while Gaius, Mako and Eleo had weapons with some range. Hathor was the only one who carried both. If they could get in a proper formation than they might be able to…

“Dispatch a shuttle with two crews. Do not land until the all clear has been given,” commanded Hux. He looked at the battle one more and braced his arms against the console. He looked about at the bridge crew, “Ignore every command I give unless I say the word ‘Finalizer’ before it.”

“S-Sir?” asked Mitaka.

Hux turned back to the screen, “Ren, patch me in.”

“What!?” exclaimed Kylo.

“The planet’s surface is swarming with those things. You’re not going to be able to hold out like that if you keep running in circles without any sort of plan. Patch me in,” repeated Hux.

“It’s going to hurt! With all the fighting we can’t go easy on you,” growled Kylo.

“Then don’t go easy on me!” snapped Hux, “Patch me-”

The smell of burning flesh filled his nose. Blaster fire, the hum of a lightsaber, and heavy masked breathing assaulted his ears. Limited vision cut off by visors showed horrific rows of teeth snapping at him. He felt the dryness of seven mouths. He felt the exhaustion of twenty eight limbs and the collective weight of seven sets of armour. He felt movement. Strange ground under his feet.

More than that he felt panic. He felt desperation. Horrified thoughts ripped through his brain as all the knights feared for the safety of their fellows. Hux gritted his teeth. He had to separate them, put them each in their own corner. More importantly he had to separate himself from the knights. He fought to focus on the vision he experienced with his own eyes. He looked at the screen and his hands clutched the console, helping him keep himself physically and mentally rooted to his location.

“Mako, Gaius, Eleo, fall back,” commanded Hux.

Hux felt overwhelming confusion at first.

_‘And abandon my dearest of companions!?’_

_‘No, wait, I sense him planning. I think I understand what he wants us to do.’_

_‘I can see the field through his eyes…Kriff, how many of these things are there!?’_

_‘Obey the General, brothers! They will not get past me!’_

“Ranged combatants provide cover fire. Melee combatants maintain a minimum five meter radius around ranged combatants,” ordered Hux. He gripped the console tighter, “Finalizer convert visual to a grid. Finalizer fire precision charges at points beginning at A32 in a circular pattern using the three clustered knights as the center.”

_‘He had better not strike the temple with those wretched cannons of his!’_

_‘Didn’t you hear the points he called out? The cannon charges he’s using won’t hit the temple, or you know, us!’_

_‘Bwa ha ha! See how they fall before me! You take such dainty swings brother!’_

_‘I’m snuffing out a life. It should be done tastefully.’_

_‘When we return I will compose a war sonnet about your most graceful kills.’_

_‘Hey…uh…you guys hear that whistling?’_

Hux flinched as he watched the cannons strike their marks with a flash seen through fourteen eyes and a deafening roar pounding fourteen ears. He gritted his teeth and focused on his screen.

“You have a trench now, they’ll have no choice but to crawl in and up. Melee combatants to compass points and guard ninety degrees of the circle each. Ranged combatants try to shoot them down before they reach the trench. Finalizer scan the planet surface and locate the source,” Hux rasped out.

_‘It’s nice having eyes from above. Like our own personal mission control.’_

_‘Try not to keep them all from me Mako, or you may not have enough material for that sonnet.’_

_‘If you fall brother of my heart there will be no sonnet.’_

_‘Hux? Hux your crew is talking to you. We need you to focus!’_

Hux started at the words and focused on his own hearing.

“…has been located at fifty degrees latitude by eighty six degrees longitude!” called Mitaka’s voice.

“Finalizer, target the source and destroy it!” called Hux. His head was beginning to pound painfully as he tried to concentrate on everything at once.

_‘Your boyfriend is sending us an airstrike.’_

“I’m not ordering an airstrike,” growled Hux. He was overwhelmed and angry, almost out of his mind with the battle-lust the knights kept pouring into him. He pounded the console and shouted out, “I _AM_ AN AIRSTRIKE!”

_‘…well, you heard him, he’s not my boyfriend. He’s an airstrike.’_

_‘Bwa ha ha! Lust for battle suits him!’_

_‘Yes! Lend us your fathomless rage, General!’_

_‘Most beauteous of all airstrikes, dear General.’_

_‘Hux, I can feel what you’re planning, can you keep tabs on us all? Are you okay?’_

“Target successfully eradicated,” called Mitaka.

“Go,” ordered Hux, only able to focus enough on his own thoughts to recite commands, clinging to them and himself in a sea of Ren as if the words were a prayer, “Kylo, E’Chon, on point, north. Eleo, Gaius, cover point. Hathor lancer’s position. Seigurd, rear guard. Mako, cover rear guard.”

_‘Don’t think we’ve ever used a formation before.’_

_‘I don’t believe we ever needed to. Good thing his intuition shows us exactly what he means.’_

_‘Hux, are you okay!? Please answer me! Are you going to be al-”_

**_‘Kylo!’_ **

Hux gritted his teeth and bit back a scream as he felt something sharp sink into Kylo’s right bicep. He howled out, “Dammit Kylo take point position and focus on the mission!”

Hux felt a new set of emotions surging through him. The thing had bitten him, his brother, all of his brothers. Wait…brother? These feelings could not belong to him, could they? Before he could question it Hux felt a surge of anger flowing through him, a thirst for vengeance. At least a hundred ways to kill a Rathtar played like a blur through his mind. For a moment the only cohesive thought he could form was _, ‘Kill it.’_

Hux watched the Rathtar that bit Kylo take a blaster bolt from Eleo, another from Gauis, then get hacked to pieces by Kylo’s lightsaber. Hux struggled to decipher his own frustration and calm among the flurry of pride, vindication, blood-lust, worry, self-assurance, satisfaction and outrage coming off of the knights. He was losing himself. He was being swallowed up by the Rens. He gripped the console. He was Hux. He knew his own feelings. He knew which eyes were his. He knew what he was holding. The feeling of weapons was coming from someone else’s hands, not his own. He watched the screen and pretended the other sets of vision were screens around him. He pretended that he was watching a live feed, trying to disconnect what he saw from the sensations and emotions, chanting out degree headings for the ranged units to target and compass points for the melee combatants.

“Finalizer send word that the shuttle can prepare for landing,” Hux finally panted. He felt exhausted. He had barely move but he felt the physical exhaustion as if he had been fighting alongside the knights. He scanned the screen in front of him as best he could. The knights were finishing off the last of them neatly. He called out, “Cut me off. I can’t take anymore, cut me off!”

Suddenly he was thrust back to the reality he was more acquainted with. Two eyes, two ears, taking in familiar sights and sounds and his own limbs touching familiar objects. The pain and exhaustion snapped away from him. He heard a voice, soft and kindly whispering in the back of his mind, _‘Hux…Hux are you okay? Are you there?’_

“I’m here,” said Hux, trying to pry his shaking hands off of the console.

_‘I can sense you. You’re mentally exhausted and you’re shaking really badly…are you okay? Can I do anything?’_

“You could not die after I went through all that trouble to make sure you didn’t get eaten,” said Hux softly, still trying to come to grips with the sudden shift.

_‘I’m…I’m going to send you something. Don’t be afraid, it’ll help. I’m sending you my feelings.’_

Being from Arkanis, sunshine had been something of a rarity for Hux, but he knew the feeling well enough. Whatever the knight had sent him felt like sunshine. It was warm, but gentle, sweeping through him physically and mentally. It was hard for Hux to put into words what exactly it was with his limited emotional vocabulary. Happy did not seem right. Neither did satisfaction. It did not quite feel strong enough for victorious revelry or pride. Whatever it was it calmed Hux almost instantly, soothing his aching body and mind like a long shower after a hard day.

_‘I’ll pull back now…Hux…you…you’re kind of crazy.’_

“I passed my psych eval just fine,” said Hux, staggering back and looking about, “Lieutenant Mitaka you have the bridge. I’m going to wait for the knights’ return.”

Nobody responded. Hux looked about and furrowed his brow. Why weren’t they…?

Hux rolled his eyes, “Finalizer belay the order to only listen to me unless I say ‘Finalizer’ first!”

“Yes, Sir,” replied the crew.

Hux looked about exasperated, “What are we!? A bunch of five year olds playing a game of ‘Emperor Says’!?”

“T-To be fair, General…you did order it, and for a few minutes there we thought you had lost your mind,” said Mitaka.

 _‘I think I nearly did…’_ Hux thought to himself, recalling the nearly impossible task of trying to distinguish his own feelings and physical sensations from those of the knights. He sighed and repeated, “Lieutenant Mitaka, you have the bridge.”

As he walked off the bridge through the blast doors he recalled the feeling and tried to put a word to it. Peaceful? It might have been peace but the knight said it was his own feeling. Hux could not imagine anyone feeling peaceful after the adrenaline rush a fight would often spark. It still felt too mild for pride, and he was not sure that any of the knights would be proud of him. Relieved? Possibly, but somehow it did not fit in Hux’s mind.

He paused, coming to a full halt in the middle of the hall and furrowed his brow. The knight’s voices all sort of blurred. Some of them were distinct, but some of them were a little difficult to tell apart. However, he knew the voice that had spoken with him last, that had shown him the most concern. It was unbelievably shy, protective, dare he say kind…

…and it had belonged to Kylo Ren.


	11. The Dog-Pile of Victory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like kicking back with a glass of Space-Jamieson after you and your buddies obliterated a bunch of tentacle monsters...

Hux waited in the hanger with his arms crossed. The recovery team had dropped off a shuttle crew to man the assault vessel. They both ought to be back soon. He stared, watching the proceedings. Normally he was bored, but after the battle frenzy he had experienced through the knights he felt restless. Suddenly he had a rush of energy and nothing to do with it. If the hanger crews were not milling about he might have considered pacing, perhaps even running a few laps just to get the post-battle high out of his system.

He watched the two vessels land and sighed. He would have to send messages to the personnel offices to get a flight crew to replace the one the Rathtars ate. Not to mention getting death certificates issued and notifying next of kin. It was always a headache when a bunch of people had the indecency to get killed unexpectedly all at the same time.

The gangplank extended as the doors to the shuttle and assault vessel opened up. A stream of black robed knights filed out and came barreling towards him. Hux arched his brow. None of them was saying anything, and it was awfully hard to read their moods with their masks on. They did not seem angry when they had all been connected, but perhaps in retrospect they decided they did not care for being ordered about. There was no way they would be stupid enough to kill him though. Would they?

Then the Rens descended upon him in the most literal way possible. Gaius pounced on him first, knocking him to the ground. Then the others followed. Someone’s black clad torso covered his face so he could not tell which order the knights of Ren had decided to pile on top of him. He did however hear E’Chon thunder, “Hurrah for the soft-handed tactician!” before a crushing weight suddenly dropped on him.

“What is this?” Hux gasped out, his voice barely above a whisper, “Can’t breathe…”

“The dog-pile of victory, a most ancient tradition,” said Seigurd solemnly.

Hux wriggled, trying to get in a position where he could at least breathe freely, but the only part of him he could move was his hand. He heard boots approaching. Probably technicians or guards checking in on him. Hux grunted and waved his hand frantically. Poor, loyal souls. The Rens might tear them apart if they interrupted.

The footsteps slowed then faded and Hux prodded at whichever knight was closest to his hand, “Can’t breathe!”

One by one the knights began to roll off of him, leaving Hux coughing and gasping for air. He felt two knights, he was fairly sure it was Hathor and Mako, grab him by the hands and launched him up of the ground, straight into E’Chon, who threw Hux over his shoulder. The large knight bellowed once more, “Behold his smallness and his mightiness! Tremble in fear before he who is an airstrike! Rathtars will quake in his presence for generations!”

“Put me down you oaf!” yowled Hux, pounding on the knight’s armoured back with his fists, “Ren! Tell him to put me down!”

“Heh, I think I kind of prefer you all helpless like this,” scoffed Kylo, moving around his large brother’s shoulder to get a good look at Hux’s face, which was no doubt red with fury.

A hand slapped his rear, which Hux realized was extremely vulnerable at the moment. He let out an undignified squeak and yelped, “Who did that!? Which of you- !? I swear I’ll have you shot!”

“What? Never gotten a slap on the behind after a job well done, General?” asked Eleo Ren.

“Put me down!” shouted Hux.

“In time, General, for now we must engage in our post-combat rituals,” explained Seigurd, “We must feast and revel in our accomplishment.”

“And since you were kind enough to assist us…” said Hathor, trailing off mischievously.

Hux slowly realized, “No! I have no time for your barbaric revelry, I’m on duty!”

“Part of your duty is to provide an escort as we travel to and from the pilgrim site,” said Kylo haughtily, “Just think of it as taking your job extra seriously.”

“All participants must observe the ritual!” cried Seigurd in a bizarre ecstasy.

Gaius Ren walked around his large brother and waved. Then gave Hux a thumbs up and started to do some sort of impromptu dance.

Hux groaned, “I just can’t win, can I?”

“You emerged victorious but a short while ago!” thundered E’Chon, making Hux squeak again as he was shifted and the large man began to walk, “Behold the soft-handed General! Heed his unwashed, fiery hair and icy gaze! Quaver and bask in his victorious glory!”

Hux tried to manoeuver to look over his shoulders as they approached the blast doors, “Y-You’re not…You’re not going to keep carrying me and yelling like that all the way to the mess hall are you!?”

In answer, E’Chon walked through the blast doors and kept shouting, “Feast your eyes upon your better, foolish minions! Behold his firm and shapely buttocks and bow before it! Master of strategy! He who scoured the tentacle beasts from above!”

“Oh god…” groaned Hux, who buried his face in his hands and prayed for death to come swiftly.

   ***  

Hux groaned into his folded arms. Not a few feet away, the Knights of Ren had commandeered the officer’s table and after Hux had calmed the kitchen staff – while still slung over E’Chon’s shoulder – they began their feast. It was like being stuck at a table with the worst sort of cadets at the Academy. The loud, obnoxious, undisciplined ones who were sure to earn a collective punishment for everyone. He peaked from behind his arms and shuddered at the sight of the mess the knights had made, their masks pulled back just enough shove food and drink in their mouths.

The General, for his part stayed as far out of the way as he could and nursed a bottle of Arkanis triple distilled whiskey while waiting for them to finish. He also tried to purge the memory of being hoisted through his ship while a large man shouted about his martial prowess and the firmness of his ass. He could not, and Hux doubted he would ever fully manage it.

At least he could partially see their faces though. Kylo was quite pale, as were Mako and Seigurd. Hathor was much darker skinned than the rest of his brothers. Mako also had an interesting jaw and chin structure. E’Chon had a swarthy complexion, being slightly darker than Eleo. Gaius seemed to be somewhere between Mako and Eleo in terms of his pallor, and he had not been exaggerating about his lower face being covered in scars. There were jagged lines and criss-crossing patterns all around his mouth, with many of them carving into his lips. Most surprisingly, all the knights were Humanoid. Hux could not say he had been expecting that.

Gaius caught Hux staring and looked away. Hux took a long drink, caught his breath and sighed, “Here I thought you would be some unholy terror. You’re not frightening in the least.”

The small knight turned slowly before giving a crooked grin and an exaggerated shrug.

“My scarlet soldier, my glittering garnet, be merry with us!” called Mako.

“Yes, we knights must be merry after all seven, and a spare, have achieved victory in the field. It is the way of our order,” explained Seigurd.

“I’m drinking, isn’t that enough?” asked Hux.

“Hardly,” said Hathor, “Sing, dance, laugh, and revel in the fact that you are alive and the enemy has been elegantly dispatched.”

“I am being merry,” said Hux, taking a drink of his whiskey.

The knights stared at him. Hux put his bottled down and stared back, “What’s wrong now?”

“Darling…no…” said Hathor, “You’re not.”

“His legs are strong, he ought to dance!” shouted E’Chon.

Hux rolled his eyes, “Well if one of you can waltz decently…”

“None of us needs to know. So long as we are permitted to read your intuitive thoughts we will understand how to move around you,” explained Seigurd.

“I was being bloody sarcastic!” exclaimed Hux.

“But you offered,” Eleo pointed out, stuffing some sort of meat back into his mouth as it nearly tumbled out. He elbowed Kylo in the ribs, “You should dance with our leader.”

“Why?” groaned Hux.

“Because it is necessary for the post-battle ritual you infuriatingly-attractive-Forceless-blasphemer!” thundered Seigurd, causing plates and foodstuffs to ripple back from him a few inches.

“Ugh…” Hux groaned. He looked over at Kylo, “Well? Shall we get this over with?”

“If it’s the only way to get you to stop moping,” Kylo groaned back.

Hux sighed and rapidly punched in a few commands on his datapad. A familiar song started playing, the one officers in training were taught to dance with. He got to his feet, only slightly unsteadily thanks to the whiskey and called to Kylo, “Coming?”

Kylo flipped his mask down, covering what little of his face had been showing. Hux stood in the middle of the nearly empty mess hall and stood at the ready as he had been trained to do, though it was usually some imaginary lady or unenthused classmate he was extending his hand to receive. Kylo gracelessly stomped over as his knights cheered for him.

“My lady,” said Hux, giving a sarcastic bow.

“Why am I the lady!?” demanded Kylo.

“Because I’m leading. Come on,” said Hux, placing a hand on Kylo’s thick waist and taking his hand with the other.

   ***

_“I’m still in awe that those lily fingers have such a grip.”_

_“I’m trying to figure out how he moves like that. It looks so natural and lovely.”_

_“Practice, obviously. If you do the same task over and over, like loading a weapon, the movements eventually become fluid.”_

_“Must you take the mystique out of everything you artless grease-monkey?”_

_“G-guys…he’s looking at me…what do I do?”_

_“I dunno, talk to him?”_

_“Wh-what should I say?”_

_“What do you desire to tell him Master of Ren?”_

_“I…that he’s pretty…that I’m glad he’s okay…”_

_“Start there then. Ask him how he’s feeling.”_

Kylo followed Hux. Most of his brain activity was focused on dancing, following the cues the music gave him, which in turn made it easier for Kylo to follow him. He still stumbled a bit, if he found one movement or other confusing, but he considered it a small victory that he had not stepped on Hux’s foot or knocked him over. Hux’s head was angled to stare over his shoulder, though occasionally he peered through the corner of his eye at Kylo. His posture was so straight and he seemed so sure of himself. Hux was good at coordinating people, giving orders, putting them exactly where he wanted. It made sense then that he was good at leading dances as well.

“You’re still moping,” said Kylo sourly. _“Dammit!”_

_“It’s not completely unsalvageable…”_

_“Impress him! Surely we have collectively memorized his victory dance! Take charge brother!”_

_“I don’t think he’d like that…”_

“I’m not moping, I’m introverted,” corrected Hux, “I usually don’t do this.”

_“Oh! You can follow up on that! Ask him what he usually does.”_

“So what do you do after a battle?” asked Kylo.

“I read, usually, wait for the adrenaline to die down, then I go back to work,” replied Hux.

“Heh, sounds boring,” said Kylo. _“Kriff!”_ “You just go back to torturing yourself?” _“I don’t mean it like that!”_ “It’s like you enjoy suffering.” _“Why am I still talking!?”_

_“Oof…okay, that was kind of rough…”_

_“Tell the martial flower he deserves better.”_

_“It won’t save the conversation, but it might work.”_

_“And if all else fails, he likes guns.”_

“It’s because I torture myself that this Star Destroyer stays functional,” replied Hux haughtily, “So unless you want it to implode, keep your comments to yourself.”

Kylo watched Hux from behind his mask. He could feel his face turning red as he managed to say, “You…d-deserve…better.”

Hux looked through the corner of his eye and arched his brow.

**_“You can do it brother!”_ **

“You deserve better. You work hard, so, you should be allowed to indulge yourself,” said Kylo. _“That…that came out right. That came out right! Something finally came out right!”_

_“Praise be to the dark side!”_

_“I drink to your conquered nerves!”_

_“Not as poetic as it may have been, but it will come as the needle turns.”_

_“You did beautifully, brother.”_

_“Finally! I mean you’ve only been mooning over him for months!”_

_“You finally did it! We’re so proud of you!”_

“Reading is an indulgence. I’m an introvert,” Hux repeated, “Things like this are a bit…much.”

Kylo gripped Hux’s hand tighter and spat, “Well sorry for trying to be nice, General!” _“AUGH!”_

_“Back to the drawing board I guess…you really should have gone with guns.”_

_“How fickle victory is to fly anon from thee…”_

_“Um…you tried?”_

“Hmph, and how would you have me ‘indulge myself,’” asked Hux dryly.

Kylo felt himself and his brothers collectively turn red. They all knew perfectly well exactly how Kylo wanted Hux to ‘indulge’.

_“Okay, no matter what you do, don’t tell him. Especially the fantasy with the whipped cream and-”_

_“I know.”_

_“After my attempt at carrying him off, I can agree that is a bad idea. Speak not of the leather-”_

_“I know!”_

_“If you don’t want this turning ugly definitely don’t mention wanting to put your-”_

_“I KNOW!”_

“That’s what I thought…” Hux murmured smugly when he heard no reply. He paused for a moment, turning his face slightly to look at Kylo and said, “With your connection…I’m dancing with all of you aren’t I?”

“Yes, we can all feel my movements, your intuition and your physical contact,” said Kylo.

“Fascinating,” said Hux. The curiosity and amusement coming off of him felt genuine. At least he was sort of having a good time now. The whiskey had made Hux a bit hazy, but he seemed to have a strong alcohol tolerance, so his mind was not too muddled, “And what was that whole ‘boyfriend’ thing about earlier?”

“Oh my gosh Hux why do you have to read so deep into everything! You’re my General and you’re always nagging and bossing me around so they call you my boyfriend! It’s a joke! Stop taking things so seriously!” Kylo blurted out quickly. He felt his brothers all collectively perform the mental equivalent of a face-palm and sent him calming thoughts. Calm, play it cool, just talk, try to be nice, “If anything I should be asking _you_ why you suddenly took to calling yourself an airstrike…”

Hux flushed, “It was…the heat of the moment and I was confused. I think I had a bit too much of E’Chon in my head.”

“It was…cute,” said Kylo, “We all thought so. You know, after the life threatening danger passed.”

“I’d rather you forgot about that…” said Hux quietly. He tried to change the subject, “How’s your arm?”

“Seigurd patched it up, and no, I don’t think it’s physically possible to forget that little outburst. No, General, I think we’ll be remembering that for a long, long time…” teased Kylo.

“Bastard,” Hux muttered.


	12. I'll Show you Mine...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand I've fallen behind on replying to comments again (sorry!). It may take me a while to get to all of them, but I do read and appreciate all of them. 
> 
> Also, for the next week I am going to be doing a bit of backpacking. I will be bringing my laptop, which is a first for me, I usually leave my computer behind when I travel. So in theory I should be able to keep updating, provided the hostels I use have wifi. However, there is a possibility I might miss a day. Sorry.

Hathor insisted on being given a crash course in waltzing, which Hux happily obliged. Anything to get away from the boisterous revelry the other knights seemed to enjoy. He was more than happy to have been away from the table when some sort of eating contest began. All things considered, the evening went as smoothly as Hux figured a gathering of Rens could. Nothing was irreparably damaged, so that had to count for something. It was more than he was comfortable hoping for really, and in a surprisingly pleasant twist E’Chon did not attempt to pick him up and carry him around the ship again.

Just as Hux was thinking they were all being wonderfully cooperative it dawned on him. It was getting late. Soon the day-shift crew would be switching out with the night-shift crew, and the knights were expecting him to participate in that other ritual of theirs. Hux nearly rolled his eyes. Of course they were being nice to him. They probably did not want his mood putting the Force in some sort of funk during their ridiculous tradition.

Although, as much as the knights were a thorn in his side, he liked walking in the midst of them. They were silent, imposing, surrounding him like a personal, almost imperial guard. Hux found himself enjoying the thought in spite of his apprehension. While he had his misgivings about seven grown men giving him very intimate attention all at once, he did like the idea of having seven highly trained, unworldly strong units making him the center of their bizarre little world.

Though, now that he thought about it, Hux recalled what Eleo had mentioned. Fourteen hands, not much surface area. Hux tilted his head slightly to get a better look at the knights’ hands. He already knew E’Chon could probably encircle his waist with his hands. Kylo seemed like he would not be able to do the same, but he could come quite close. Just between the two of them it seemed like there would not be much area left open. If one of them had hands on his waist and the other had hands on his shoulders, then that left…

Hux felt a blush creep over his cheeks and tried not to think about it too hard. He was curious, he was interested, but this was a problem he’d rather have someone else figure out the logistics of before he fried his brain.

Upon entering the guest room, he let out an annoyed groan as he looked at what they had done to it. All the mattresses had been tossed in a sort of mosaic on the floor and the metal bedframes had been crushed against the walls. While some spare black robes seemed to be in neatly folded piles, others had been tossed about haphazardly, along with what looked like provision wrappers, crumbs, and a pair of what Hux was fairly certain were used underpants. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, “You might have told me you were going to trash the beds. If I’d known I wouldn’t have had them brought in…”

Gaius took a running start at the mattress mosaic and leapt into the center of it, sprawling out as E’Chon did the same and the two started wrestling. Hathor had disappeared into the refresher while Seigurd and Mako rummaged through some bags. Kylo had disappeared to who knew where. Eleo was leaning against the wall behind Hux, cleaning his gun. Hux sighed, “Or, you know, ignore me. That’s fine.”

He was not exactly sure where he was supposed to be. It was his ship, but the knights were a tightly knight group with a very well established social dynamic. He felt a bit like an intruder in their midst. He stood still, watching them move about for a while before skirting around the room to watch from a different angle. He was toying with the idea of leaving when Hathor emerged from the refresher, “Alright, I scented the water so even if you’re completely hopeless, you’ll smell decent.”

Oh, right, they wanted him to take a bath first. Kylo entered through the blast doors carrying a small bundle. He shoved them against Hux’s chest, “I hope this is what you wear at night. You should have picked something up before coming here.”

Hux snatched them up, very much offended that Kylo had gone through his things, but he supposed it was better than getting in the bath and realizing he’d brought nothing to wear. It was what he normally wore for exercise, a pair of standard loose shorts and a matching, regulation tank top. He did not normally sleep in them, but considering there would be seven other bodies around him, having less clothing would probably keep him from overheating.

Through the corner of his eye Hux saw Seigurd float something over to him. He caught it in the air and looked it over, “What’s…?”

“Shampoo,” said Eleo, from his place against the wall, “It’s for your hair.”

Mako sauntered up and passed him another bottle, “And conditioner, also for those fiery tresses. It is preceded by the shampoo.”

“Oh, and there’s a different soap by the bathtub. I trust you know how to use it. It’s a scent we all agree would suit you,” said Hathor.

Hux looked at the bottles and then at the knights, “Why do I feel like you’re preparing me as some sort of virgin sacrifice?”

“You’re thinking of an entirely different ritual,” huffed Seigurd.

“Is it? I suppose next you want me to wear a white robe and come out of the refresher wearing a crown of flowers,” huffed Hux.

The seven knights exchanged a glace before six voices chorused, “ _Could_ you?”

“Wh- No! That was sarcasm! At least one of you must have some concept of sarcasm!” snapped Hux.

Gaius stood up on the mattresses and raised his hand.

Hux grinned slightly, “You’re still my favorite.”

The small knight started to do his victory dance again. Hux did not need to be patched into their collective conscious to feel the other knights becoming irritated again. As he stepped into the refresher he heard six voices cry out, “Fuck off, Gaius!” before a crash.

Hux groaned. They better not destroy his ship…

   ***  

Not long after dog-piling Gaius, the knights settled back on the mattresses. Kylo listened to water splashing and knew Hux must have gotten into the tub.

Hathor called out, “Are you getting between your toes and fingers?”

“Yes…” Hux groaned back.

“And behind your ears?” asked Seigurd.

“Ugh, yes!”

“And you’re using the pouf?” continued Eleo.

“Yes! For goodness sakes I’m a grown man! I know how to bathe myself!” protested Hux.

“Then show those layers of dead skin no mercy General!” called E’Chon.

“Ugh…”

Kylo heard a slightly more aggressive splash and a pink tinge spread over his cheeks.

_“Guys…he’s in the bath.”_

_“And it’s about time, really.”_

_“N-no it’s not that…its…he’s in the bath.”_

_“So?”_

_“If he’s in the bath he’s…he’s… **naked**.” _

Kylo felt his brothers beginning to blush as well. They had all probably seen his daydreams about Hux, and a few actual dreams, but that had been when their only exposure to the General had been through Kylo’s senses. Now the man they all felt varying degrees of attraction for was meters away, naked, with only a very breakable door separating them. Their minds were collectively bombarded with shared images of what they imagined the General looked like under his uniform.

Gaius broke the silence, _“Yup…people do tend to be naked when they take baths…”_

_“Y-you don’t think he’ll need help in there…like…um…if he starts drowning?”_

_“I hope he’s not that clueless…though perhaps he needs help reaching his back?”_

_“Indeed, there are places it is most arduous to scrub.”_

_“Yes, because he needs help.”_

_“Precisely!”_

_“It must be done properly after all.”_

_“…”_

_“I’m not asking him, you ask him!”_

_“It was my idea, you ask him!”_

_“I don’t want to ask him! You like him most, you ask him!”_

_“You’re the ‘favorite,’ you ask him!”_

_“No way! I can’t! You’re the ‘second’ you ask him!”_

They heard a gulping sound as the plug from the drain was pulled. Kylo flushed harder.

_“He’s getting out…do you think…he gets warm and flushed in the bath?”_

_“Probably…”_

_“He is very pale…”_

_“He’s probably really pink right now…”_

_“He’d look nice in a black robe.”_

_“Now that I think about it…I think I left a spare in there.”_

_“Y-you did? Do you think he’ll wear it?”_

_“…”_

_“You ask him.”_

_“I physically can’t do that. You do it!”_

“There’s a robe. You can use it if you’re cold,” said Kylo.

“…Ah, I see it. Thank you,” said Hux.

**_“He’s gonna wear it!”_ **

_“Who’s was it?”_

_“Er…don’t be mad…but it was yours, Kylo.”_

_“Eleo you little shit! He’s about to come out of there…all damp and steaming…wearing nothing but my…”_

_“He’ll still have his shorts and stuff.”_

_“Don’t ruin my mental image, Gaius!”_

“There were a ridiculous amount of bottles and lotions in there. Not a label in sight though. I’ve no idea how you keep your things organized,” called Hux.

The General stepped out of the refresher, patting his hair dry. Kylo’s robe, though Hux had not seemed to realize it belonged to Kylo, was draped around his shoulders for extra warmth. Kylo and his brothers snapped to attention as he came back in. Kylo could sense admiration, attraction and some flustered feelings coming from his brothers. For his own part Kylo was having trouble deciphering exactly what emotions he was feeling. All he knew was Hux lying on his bed, wearing his robe over his tiny frame was one of his favorite fantasies and now…

The real Hux, not his daydream, was tall, but very slender. _Svelte,_ he could hear Mako supply. His skin was indeed tinted a light pink from the bath, his hair was still a little damp, but it seemed lighter and freer, and when it was not slicked back Hux looked incredibly boyish. If Kylo had no idea who Hux was and someone had said the General was in his thirties, Kylo would have called them a liar. The black robe around his shoulders, almost swallowing him up with how broad it was. It hung open, swishing while he walked. He also smelled amazing, all flowers and spices.

The real Hux had not disappointed him.

_“He sent me flying across a room with those scrawny legs!? Those twig-like arms dragged me through the halls!?”_

_“What sorcery is this!?”_

_“How much padding was in that uniform!?_

_“How did he make himself look so threatening before!?”_

_“The lion rampant was a swan in disguise!?”_

_“I’m not complaining but…how the hell did he do that!? J-Just, the amount of time he must have spent designing and planning where to pad…”_

_“He’s…how…he’s so cute. He was cute before but now…he’s so small…I’m kind of scared I’m going to crush him.”_

“So…is anyone going to talk to me or are you going to do your telepathy thing and just stare in my general direction?” asked Hux.

“No, you just…caught us meditating,” said Kylo.

Hathor stood and approached Hux, removing a glove. He raked his hand through Hux’s hair with quick movements, tossing ginger hair in every direction, “There, see, it feels lighter now, doesn’t it?”

_“It’s so fluffy now!”_

_“That’s because it’s finally clean and conditioned. It turned out quite nicely if I do say so myself.”_

_“You know best of all of us, brother of my heart.”_

_“He has indeed achieved lightness and fluffiness.”_

_“As the darkness commands.”_

_“Just…guys…the padding…I am still not over the padding.”_

_“M-Maybe…brush it out of his eyes? I can’t see them…”_

_“Master of Ren, if you would like to arrange his hair you must do it yourself. I’ll obey all other commands, but I feel taking this challenge upon yourself would be good for you.”_

“It doesn’t stick in place,” said Hux quietly, turning a shade of pink that had nothing to do with the bath.

Kylo could feel the glare Hathor was giving Hux through his slim visor, “Hair that has been properly cleaned doesn’t stick.”

“Now that the vessel has had a satisfactory cleansing, the ritual may begin,” said Seigurd.

Hux held up a hand, “Nothing may begin until we’re all on equal ground.”

The knights collectively regarded Hux with confusion. The General haughtily folded his arms across his chest, “You’ve all seen me without my uniform, I think it’s only fair that I see you without your masks.”


	13. ...you show me yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm going to disappoint everyone with my knight reveals. Everyone has probably imagined them differently from how I described already >

“I show you mine, you show me yours, I believe that’s how the saying goes,” said Hux.

The knights all seemed a bit stunned by that. While they usually took to staring off into space, probably chattering away at each other telepathically, this time they were actually turning their heads and looking at each other. Hathor on the other hand, almost eagerly placed his hands on either side of his mask. There was a hiss and a click as the mask popped open and he slid the whole thing off gracefully.

Hux already knew Hathor was very dark skinned. He was not expecting him to have such slim, fine features though. His nose was straight and thin, sitting over a set of full lips. While his high cheekbones were striking, Hux found himself immediately drawn to the man’s eyes, which were dark, with thick, heavy makeup around his eyes that had somehow miraculously stayed pristine, even after the Rathtar battle. His hair was straight as a pin, and thick, framing his clean-shaven face in an effeminate way and stopping sharply at his jaw.

Hux heard another hiss and saw Mako taking his checked mask off. His hair, black and thick like Hathor’s was artfully wild. His dark, almond shaped eyes stood out against his light skin. His nose was broad, and his face rounded, giving a substantial amount of space for a crooked smile. His eyes glittered as he looked up at Hathor. The other knight sighed, “You didn’t have to do it just because I did.”

Hux was stunned by the smooth, light quality of his unmodulated voice. He had heard it in his head, but somehow it was quite another thing to hear the knight speak out loud. Mako gave a light laugh and replied, “Your beauty is best observed unobstructed, brother of my heart. Besides, how could I deny a request from our stunning rose of the First Order? How bright the lovely pearl shines with your gentle instruction.”

Mako’s compliments were even more flustering without his face hidden behind the mask. Turning slightly and trying to will away his blush, he saw E’Chon rip off his mask. He too had black hair, but it was long and held tight in a braid. With a sweep of his large hand it came undone with the Force and settled around him. His skin was an olive shade with black eyes that were shaped similarly to Mako’s. His mouth was thin and his nose was crooked, like it had been broken and reset one time too many. He also had a prominent scar that was dangerously close to his left eye. He huffed, and since he had no filter his strong, gruff voice seemed to ring louder, “I’ll not be outdone by a pair of dandies!”

“You didn’t seem to find my being a ‘dandy’ so problematic when you needed that mop untangled,” huffed Hathor.

“Ah, as fierce with tongue as he is with blade,” sighed Mako.

As they bickered, Seigurd’s helmet popped off. As if to answer Hux’s unspoken wondering if all the knights were dark haired, Seigurd’s proved to be a shockingly bright blond. It was so lightly coloured it almost looked white against his black robes. His skin was pale too, nearly as white as Hux’s usual pallor. His features were those Hux would have expected from a ghost if he believed in them. His eyes were an icy blue and his lips stunningly pink against his skin. He regarded Hux sternly, “I remove my helm because it is my own desire, not yours. Your orders have no sway over me.”

“Of course not,” replied Hux smugly.

There was another hiss and Eleo’s mask came off. He sighed, shaking out his neck, causing a few cracking sounds and shaking out a mass of brown, wavy hair. He was slightly swarthy, with strong features and large brown eyes rimmed by shadows that Hux recognized as ones that came from one too many sleepless nights obsessing over plans and projects. He was a little bit scruffy around his jaws as well, but it seemed almost tasteful, the same way Mako’s wild hair was arranged in a way that was strangely aesthetically pleasing. He grinned and craned his neck slightly to look Hux over, “Glad to see you weren’t padding where it counted…”

Hux felt his face go red with fury as he wrapped the robe tightly around himself to hide his frame, “So you’re the one who slapped me!”

“Come on, it was right there, what was I supposed to do?” said the knight with a shrug, “Besides, I wasn’t keeping it terribly secret. You might have guessed it was me.”

“Now brother, not every soul admires a pert posterior as you do,” chided Mako, “You must treat our cherished claret treasure with more finesse.”

Mako rose and approached Hux, who willed himself not to step back as the flirtatious knight approached. He did his best to glare in spite of the pinkness he knew was contaminating his cheeks and look imposing despite his thin frame. The knight pulled him close and Hux felt his body jolt. It had been years since someone had embraced him, and he was fairly sure he had never been embraced quite like this. He gasped as the knight suddenly shifted. The second he stopped moving Hux realized he was being dipped back like a lady in a ballroom dance, though it was his first time being on the receiving end. He felt himself go crimson and could not help turning away as the knight tried to stare deep into his eyes. He heard Mako laugh, “Despite posturing as naught but bold roses, methinks this delicate blossom a modest violet…”

“Dammit Mako, put the General down!”

Hux turned and saw Kylo rip his mask off, glaring daggers at his brother. His hair was an exceptionally dark brown, as were his eyes. His skin, which was quite pale, was covered in moles and freckles. His nose was prominent, and slightly crooked, but it offset his full mouth nicely. His face, which seemed far too young to Hux, was screwed in a scowl as he glowered in disapproval. It was shocking to see Kylo without his mask. Hux was not sure what he had been expecting, and though he was not disappointed, he never would have guessed that was what Kylo looked like.

Mako flinched slightly before Hathor joined in. He stepped around Hux and his lover coolly, keeping his face passive before, to Hux’s shock, he was lifted upright to be sandwiched between the pair, “Why, Master of Ren? Are you bothered? Does our conduct displease you?”

Hux nearly let out an undignified squeak as he was pressed between them with Mako’s hand in his hair and Hathor’s at his cheek, “He belongs to all of us tonight. You may feel him through our nerves. There’s no need for jealousy.”

“I’m not jealous!” snapped Kylo, “Just let go of him, okay?!”

“Orders are orders,” sighed Hathor, slipping away from Hux, who remained tense and rigid even after the two knights had released him.

Eventually his eyes settled on Gaius, who was the only one still masked. The others had quieted down, possibly to talk to their fellows after their own fashion. Hux watched Gaius raise his hand to his helm and stopped. His arms shook slightly as they remained in place. Hux sighed, wrapping the robe around himself and approaching Gaius to crouch in front of him. Having recovered his voice after Hathor and Mako’s little prank he said sternly, “I think I’ve already seen the worst of it. I’ve never been scared off by a Ren and I’m not about to change that now.”

Gaius popped the helmet off and looked sheepishly at the ground. He was obviously the youngest of the knights, with traces of puppy fat still on his cheeks. He had very large, round, hazel eyes and thick, dark brown hair that waved slightly. His face, more than just his mouth had been badly scarred, though his lips and the area around them had taken the bulk of the abuse. His face was a criss-crossing roadmap of lines. Hux propped his chin up slightly to get him to look at something that was not the floor, “It’s just tissue. Nothing but excessive collagen. You can’t think that will scare me off.”

Hux’s eyes widened as the small knight wrapped his arms around him and nearly hauled him down onto the mattresses. Gaius held him suffocatingly tight and Hux heard a choked voice in his head.

_“Th-Thank you…”_

Hux felt more arms wrap around him and more, thick, armoured bodies press against him. It was very warm and uncomfortable and Hux could feel his legs starting to cramp up. He double-tapped against the side of somebody’s arm reflexively as a sign that he wanted to be let up again. He supposed it did not really matter which knight it had been, they would all undoubtedly feel it.

Whether they could correctly interpret the sign was another matter. None of the knights were letting go. Hux muttered, “My legs are cramping…”

There was a round of startled ‘oh’s before they all slowly started to back away again. Hux stood up and stretched out a bit. He felt a big hand on his shoulder and turned to see Kylo, looking away slightly as he said in his usual aggressive tone, “Right, you lie back. We’re going to figure out…logistics.”

“Logistics?” repeated Hux.

“Fourteen hands, small surface area,” repeated Eleo, “Thank goodness that you’re tall at least. Not sure what we would do if you were short as well as skinny.”

Hux kicked at the mattress mosaic on the floor, “Just anywhere then?”

“In the center, preferably,” said Seigurd.

Hux doubted he could find a true ‘center’ in the pile of mattresses, but he found an approximate location that suited him. Being on the floor was…strangely comfortable. It was also surprisingly nice to sprawl out, wearing something comfortable, feeling fresh and clean from the bath. He still was not used to his hair not staying in place. Normally he would wash it, comb it back and it stuck, now it was falling wherever it wanted and refusing to be orderly. It must have been that ‘conditioner’ stuff.

The knights remained silent, settling in around him. They all stood in a circle, staring off into space, presumably communing with each other with their thoughts. Hux looked about from one Ren to another, and realized what a vulnerable position he was in; lying prone with seven armoured men standing sentry around him. He hugged the robe around himself for protection. It smelled nice, clean, and of what was presumably some flower or spice or herb that Hux had never heard of before. For all their prowess in battle, the knights acted like a gaggle of prima-donnas.

Hux watched them, starting to become very unnerved. He had been assured that he was not about to be sacrificed, but now he was not so certain. They were looming over him so ominously. He called out, “Would you mind…doing that somewhere else?”

Kylo looked down briefly before looking up at his brothers. He suddenly started before looking down again, “Oh, right. Guess it must look strange to you.”

“That’s putting it lightly,” said Hux quietly, out the side of his mouth.

The knights moved off to another part of the room and Hux turned onto his side, getting a bit more comfortable. He did not regret this, but he was starting to think he’d gotten a bit over his head.


	14. Cuddle-Puddle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cuddling chapter is finally here!! Huzzah!

Hearing rustling and clattering, Hux glanced up over his shoulder. The knights were starting to strip off their robes and armour. He looked down again. He had lived in dorms. He was used to seeing people strip before, but they were usually people who he knew, had trained with and felt comfortable enough with that their nudity no longer bothered him. He barely knew these knights. He hoped…they weren’t going to get naked were they? Hux glanced up. It seemed they were just stripping down to an under-layer of clothing. That was fine. Nothing to worry about. Though Kylo’s cropped shirt and suspenders were highly irregular. Hux watched him remove his suspenders before settling back against the mattress.

They all had obvious scarring. Hux had not been expecting that. Most people had unsightly scars removed, but it seemed all the knights had scars on their chests and arms. Observing that they had none on their backs, Hux understood what Gaius Ren must have meant by an honourable wound. In many warrior cultures scars on the chest or face were signs of strength and endurance, that they had faced their opponents head on. A scar on the back indicated that they had run from an opponent, exposing their flank. It was an odd sight for Hux. He always thought seeming untouched and unmarred was a more powerful statement, offering the illusion that nobody had ever wounded him before.

“We need you to sit up for a minute,” Kylo called to him.

Hux groaned and sat up. He crossed his legs and kept his back straight out of habit. The knights approached slowly, glancing at each other occasionally until Kylo took the lead. He sighed through his nose before saying a bit awkwardly, “We want to…appreciate you now. It might feel and sound a bit weird if you’re not used to it.”

“I figured,” said Hux, doing his best to be nonchalant about seven strange men wanting to run their hands all over him.

“We were wondering if we could patch into your nerves,” said Kylo, “You won’t feel us, it would be too much for you, but we’ll be able to feel you.”

“Why?” asked Hux, full of curiosity.

“It’s…your first time doing anything like this. Mako sensed it when he hugged you. We’re just as curious about you as you are about us. We want to know how it feels to experience this for the first time,” explained Kylo. He paused for a moment, perhaps to listen to someone, before adding, “It’ll also help us make sure this doesn’t get overwhelming.”

Hux nodded, “That seems fine, so long as it’s just my nerves. Though, if it’s alright, could you do it silently?” Hux glanced at Mako briefly, “I’m not used to…being talked about like that.”

“That’s fair,” replied Kylo. He let out a slight cough as the other knights began settling in on the mattress, “So…we’re going to start now. Alright?”

“Alright,” echoed Hux.

Kylo reached out a bare hand. Hux watched Kylo’s face for a moment, then shifted his attention to his hand as it neared his face. Kylo pursed his lips and swallowed dryly before brushing his fingertips, barely making any contact, over Hux’s cheek. He shivered, and heard one of the knights on his left gasp lightly. They must have felt him shiver. That was interesting. He knew they shared physical experiences but to pick up on something so small was impressive.

Kylo slowly placed his full hand on Hux’s face, stroking his cheek and brushing it with his thumb. Hux was slightly unnerved by it. He’d been slapped in the face before, both playfully and seriously. He had been punched, he had been kicked, he had been cut, he had been grabbed, but this was new, and quite pleasant. Kylo’s hand was warm on his face. Was he allowed to settle into it, or should he remain still? He opted to stay still, studying Kylo as he was studied in turn, the knight tucking his now unruly red hair behind his ear.

Hux gasped as he felt a pair of exceptionally large hands settle on his shoulders. They cupped his boney frame completely and radiated heat. That must have been E’Chon. He shivered and shifted slightly as he felt a large finger brush his slim neck. It occurred to Hux that if the big knight had a mind for it, he could have circled one hand around his throat. Hux changed his position a little, uncrossing his legs and tucking them underneath him. This was a bit more comfortable. He felt better in a position where he could stand and move away if this got to be too much.  

Gaius settled in against one of his legs, using it as a pillow, one hand trailing over his knee. Hux shuddered and moved back, stifling a sound bubbling up in his throat. The knights did the same. Gaius glanced up at him and Hux heard a voice in his head.

_‘You have ticklish knees?’_

“I had no idea,” said Hux, slightly bewildered.

 _‘I’ll be careful then,’_ replied Gaius, resting a hand on his shin.

Hux felt a hand settle on his hand and lift his arm. Turning slightly he saw Hathor, prying at his fingers gently and examining the nails of each one carefully. Hux felt another hand start stroking his hair, raking it into place. Hux had known it was only a matter of time, his hair colour was an uncommon one, but he did not expect it to be the light-haired Seigurd to be so fascinated by it. Another hand settled across his lower back and Hux caught a flash of brown hair from the corner of his eye.

“That hand is not going any lower,” warned Hux.

Eleo shrugged, “You’re the boss.”

Finally Mako settled a hand just under his chin, first drawing a finger down his throat, then back up before brushing a thumb over his mouth playfully. Kylo, who was right in front of Hux and impossible to miss shot his brother a look. Hux could not see Mako’s expression. He would not be able to move without someone’s hand falling out of place. He tried to gauge what was happening by following Kylo’s expressions. Kylo turned back to him, “Is it okay if I touch your mouth?”

Hux wanted to shrug, but E’Chon’s big hands on his shoulders made it difficult. He would have nodded as well, but there were too many hands on and around his head. He would have to talk. “It’s alright…I suppose.”

Kylo raised another hand and cupped Hux’s other cheek. He felt large fingers brush over his lips and Kylo licked his own. Hux would have been perturbed if he had not remembered the odd feeling of sharing someone’s nerves and the compulsion to touch where he had felt contact.

Hux flushed as he felt six other hands begin to settle wherever they could find space. His back, his chest, his legs, his arms, in his hair, all stroking gently, squeezing, patting him reassuringly. Hux had never been handled this way before and he was not sure what to make of it. Hands. Fourteen of them. All over him. He squirmed, slightly uncomfortable with all of the personal attention he found himself at the center of. It was not a bad feeling, it felt nice, like he supposed a massage must feel like, but it was so strange being attended to like this.

It was nothing like a medical examination. Nobody was twisting or prodding him. It was nothing like the boisterous comradery he was used to; punches to the shoulder, hair pulling, light slaps to the face and kicks to the shins. It was all very careful, the knights all seeming to take great pains that nothing would hurt him or feel too invasive.

He felt fingers lace in his. Probably Hathor, who Hux remembered had been studying his fingers. When was the last time - apart from Gaius who needed his hand held to speak - he had held hands with someone? With dull surprise Hux realized if he had ever held someone’s hand like this, he could not recall it. He felt hands on his back squeezing gently and realized he had never felt this before either. The same went for everything else. It made Hux feel something, though he could not quite figure out what it was. It was different from regret, but it was the closest thing to the feeling that Hux had a clearly defined label for.

And why were they all doing this? For the first time in his life his selection for this odd position had nothing to do with merit. He had done nothing to earn this. The knights all seemed to have their own reasons for liking him - some Hux approved of more than others - but none of them seemed to involve him earning their strange attraction to him. They liked his features, a random consequence of genetics, they liked his fearlessness, a side effect of being stubborn and resilient, and they liked something about the Force around him, something that Hux had absolutely no control over. They had little interest in his schooling, his position, or his accomplishments. They seemed to like not because he was a General but because…

…he was Hux.

Hux pursed his lips and felt something that was certainly not liquid welling up in his tear ducts. He could not remember a single person who had taken an interest in him just for being Hux. He had always been an asset. His value had always been determined by what he had achieved and was capable of accomplishing. The idea of being valued simply for being himself was a completely alien concept. He was not sure if he liked it or not. It felt wrong. He had not earned this, but he wanted it to continue.

Hux lowered his face and shrank in on himself slightly.

   ***

Kylo stared in horror as Hux’s face turned a slight pink and his blue-green eyes cast themselves downward. His eyes looked watery, something that seemed terrifyingly unlike Hux. He projected his thoughts in a panic.

_“Shit! I think we broke him!”_

_“Oh…I can feel his emotions. Poor dear…I don’t think he’s ever been loved before.”_

_“He doesn’t think we’re hurting him, does he? Or taking advantage…”_

_“No. I would have to probe his memories and thoughts to confirm it, but I believe Hathor is correct. The darkness about him is slightly heartsick. I believe he just realized what his warped training methods have deprived him of for the past three decades.”_

_“Poor thing…he deserves better than that.”_

_“I feel so bad for him. This…it makes me sick thinking about it.”_

_“Careful. If he’s a hard-headed mathematical type like me, he probably won’t like pity. Right, Kylo?”_

_“Yeah, just, I’ve never seen him so sad before…”_

Kylo resisted the urge to lift Hux’s face. He seemed so sad and confused, but he could practically see gears whirling behind the General’s eyes as he mentally pieced himself back together. Kylo brushed his thumbs against his cheeks, ready to catch any tears if they started to fall. That was when Hux’s eyes flicked up to meet Kylo’s. They were hard and contemptuous as usual. His usual pallor was beginning to return, just a slight blush remained, likely due to the hands still running over him. His lips loosened and the message Hux was trying to send would have been clear even if Kylo could not read his emotions.

Hux was not about to start blubbering in front of a bunch of Rens.

Kylo snorted slightly and shook his head. That was just like Hux to think that. Even when he was surrounded by people willing to comfort him – Kylo could feel all the gentle touches and caresses that he and his brothers were sharing – Hux would rather bottle up what he was feeling and ignore it. It was going to get to him someday. One of these days all that darkness, hate, anger, fear and sadness that Seigurd had sensed buried deep inside of him was going to bubble up to the surface and explode.

In the meantime, everything felt…nice. There was no background conflict, just care and love. Rather than feel seven conflicting opinions and emotions, everyone felt the same. They all cared for Hux, they all thought he was beautiful, they all enjoyed giving him comfort and affection. It was wonderful just existing, experiencing everyone in agreement with each other. Kylo felt Hux shift slightly uncomfortably. Reading his emotions again, he was projecting discomfort, embarrassment and shyness. He really was not used to this. They would all have to let go soon.

_“Brothers, if I may?”_

_“Of course.”_

_“Methinks he requires it.”_

_“Just give me a second to get off his leg.”_

Kylo pulled back and Hux seemed confused at first as well as, to Kylo’s delight, a little disappointed despite the relief he also felt. His eyes widened slightly as he was grabbed from behind by E’Chon, the large knights arms nearly covering the entirety of Hux’s skinny torso. He squeezed tightly, but not roughly. Kylo flushed slightly as he vicariously felt how fragile Hux was, light and delicate pressed against E’Chon’s chest. He felt Hux’s soft hair tickling against E’Chon’s cheek and smelled the all the soaps and lotions mingling together. He flushed brighter. He’d always wanted to feel Hux in his arms like that. He’d always refrained because Hux probably would have hated being hugged from behind in the middle of a meeting or directing a battle, but the compulsion to do it was always there.

Hux glanced up at E’Chon, at least as much as his positioning would allow for. Kylo concentrated on his brother’s senses, not wanting to miss a second of living out what had been wanting to do for ages. He looked down at Hux through E’Chon’s eyes, watching the corners of the General’s mouth form a wry grin. Hux also had very pretty eyes, and they seemed to be even nicer squinting through the hair that seemed determined to obstruct his vision.

“Gracious you’re an affectionate one,” observed Hux.

He could also feel E’Chon’s arms around Hux, and the pleasure and security it seemed to make Hux feel. Kylo sighed slightly. Out of all of them, E’Chon definitely gave the best hugs, and he would probably spoil Hux for anything else.

E’Chon rested a cheek on top of Hux’s head. Kylo could feel him making an effort not to shout or project his voice, not wanting to blow out Hux’s eardrums, “And you’re very small.”

Hathor sat back and sighed, “You should probably try to eat a little more. We could all feel your ribs.”

“I eat enough,” argued Hux.

“Perhaps enough to barely keep a small bird alive,” grunted Eleo, “Whiskey doesn’t count as food.”

Hux gave as much of an indifferent shrug as he could in his position, “Whiskey has calories.”

“You require more nourishment than that. We can’t have our beauteous flower fade away before our eyes,” argued Mako.

“So, we figured out how this is going to work,” said Kylo, changing the subject a little, “E’Chon and I are going to lie beside each other, and you need to be on top of us.”

“Alright,” said Hux. E’Chon gave him an affectionate squeeze.

Gaius stood up and started to gather up pillows, tossing them to his brothers to lay in a pile. Kylo slid up beside his brother and looked at Hux a bit sheepishly. Was it right to do this? Hux knew they were all slightly attracted to him, but would he have agreed to this if he knew just how much Kylo wanted to be with him? It felt a bit dubious withholding that from him, and yet Kylo was terrified of scaring him away. He’d never gotten to be this close to Hux before, and he was worried if he said something now the General might not want to come anywhere near him.

_“Look, that one thing with the whipped cream and the cadet outfit might freak him out. You don’t need to give him the gritty details, but I’m pretty sure he knows how much you like him.”_

_“H-He does? How?”_

**_“It’s obvious,”_** chorused six voices.

_“Anyone who knows how to put a cannon back together can’t be an idiot. I’m sure he’s realized.”_

_“I just…it feels a bit like I’m tricking him.”_

_“Do you want to try telling him first?”_

_“I don’t know if I can…”_

_“Would you like one of us to tell him for you?”_

_“N-no, I want to tell him…I’m just…”_

**_“We know,”_** his brothers all replied with understanding.

“General,” said Kylo, tapping Hux’s shoulder to get his attention. Hux looked over at him and Kylo could feel himself flushing all over, melting into a little bundle of nerves and anxiety. Kylo tugged on the hem of his robe. It looked good on Hux. He always imagined, if they ever spent a night together, wrapping Hux up in one of his spares to keep him warm. He looked away and muttered, “I really…you…a lot.” He quickly blurted out, “Just thought you should know.”

He noticed through one of his brother’s eyes that Hux was cocking his brow and it just made his cheeks burn all the more. His nerves and embarrassment turned into a petulant fury as he continued to rave, “Don’t look at me like that! I’m trying to be nice to you. You don’t have to get all weird about it.”

He watched as Hux’s expression turn to annoyance as he rolled his eyes. Kylo sulked.

_“I blew it again…”_

_“No, I mean, he’s still in the room with us, right? That has to count for something.”_

E’Chon let go of Hux to lie down against the pile of pillows. _“Will you join me Master of Ren?”_

_“Yeah, coming.”_

Kylo lay down next to his brother and tried to seem disinterested. Hux looked them over, probably trying to figure out the best way to settle over both of them. Kylo thought he could lift the General with the Force without much trouble, he seemed light enough, but he could not imagine Hux would enjoy being picked up that way. Though, given how open he was to everything, he would probably enjoy it in a controlled environment where he could study it. It amazed Kylo that Hux was fearless when it came to the Force. Just curious.

Hux rolled over Kylo, something that made the knight go bright red. He laid against their shoulders, trying to get comfortable. He eventually settled his head on Kylo’s shoulder and asked, “Is this right?”

“You could always lie on your front,” suggested Eleo.

Hux glared up at him.

“Just a thought…” said the knight quietly.

Kylo started slightly, _“Can you not think about using his ass as a pillow!?”_

_“Look at it and tell me it wouldn’t be an amazing pillow!”_

_“Now that he mentions it, it did kind of looks comfy.”_

_“Yes, it might be nice to recline against it while reading the ancient-”_

_“His ass is not a pillow!”_

Eleo sighed and settled over E’Chon, lying across his chest and laying his head by Hux’s shoulder, _“Not as comfy, but I can pretend.”_

Seigurd stretched out across Kylo, tucking himself against Hux’s other shoulder and reaching up to touch his hair again, _“It’s the colour of a proper lightsaber. A most excellent shade.”_

_“I prefer to think of it as a lovely rose, a tragic anemone, a glorious sunset, a shimmering ruby-”_

_“Do you ever not talk in metaphors? So annoying…”_

_“Pay no attention to that grease-monkey, love. He’s a philistine.”_

_“Hey!”_

_“You sort of are…you’re not much for art.”_

_“Yeah but that doesn’t mean he should say it like that.”_

Hathor kicked Eleo’s foot lightly before settling over E’Chon and Hux’s sides as Mako lay down on the opposite side. They’re arms crossed over top of Hux and their fingers laced before giving each other a chaste good-night kiss. Kylo felt all sorts of joyful, sickeningly sweet emotions coming off of them and heard their thoughts perform a teasing round of ‘I love yous.’ Eleo looked like he might gag at all the cute, lovey thoughts. Hux was slightly flushed, taking pains to look away as soon as he noticed them going in for the kiss. Kylo felt a little discomfort coming off of him. With fraternization rules preventing officers in a relationship from serving together, Hux was probably not used to seeing public displays of affection. Kylo recalled he had felt the same before becoming a Knight of Ren.

_“We’re making him uncomfortable?”_

_“You’re making ME uncomfortable. Don’t I count?”_

_“Grease-monkeys should play with their guns and stay silent on romantic matters.”_

_“I’ll check.”_

“It’s not too much?” asked Kylo, a bit more challengingly than he meant to.

Hux’s eyes narrowed, “I’m fine. They don’t bother me.”

_“If we don’t bother him…and perhaps when he’s a little less startled by all this, perhaps he would not mind joining us for a night.”_

_“T’would be a fair thing to lie in the arms of such beauties.”_

_“H-Hold on! You can’t just proposition him like that!”_

_“Well not yet, obviously. We’ll wait for you to work up the courage and confess your feelings. We won’t steal him from you.”_

_“Then perhaps if you two are successful, the soft-handed General would appreciate a night in my arms!”_

_“Ugh, E’Chon, volume.”_

_“Oh, my apologies.”_

Gaius climbed over the pile of knights and lay down over Hux’s legs, his head resting by Mako and Hathor’s. The two knights made soft humming noises before tangling their hands in Gaius’ wavy hair. The small knight raised his hands to return the gesture, and Kylo could feel the smile plastered across his scarred face.

_“Do you think maybe, if he wanted to, he wouldn’t mind all of us?”_

_“Th-that’s a bit much, don’t you think!? Look at how small he is! We would break him!”_

_“You think that, but I can sense your desire. If the General wishes it, I would not be opposed. The darkness such a depraved orgy would-”_

_“Guys, please don’t think about orgies…”_

_“Why? Oh. Oh dear…”_

_“Emergency! Red alert! Fire down below!”_

_“Knock it off Gaius!”_

Kylo shifted slightly. He saw Hux’s eyes getting a bit heavy, and as much as he did not want to disturb the sleepy General, he wanted even less for Hux to come across his current dilemma. He could picture Hux, upon discovering Kylo’s sudden erection, stomping out of the room in a huff. He did not want Hux thinking they had brought him here for sex. Not that he would have been opposed to sex. He would not mind if Hux stirred, blushing, asking shyly if all of them would like to take him and…

_“Shit! Guys I can’t stop thinking about it.”_

_“Think about warp coils!”_

_“That snuggle-toothed old woman from the cantina on Tattoine in a slave outfit!”_

_“Think upon being eviscerated!”_

_“The Tragedy of Dark Plagueis!”_

_“No, you fool! He wants to role-play that with him, remember!?”_

_“Ah, yes. Think about Darth Sideous in his final years.”_

_“Being stranded on Hoth!”_

_“Rathtars eating your face!”_

_“O-Okay, I think it’s going away…”_

With all of his brothers sending him intense boner-killing thoughts, even with Hux falling asleep on his shoulder, he had an easy time willing the thing away. Still Hux lying against him like that was proving to be a great test of his mental fortitude. He was so peaceful, and Kylo really, really wanted to kiss him.

_“We could send you soothing thoughts and feelings. That always helps me sleep.”_

_“Yeah, I might need that.”_

_“Alright, I suppose we should all attempt to rest. Goodnight.”_

There was a chorus of goodnights, each knight trying to be the last to say it. Kylo called quietly for the lights to shut off. He could not move much, but he managed to lift a hand to run through Hux’s hair. He sighed quietly to himself as he tried to shut his brain off for the night, catching the fading thoughts of his brothers as they did the same, sending out warm, comforting feelings to each other. Kylo also sought out their feelings of Hux’s warmth as he summoned blankets from across the room with the Force. He thought about Hux’s heart beating, his chest rising and falling softly. It felt nice finally being this close to him. Kylo made up his mind.

In the morning he would tell Hux how he felt, or die of embarrassment trying.


	15. I really...you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Takes deep breath* WE HAVE FANART! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!
> 
> https://pixiepunch.tumblr.com/post/143722609252/totally-been-following-anorlost-s-fic-seven-to
> 
> http://anorlost.tumblr.com/post/143550889654/palalife-it-is-all-fandoms-fault-that-i-like

The first thought that entered Hux’s mind when he woke was how strangely warm he was. His bed was always pleasantly warm from his body heat after a decent night’s sleep, but it usually wasn’t this hot.

Then he opened his eyes and spotted Kylo and remembered everything. That was right, he had volunteered to be an oversized pillow for the Knights of Ren. He sighed as he heard seven different bodies breathing quietly around him in the dark. Hux settled back in, trying not to wake the knights piled around him. His legs were tangled around one of them. That was right, that was where Gaius was sleeping. Seigurd was latched to one of his arms, using it as a pillow. Eleo had rolled half on top of him. Mako and Hathor were tangled up around each other and Gaius across his abdomen. Hux sighed once again and wondered how exactly his life had come to this point.

Oh, right. Knights invading his ship, minor disruptions, soap, putting cannons together, lying on the conference table, a destroyed training room, nearly being abducted from the bridge, hive-minds, Rathtars, almost going insane, being paraded around the ship, waltzing, a bath with more soap than he had ever seen in one place before, un-maskings, group-cuddling, sleep…and now here he was. It made sense if he forced himself to pound the strangely shaped pieces together.

Obviously he had roused before the alarm had gone off. He lay back again, his head naturally rolling back onto Kylo’s chest. He had never slept with another person before, let alone seven, and was surprised he had as easy a time as he did falling asleep and not waking up multiple times during the night. It felt nice. Hearing someone else’s heart beating was strangely comforting. He closed his eyes. He could wait like this for a little longer. It was probably too early to get up. With so many bottles in the refresher, the knights no doubt had time-consuming morning regimens that they would need to wake up early for. For the first time in years, Hux did not get straight to work immediately after waking and settled back in to sleep.

   ***

He woke up again, this time without the confusion, but he was surprised to find Kylo staring down at him and feeling a large hand in his hair. Kylo immediately stopped as soon as Hux’s eyes opened and retracted his hand. Kylo whispered, “You’re finally up.”

Hux observed the other six were still sleeping and whispered back, “Yes, I suppose I am. What time is it?”

“Not sure,” whispered Kylo, “Want your slave-master?”

“My what?’ asked Hux.

“Your datapad,” explained Kylo.

Hux rolled his eyes, “Yes, and don’t call it that again.”

Kylo closed his eyes and less than a minute later Hux saw his datapad hover in front of his nose. He took it with his free hand and turned it on. He saw the time-stamp and his eyes widened, “It’s almost eight hours!?”

There was a chorus of groans around him as Kylo attempted to shush him. Hux tried to bolt up but was held fast by the knights huddled around and on top of him, “I need to be on the bridge in less than five minutes!”

Kylo grabbed his head and pressed him against his chest, “Go back to sleep Hux.”

“What!?” Hux hissed quietly, “No, you need to get them off of me so I can-”

“This is part of your job, remember? Escorting us to and from the pilgrimage site. You’re seeing to us personally. Send your crew a message that you’re taking care of us,” said Kylo.

“You don’t understand, I need to do my job. I’m the General, I’m the only one who can keep everything in order,” said Hux, anxiety creeping into his voice against his will.

“It’ll be fine. You’re always talking about how impeccably trained your men are, let them do their jobs. One late morning won’t cause the downfall of the First Order,” whispered Kylo, “Now go back to sleep.”

“But what if something happens?” insisted Hux.

“If something happens we’ll let you up so you can take care of it. Just…stay a while longer? They like having you here,” said Kylo quietly.

“I’ll stay,” said Hux, leaning back against him, “But I have messages to answer and arrangements to make. Do you mind?”

“No…go ahead,” sighed Kylo, resting his head on top of Hux’s.

   ***  

Kylo watched Hux tap away at his datapad. He always worked so quickly, Kylo could barely keep up with all the opening and closing tabs, and Hux’s fingers were a blur whenever he typed. He recalled Hux’s thoughts while directing their battle. He had been disoriented, frightened, scrambling to find and keep his bearings, but his thoughts had been going by at a clear, if disjointed, and rapid pace. Hux still made all his directions perfectly clear, and images of training and formations had flashed through his mind perfectly, but it had all been so quick with so many layers. Kylo knew Hux must have been good at multi-tasking in his mind, but he had not been prepared for just how good he was. If Hux had been Force-sensitive, his ability to focus on multiple problems and his pent-up rage would have made him formidable.

As it stood, he was still formidable, in his own way. Hux was probably the one non-Force-sensitive he would have been afraid to meet in a back ally. He always seemed to have a plan, a trap, something hidden up his sleeve. He had had no idea that he kept a pin with truth-serum tucked into his datapad.

“So where’s that needle you stuck E’Chon with?” asked Kylo quietly.

Hux paused his work long enough to slide a small needle out of a slot. Kylo arched his brow at it. He always thought that was some sort of aesthetic design, or perhaps a hole for speakers or a cooling fan. Hux tucked it back in before pulling out another, “And this one is Deadly Nightshade.” Another, “Muscle relaxant.” Another, “Rosary Pea extract, a personal favorite.” Another, “A knock out drug, my own concoction. Haven’t thought of a good name for it yet.”

Definitely did not want to fight with Hux in a back ally…

“Why in your datapad?” asked Kylo.

“It’s always on my person. And if I’m caught by the enemy during a battle, they’ll need me to send out an order to surrender. I pretend to send the order with my pad, then I stick them full of Nightshade and watch them die very, very slowly,” said Hux coolly.

“You’re sort of crazy,” said Kylo.

“You don’t survive Arkanis Academy without being a little crazy,” admitted Hux.

He continued to watch Hux work on his little machine and sighed lightly. Three words. ‘I like you.’ They ought to have been easy enough for him to say. He wished he had the confidence his brothers seemed to have. E’Chon would never have had this problem. Mako would not have hesitated to make flowery declarations of love. Hathor had always been very forward when it came to people he wanted. Eleo was unabashed about his preferences and did not keep quiet when he met someone he liked. Seigurd was confident, if intense. He was probably most like Gaius. They both shared the problem of being self-conscious, but the small knight was so easy going it was harder to notice his insecurities.

_“Good morning lovebirds. Did you tell him yet?”_

Gaius propped himself up slightly, his eyes half-lidded and sleepy, hair extremely mussed. He covered his mouth before he yawned, a high, soft sound coming from the back of his throat.

_“Not yet…I’m working on it.”_

_“Okay.”_

Gaius rolled off of Hux’s legs, dragging a blanket with him. He climbed up the mountain of pillows Kylo and E’Chon were propped against and stretched over it like an overgrown cat. The movement roused E’Chon, who opened his eyes and glanced up.

_“Good morning smallest brother!”_

_“Good morning biggest brother. I feel that you slept well.”_

Gaius pawed at E’Chon’s long, sleek hair and the large knight reached up to give him two reassuring pats on the cheek.

_“Indeed. The General is a most agreeable bedfellow!”_

_“Ugh, E’Chon…phrasing…”_

Kylo grimaced and patted Hux’s hair. Hux seemed to be oblivious to it as he worked.

_“What’s he doing? He’s moving through screens so fast.”_

_“Work, I guess. He’s never told me about it.”_

_“Have you ever asked?”_

_“I’m kind of scared to. If I did he might not stop talking.”_

_“A sound decision! It is time that might be spent preparing for battle!”_

Gaius tapped the top of Hux’s head. Hux glanced up before shutting off his datapad and passing his hand up to Gaius. “Yes?”

_“Good morning.”_

“Oh, right, good morning. Hope I didn’t wake you earlier,” whispered Hux. Kylo thought he had a nice whisper.

_“You did a little, but we went right back to sleep, so don’t worry.”_

Eleo woke with a soft groan. He looked about before waving with a slight grunt.

_“Aren’t you going to say good morning to him?”_

_“Shower and caf first. Caf…Caf…shower…hate mornings…”_

Eleo got up and stumbled towards the refresher. As he did, Seigurd woke. He looked down at Hux.

_“Ah, good, the vessel remained through the night. I thought he might have run off.”_

_“No, he’s here.”_

“You performed your function well, General,” said Seigurd, stroking Hux’s hair like he was a small lap dog, “Through our concurrence our bonds have strengthened. And your darkness is most exquisite.”

Hux arched his brow so high that in nearly flew clean off his face.

_“That sounded creepy.”_

_“Really creepy.”_

_“Most creepy indeed!”_

_“…shower…hate the morning so much…”_

_“It’s true.”_

_“You still said it creepy!”_

“I am going to commune with my brother. His hatred for this hour is wonderfully enriching,” said Seigurd, giving Hux’s hair a final, appreciative stroke.

“But he’s in the refresher,” said Hux quietly.

“Yes, that is where one usually goes in the mornings,” replied Seigurd.

_“He’s never used a communal shower before?”_

_“Probably, but maybe not recently.”_

_“…hot water…can’t wake up…I hate mornings…hate them…hate them…hate them…”_

_“Good, good, I can feel your anger. Let the hate flow through you. Now, move, you’re hogging the water.”_

Kylo felt warm water trickle over his brother’s bodies. It felt nice. As much as he was enjoying being Hux’s pillow, a hot shower was very tempting. Hathor woke up and looked across at Mako. He kissed his cheek lightly.

“Are you awake, dear?” he asked quietly.

_“Ay me, I cannot wake without true love’s kiss…”_

Hathor sighed and gave him a peck on the lips. Eleo’s consciousness tuned out slightly with a disgusted cry of, _“Morning breath!”_

“Your lips suck forth my soul, see how it bids me rise,” said Mako, rising. He looked over at Hux, “How lucky I am to wake betwixt such comely companions.”

Hux flushed slightly and looked away.

_“Stop teasing him and come help me wash.”_

_“Nothing could give me greater pleasure.”_

_“Do you two ever give it a break?”_

_“Philistine.”_

_“Priss.”_

_“Ah, what excellent hatred, first thing in the morning.”_

_“I want to get cleaned up too. Will you wash my hair, E’Chon? You do it best.”_

_“Of course, smallest brother!”_

_“E’Chon, tell me you put your braid back in before you slept. If not I’ll have to untangle it again.”_

_“I did not! And I believe you slept in your war-paint!”_

_“I…ah! No! I can’t believe I did that! I’m going to break out again!”_

_“There, there, nothing could mar your beauty.”_

_“Heh…”_

_“Shut up, Eleo!”_

“Hey, I’m going to go shower,” said Kylo softly.

“Do all seven of you even fit in there?” asked Hux.

“Yeah. Being connected makes moving around each other easy,” replied Kylo. Hux shifted off of him and stretched out against the pillows.

Now would be a good time. They were alone, the others were getting cleaned up. He could say it and then leave Hux to think it over. But then, if he left Hux to think, the General might run away. He pictured himself saying it. A quick, but firm declaration.

In his imagination, Hux turned and sneered, _‘You’re pathetic Ren. I only stayed to keep the seven of you in line. You’re disgusting. I can barely tolerate you.’_

_“…I don’t think he’d say that.”_

_“But he might…”_

_“Have courage and declare him yours!”_

_“You mean, ‘declare you love him.’”_

_“It means the same thing!”_

_“It really doesn’t.”_

“Hey, uh, Hu- I mean, General,” said Kylo, watching Hux, “Do you…do you like…” _“Oh kriff I can’t do it!”_ “Showers? With…other people?”

Hux rolled his eyes, “I think I’ve had enough group intimacy for one night, thank you. You go ahead though. I ought to have known you all washed together. I really need to stop being so surprised.”

_“Come get clean with us, dear. We’ll help you lick your wounds.”_

_“Yeah…coming.”_

***  

Kylo stepped out of the refresher to the smell of several blends of caf. He spotted Hux in the kitchen area of the guest quarters, with four pots of coffee steaming on the counter, and watching a fifth start to brew. It seemed he had taken it upon himself to make caf that everybody liked.

The second Eleo detected the sight and scent of caf through Kylo’s senses, he bee-lined for the kitchen. He summoned a mug with the Force and sought out his preferred blend, following the smell and poured himself a cup. He drank quickly and Kylo could feel it burn in a way that Eleo was insane enough to enjoy. The slightly scruffy knight looked up at Hux, “I can’t believe I was ever on the fence about you. Almost wish I could ask you to marry me.”

“Why not?” asked Hux. Kylo panicked for a moment before sensing Hux’s pure curiosity. The General continued, “Is your order forbidden to marry?”

“Huh? Oh, no, just…” Eleo trailed off as he felt Kylo’s worry, “I think there’s someone better for you. I’m just a grease-monkey who’s into butts. Or so I’ve been told. You could do a lot better for yourself.”

“You’re pleasant enough company,” noted Hux, taking the last pot of caf out of the brewer and setting it on the counter. He set the box he had pulled the packet from beside it. Kylo almost laughed. Hux just had to organize and label everything. The General took a mug for himself and poured himself a cup from the same pot as Eleo, “And I see you appreciate a cup of caf with a decent kick.”

“Yeah, really helps when you need to pull an all-nighter,” said Eleo. He looked over at Kylo, “He’s a bit out of it in the mornings. You should bring him a cup to help wake him up.”

“You can’t come get it yourself?” Hux called over.

_“I’m trying to set you up, don’t you dare move.”_

_“What’s going on?”_

_“Eleo’s trying to get the General to make Kylo some caf.”_

_“That’s sweet…for a gear-head.”_

_“Yeah, well, a certain skinny-assed narcissist taught me through observation.”_

Hathor and Eleo continued to bicker amiably and Kylo watched Hux, “Which blend is yours?”

Kylo stared speechless and pointed to the one in the center. Hux poured out a cup and asked, “Any cream? Sweetener?”

“One of each…” said Kylo quietly.

He watched Hux prepare his caf and walk it over to him. He was still wearing the robe around his shoulders, making him look smaller as it swallowed him up and trailed on the ground when he walked. Hux offered him the cup. It was so cute and sweet. Hux held the cup out to him, “Do you want it or should I pour it down the drain?”

“I want it,” said Kylo, taking it from him. He held it with both hands, waiting for it to cool slightly, already tasting the bitterness of Eleo’s favorite blend in his mouth. He tuned it out. Kylo knew if there was one thing the seven of them would never be able to concur on, it was caf.

Hux glanced over Kylo’s shoulder and pointed, “Do they always do that?”

Kylo did not need to turn to feel five bodies ducking out of sight and ten eyes shift from watching the scene in the sleeping area to looking at various parts of the refresher.

“Sometimes,” said Kylo, “Listen, General, I have…something I want to tell you.”

Hux shrugged, “Alright.”

“It’s important, so I need you to take it seriously, okay?” said Kylo.

“I’m listening,” replied Hux, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I…you…a lot…very much,” mumbled Kylo.

Hux cocked his brow, “Well you’re going to have to say it louder than that. I can’t read minds like everyone else you seem to surround yourself with.”

“But…you felt it right…after the fight?” asked Kylo. He started as he remembered what Hathor and Seigurd had discussed, “Oh…maybe you weren’t sure what it was.”

“Oh, that sunshine sort of feeling,” said Hux.

“Yes, that,” said Kylo, “I feel…that’s how you make me feel. I mean, sometimes you’re an ass, but you also make me feel like that. But you don’t know what it is, do you? The sunshine feeling. You…don’t know what it’s called...”

Hux took a slight step back, “I make you happy?”

“Something like that…” said Kylo quietly, gripping the cup in his hands, “And…if I can make you feel that way too, it would make me very happy. I know I’m not good at it, and you’re not really good with feelings or receiving affection yet, but I want to try.”

“You have a funny way of showing it,” Hux muttered out the side of his mouth.

“Is…is that a no?” asked Kylo.

Hux looked up at him appraisingly. Kylo could see gears whirring behind his eyes and knew Hux must have been considering, calculating, weighing his options. Hux’s emotional profile had always been a bit odd, since he was so good at containing himself, and it made him hard to read.

“You’d have to put more of an effort into not breaking my ship,” said Hux finally.

“So it’s a yes,” said Kylo incredulously.

Hux looked towards the refresher slightly, “How did Gaius phrase it…I sense your feelings, and I accept them.”

“I…that’s…that’s great,” said Kylo, grinning like an idiot.

“Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my caf is getting cold,” said Hux, turning around.

Kylo went to hug him and nearly forgot the mug in his hands. Damn. He needed a place to put it. Hathor snatched it from his hands with his elegant fingers.

_“Go embrace him. We all know you want to.”_

Kylo did not need to be told twice. With a few quick and nimble strides he had crossed the room and nearly tackled Hux to the floor. He rubbed his face against the ginger hair and gripped his slender waist tightly. He held him fast until Hux pressed a hand to his shoulder, trying to pry himself away.

Kylo let go and Hux turned, tucking some stray hair behind his ears, “I’m still not used to that.”

“It’s okay, I’ll help you,” said Kylo. He grinned slightly, “My little airstrike.”

Hux slapped Kylo’s chest lightly and went to find his caf.


	16. Extreme Makeover: General Hux Edition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Takes an even deeper breath* WE HAVE ART OF THE KNIGHT'S FACES OH MY GOODNESS THIS IS NOT A DRILL AND I AM DYING!!!!
> 
> thetrueceasar on tumblr drew them and oh my goodness they are all so close to how I imagined them and ahhhhh *fangirl flails*
> 
> http://thetruecaesar.tumblr.com/post/143770782290/after-chapter-13-of-anorlost-s-fic-seven-to-one

“There’s still the matter of this one’s bathing habits,” said Hathor, sipping from his caf. Hux noted his makeup had been reapplied, and the lines he had drawn around his eyes seemed cleaner. He wondered what the point was of putting on all that paint if he was just going to put the mask on, but thought better of questioning it out loud.

“I’m clean enough for inspections,” protested Hux.

“You say that, but I think I can change your mind,” said the knight with a grin. He finished off his caf before passing the cup to Mako. The other knight silently accepted it. Hux could only imagine what sort of sweet words they were probably mentally exchanging. Especially if Eleo’s eye rolling was anything to go by. Hathor rounded on Hux, who leaned back as the knight inspected his face. He gripped Hux by the chin, humming soft ‘mm-hmm’s from time to time as he twisted his face to get a better look at it. He mumbled softly, “It seems you naturally have very nice skin. You really shouldn’t abuse it.”

“You’re in for a treat,” said Kylo from his place beside Hux, “He gives _the_ best facials.”

“Look, as appreciative as I am with the offer, I do need to get back to work,” said Hux.

“We haven’t packed yet,” observed Hathor, “We can do this while the others get ready.”

Hux looked over Hathor, “I’m…really not interested in being made-up. It’s not regulation.”

“Just a cleansing then. I understand,” said Hathor stubbornly, shoving Hux towards the mattresses, “You just get comfortable and I’ll take care of the rest.”

“I volunteer myself as pillow!”

There was a crash, and Hux wrenched his face away from Hathor to see E’Chon dive onto the mattresses before scrambling into a sitting position. He slapped his thigh, sending a loud, echoing clap through the room before he thundered, “My lap is ready for you General!”

“I try not to make a habit of sitting in people’s laps…” said Hux hesitantly.

“Okay, I’m not letting you pass up on this. E’Chon has the comfiest lap,” said Eleo.

Gaius laced his fingers in Hux’s, _‘Besides, you’re so tall, you probably don’t get many opportunities to be held and cuddled by someone so much bigger than you._ ’

Before the Rens had wormed their way into his life, Hux had never even considered whether or not it might be pleasant to be embraced by someone bigger than him. Or being embraced at all for that matter. Excessive touching, hand holding, hugging, patting was seen as frivolous, especially when there was work. Hux had never really stopped to think about what he was missing out on.

“Yes…give in to your desire,” said Seigurd intensely.

Hux gave him a confused and slightly concerned look before moving towards the mattresses. Mako put down the cups he was holding and silently moved to the refresher. Despite being in a room full of Rens, it was eerily quiet. With them all communicating with their minds they probably had little use for talking amongst each other. Kylo occasionally looked over at him like a lovesick adolescent though, and Hux was not sure if he was comfortable with it or not. Not even twenty-four hours ago he was convinced Kylo Ren had made it his life’s goal to infuriate him. Still, Hux was curious about the knight, the emotions he had no words to describe, the idea of forming a bond with such a being. He was not sure he could call it love, he had no idea what it felt like, but there was an attraction, which had to count for something.

E’Chon pulled Hux into his lap and the General allowed himself to be manhandled into a comfortable position. Having a pair of arms around him felt strange. As Gaius had mentioned, he was used to being the tallest person in a room, so not only having someone be disproportionately larger than him, but having that larger person handle him so gingerly was a novel experience. It was almost like being a child again.

Mako returned and placed an armful of lotions and cleaning cloths on the mattress. Hathor approached and knelt down in front of Hux, cupping his face and appraising it again, “First I’m going to give it a good scrub, so this might feel a bit rough. I also want to clean up your eyebrows, which might hurt a little.”

“Nothing can be worse than basic,” said Hux confidently.

“Basic?” asked Hathor.

“Basic training. Everyone has to complete a fourteen week introductory training session before they’re admitted into the First Order Military,” explained Hux, “It was…lots of running, and push ups…they also gassed us, and we all needed to get pepper-sprayed at least once, I got sprayed with a fire hose quite a few times, and everyone had at least one day a month of being singled out for verbal abuse and hazing, oh, and crawling through the shit-pit, there was also sleep deprivation training, and then the time when-”

“That sounds horrifying,” interrupted the knight.

“It’s just basic,” said Hux with a shrug.

Hathor shot Hux a concerned look before setting a large cloth over a bottle and soaking up some of the strong smelling contents, “Basically horrifying…”

“I am curious about this pit of shit. Is this how warriors all your warriors are trained?” asked E’Chon.

“Everyone does basic, but there are separate training regimens for different types of personnel,” explained Hux, “Stormtroopers focus on physical aptitude, while officers put emphasis on academics and theory.”

“Then your Stormtrooper chieftain ought to be your strongest warrior…” said E’Chon thoughtfully.

“Captain Phasma? Yes, I would say that’s accurate,” replied Hux.

“I would like to meet this Captain Phasma of yours. He sounds like a worthy adversary!” declared E’Chon.

“She,” corrected Hux, “Captain Phasma is a woman.”

“Is she? It matters not, so long as she provides a decent challenge!” laughed E’Chon.

“She’d do more than that…” muttered Hux, recalling seeing Phasma once deadlift the severed wing of a TIE Fighter.

“Mouth closed,” ordered Hathor, “You don’t want to taste this, trust me.”

If it tasted anything like it smelled, heavily scented like apples and vinegar, Hux was fairly certain that he did not want a mouthful of it. The knight scrubbed his face firmly, but without the roughness that Hux usually used when washing himself. He also noticed whatever Hathor was using, it tingled. As soon as Hathor finished scrubbing an area and moved the cloth away, fresh air would hit Hux’s face and it would tingle as if someone had just applied anesthetic. For all Hux knew it might have been an anesthetic.

Hathor pulled back and held the cloth up for Hux to see it. There were dull grey patches all over it, “This, General, is all the grime that was on your face. Still think you’re ‘clean enough’?”

Hux stared at it in shock, “It’s not as if I never bathe. I shower every day. How did all that…?”

Kylo sat down next to E’Chon and leaned on Hux’s shoulder. He looked over the cloth and gave an astonished whistle, “Wow Hux, you’re filthy. I’m surprised you don’t stink up the entire ship.”

“Well if that’s how you feel, you don’t have to touch me,” said Hux flippantly.

Kylo sat in stunned silence for a moment before mumbling, “It’s not that I don’t want to touch you…I just…want to…help. That’s right. I can help. Pass me the cuticle press.”

Hathor arched his brow and looked at Kylo. A short silence passed before the knight sighed, passed a small case to Kylo and gave him a stern look. Kylo accepted it in silence before opening it. Peering inside Hux could see metal instruments, cotton swabs, cotton pads, small vials of liquid and brushes. Kylo took Hux’s hand and began to press some sort of metal tool against the skin where his nails began. He huffed slightly, “See, I’m helping. Stop jumping to conclusions Hux.”

Hux rolled his eyes as Kylo continued to work on his nails and Hathor selected another solution to put on his face. That was when he felt something start raking through his hair. Hux turned and saw one of E’Chon’s massive hands running through it. He arched his brow, “What are you doing?”

“Assisting,” said E’Chon proudly, “I will not sit idly while my brothers are at their toil!”

“It’s short, you can’t do anything with it,” protested Hux.

“Challenge accepted!” declared the knight before taking Hux by the back of the head and forcing him to look straight in front of him again.

So he had one knight in his hair, another working on his hand, and another about to start scrubbing his face again. It was…odd, but so far a surprisingly pleasant experience.

   ***  

_‘Sorry. Thank you. Sorry. Thank you. Sorry.’_

_‘Just don’t damage my instruments Master of Ren. Really…he accepted your confession. The time to be nervous is over.’_

_‘I panicked…’_

Kylo focused on giving Hux the best, and possibly the first, manicure he ever had in his life. It was a bit of a relief thinking that Hux had never had one done before. That way if he messed up, the General should not be able to tell the difference. It did not mean he wanted to intentionally do a bad job, but he was grateful for the lack of pressure. He was also thankful that he was just able to sit by and hold Hux’s hand. He had wanted to for a while, but knew Hux was probably not interested in walking hand in hand through the Finalizer. But here, away from prying eyes, it was nice.

He could also feel Hux’s hair under E’Chon’s massive fingers and focused on it, tuning out the others, who were either finishing off their caf or starting to pack up their things. It was still light, soft, and cool, in contrast to its fiery colour.

_‘It is a good colour! Red like the blood of our enemies! A fitting colour for a warrior!’_

_‘Red as a true lightsaber. I believe Darth Sideous’ hair was a similar colour in his youth.’_

_‘Red is the colour of passion after all. And it lends itself to such imagery, such poetry…’_

_‘Though, speaking of hair, E’Chon, do you need yours untangled and braided again?’_

_‘Ah, yes! I would welcome the assistance!’_

Gaius put his pack by the door and bounded over to E’Chon. He perched himself behind the large knight and started to work at the knots that had gathered in his hair overnight. It seemed to Kylo that E’Chon’s hair was always getting tangled. If it spend any amount of time unbraided, even if it was only for a few minutes, even if it was under his helmet, it would work itself into a series of little knots.

Kylo could see Gaius peer over E’Chon’s shoulder at Hux from behind, _‘What do you think having hair that short is like?’_

_‘Efficient, probably.’_

_‘Seig’s used to be shorter than the General’s. What was it like?’_

_‘It was less work, certainly, but too orderly. I prefer it a bit unpredictable.’_

_‘Ay me…would that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might-’_

_‘Oh no, I am not picking up your slack so you can play beauty shop.’_

_‘Eleo, it’s only this once.’_

_‘Assist me brother, that I may cease to mourn~’_

_‘Oh my god…’_

_‘You will help my dearest Mako, or else.’_

_‘Or else what? You’ll hit me? Not only would you chip a nail on my hard head, you’ll be smacking all of us.’_

_‘Do it, or I’m going to have marathon sex with Mako. And I will have him recite his enter body of work. Loudly. In your work space.’_

_‘…suddenly your request seems very reasonable to me…’_

_‘Huzzah!’_

Eleo threw up his hands and let out a groan as Mako practically skipped over the mattresses to sit on Hux’s other side. He took Hux’s other hand, ignoring the General’s surprise as he held his hand out for Kylo to pass him the cuticle press. Kylo sighed and set Hathor’s nail kit in front of Hux so they could both reach the supplies.

_‘How soft he glows already. Truly you are a wonder brother of my heart.’_

_‘I am, aren’t I?’_

_‘You’re both going to drive me insane…’_

_‘I think they’re cute.’_

_‘You would.’_

_‘It seems the vessel is being well attended…’_

_‘I sense you feel a bit left out.’_

_‘Oh dear…if only he had longer hair.’_

_‘He has feet though. He can work on those nails.’_

_‘Uh, guys? Maybe we should check with him first?’_

Seigurd moved to join the group and held his hand out towards Hux, “General, I would have you surrender your foot, the darkness commands it.”

“Excuse me?” asked Hux, trying to look as dignified as he could in his current position.

_‘Heh…’_

_‘It isn’t funny Eleo.’_

_‘It’s a little funny.’_

_‘Just explain it to him nicely, Seig.’_

“I wish to attend your foot,” said Seigurd, kneeling down.

Hux looked about him and Kylo could sense him assessing the situation. Kylo on his right, Mako on his left, E’Chon behind him and Hathor in front of him about to apply a clay mask. He sighed, “Well I suppose one more of you won’t make much difference at this point…”

“Stay your apathy. If anything is worse than repressed emotion, its feigned indifference,” lectured Seigurd as Hux uncrossed his legs and let the knight take hold of his right foot.

_‘His toes are so cute and tiny…’_

_‘Does this mean you’ll tell him about the fantasy where you want to take his foot and-’_

_‘Gaius I will end you!’_

_‘Nails are a bit long though. Be sure to clip them Seig.’_

_‘I shall perform the ritual in the fashion of our order. With a proper file and…by the Force how many knots does this man have in his foot!?’_

Kylo felt Seigurd press his thumbs into the bottom of Hux’s foot and then felt the General’s entire body jolt. Kylo was surprised he had never considered how much walking Hux probably did on any given day. The Finalizer was massive, and he might be called to any part of it at any given time to resolve a problem or oversee a task. He also seemed to spend all his time on the bridge on his feet. Combined with the boots he wore they were probably really sore all the time. Hux would probably love to retire to his quarters and be surprised by a decent foot massage.

As he rubbed an oil over Hux’s nails he thought about it. The General would walk in, exhausted, and Kylo would be waiting to help him take off his boots. Hux would relax and sigh, getting all cute and sleepy. Then maybe he would get so sleepy he would not be able to get out of his chair. Maybe he would be so sleepy Kylo would have to carry him to bed. Maybe he would be so sleepy he would need help getting the rest of his uniform off and-

_‘Take warning how thy mind pursuth delights, should thy unruly shaft once more ignite…’_

_‘Oh, that was a clever one, love. Nice iambic pentameter.’’_

_‘It even rhymed that time.’_

_‘You are all assholes! Mako I believed in you!’_

_‘I’m done with all your bags. Will that be all? Have I been a good little bag-boy?’_

_‘You’ve been a most agreeable grease-monkey. I’ll have to lend you something to help with those nails again. You had another one give you trouble a few weeks back, correct?’_

_‘Yeah, but the salts you gave me helped. I wouldn’t mind if you helped me restock my supply.’_

_‘E’Chon, you’re being…uncharacteristically quiet. You haven’t mentally screamed about battle and conquest for a while. You okay?’_

_‘The General is…small, in my lap, and most quiet…I find his presence…calming.’_

_‘Take careful not to become too calm, brother. We need your boisterous energy.’_

_‘So, room for one more?’_

_‘There’s still one foot.’_

_‘I think I’m done with this braid. Can I help you with his hair, biggest brother?’_

_‘Yes, my attempts at the hair knotting arts are less than satisfactory. I have shamed myself.’_

“Um…”

All of the knights looked up.

“Look…” Hux began awkwardly, “It’s not that I don’t appreciate or enjoy this. I do. But…it’s a bit unnerving with all of you being so quiet. A bit like you’re talking behind my back.”

“Oh, it’s sort of how we instinctively communicate with each other,” explained Kylo in lieu of an apology, “And you’re always telling me to be quiet and behave…” _‘Dammit!’_

_‘Relax, Master of Ren.’_

“Well now that we have begun this relationship, I expect you to be a bit more attentive to my requests,” huffed Hux.

_‘Your boyfriend is sassy.’_

_‘He’s not my- wait. Wait…Yes, yes my boyfriend is sassy. Is there a problem Gaius? Is there something wrong with my sassy boyfriend?’_

_‘Wh-what? No! That’s not how this is supposed to work! You’re supposed to get all mad and stuff…’_

“Heh…” Kylo laughed softly out loud before turning to Hux, “Eleo’s going to take care of your other foot.”

Hux sighed and leaned against E’Chon and Gaius’ hands, which were busily trying to arrange his hair into loose braids along the sides of his head. He muttered out the side of his mouth to Kylo, “I haven’t been in this compromising of a position in my entire career.”

“Then you must have had a very boring career,” teased Hathor.

“Not nearly enough depravity,” agreed Seigurd.

Eleo plopped himself down on the mattress and latched his hands around one of Hux’s feet, “With an ass that nice you should flaunt it.”

“Absolutely not!” protested Hux, “How does one even begin to go about flaunting their backside fully uniformed on a war vessel!?”

_‘Should I tell him?’_

_‘No, you’ll break his brain. Or he’ll kick you. Or both.’_

Kylo looked down at Hux’s nails. He had agreed with Hathor’s assessment that the General had nice, well-kempt nails, but now they were something else. Clear, shimmering and watery. Kylo ran a finger over one, testing its smoothness. He held it up for Hux to look at, “What do you think, General?”

Hux looked down at his hand in shock, “What did you do? You didn’t put polish on them, did you?”

“No, no polish. Just filing, buffing, cleaning, oils, no polish,” assured Kylo.

Hux examined his hand and ran his thumb over his nails, as if to assure himself they were real and on his own hand. Waving it slightly he watched the light reflect off of his nails, taking childish delight in it. Hux seemed nothing like his usual self when he was like this. Curious, content, free from worry. It made Kylo wonder what he might have been like if he had not been destined for a military life.

“They’re almost like my boots,” observed Hux, “I didn’t think they could look this way without polish.”

“So, you like them?” asked Kylo.

“I’m a bit sorry I have to put my gloves on after this, actually,” admitted Hux.

“I need your face back for a moment, just finishing up,” assured Hathor, turning Hux’s chin to look at him, “Just stay put.”

Hux gestured around him with his free hand, “I don’t think I could move if I wanted to.”

“Yes, surrender yourself to the dark side of the Force,” said Seigurd ecstatically while taking a buffer to Hux’s toenails.

“It’s just not quite the same when you say it, Seig,” noted Eleo, “I mean, I know what you’re going for, but you’re no Darth Sideous.”

A conversation was stuck over whether or not the former Emperor would have given Grand Moff Tarkin a mani-pedi if it meant reaping the benefits of the darkness. Kylo mostly tuned it out, opting to hold Hux’s free hand. The Force around him was calm and relaxed, and slightly exhilarated. While the cuddling had been awkward for him, Hux seemed a bit more comfortable with it when there was a clear objective involved. The fact that the goal was to wait on him hand and foot did not hurt either. Kylo nearly sighed at Hux’s arrogance as he settled against the General’s free shoulder.

This was nice. He had his brothers, and he had Hux. They were all happy. He did not need…he did not want…

A warm home on a Forest Planet far from here. A mother and father wrapping their arms around him. The softness of an old friend’s fur pressed against his face. The now strange and distant feeling of light engulfing him.

_‘You miss them?’_

_‘I get nostalgic for the good times. I know there was bad too, but the parts that were good are so hard to let go of.’_

_‘I can feel your sadness and conflict. We don’t envy you your burden Master of Ren, but if we can, we will endeavor to lighten it.’_

_‘I don’t know if anyone can.’_

_‘Then until this feeling leaves you, we will be here.’_

Kylo started as Hux leaned over, resting his head on Kylo’s, “You’re all doing it again aren’t you?”

“It’s hard not to. It’s easier than talking,” said Kylo. It seemed his brothers had finished, but Hux was not moving. Kylo glanced up at him, “What are you…?”

Hux paused before speaking, “I don’t have the Force, but I can read micro-expressions. They’re concerned and you’re upset. I’m trying to comfort you. Is it working?”

Kylo came very close to laughing but by some miracle kept it contained, “Yeah, you’re a natural.”

“No need to get sarcastic…” muttered Hux.

“Before you go mussing our hard work General, have a look,” said Hathor, holding up a looking-glass.  

Kylo felt Hux’s surprise before he saw it. He watched Hux look at his reflection. He still looked tired, nothing would be able to cure the permanent bruising around his eyes with a single treatment, but Hux looked different. His brows were neater, his skin, which usually seemed frighteningly ghostly was now a softer sort of ethereal. With the loose braiding in his hair he looked the part of some wayfaring, woeful spirit from a fairy tale. The oversized black robe around his shoulders did nothing to dispel the image of a little lost soul in Kylo’s mind.

“I left you plenty of what I used, so I expect you to keep up your regimen, General,” said Hathor, “I trust you see the difference between care and disinfection?”

Hux looked away from the glass and gave an awestruck nod. He touched his face experimentally. He looked at Kylo, his brows furrowing in confusion as the Force around him became rich with curiosity and novel-excitement, “My face feels different.”

“No longer is it subjugated by the dead cells! Our brother has done battle with them and emerged the victor!” proclaimed E’Chon.

“No, you don’t understand, my face feels different,” said Hux, almost deliriously. He grabbed Kylo’s hands and cupped them around his face, “This is not what my face feels like. My face has never felt like this.”

Kylo had no idea what possessed Hux to suddenly be so shameless over people touching his face, but he was not about to complain. He nearly flushed, but Hux was looking at him in such a determined, forceful way that Kylo found he simply could not. Hux barked at him, “This is not what my face is supposed to feel like!”

“Yes it is,” said Hathor bluntly.

“You uh…want to put on your uniform?” asked Kylo.

“No. I mean yes, but…” Hux floundered, pulling back and patting his hands softly against his face, “It doesn’t feel right…none of it feels right.”

“Yeah, it’s weird at first, but it’s weirder going back to not washing like that,” said Eleo, “I tried it once, I only lasted a few days before I started to feel gross.”

Kylo helped Hux haul himself up, still patting his face and touching his nails in a state of disbelief. He almost wished they had been taking a holovid of this. It was strange seeing Hux so out of his element and going crazy over something as simple as a facial. It more or less confirmed what he had always suspected; military types were crazy.

As Hux went off, still occasionally tapping his face, Kylo and his brothers began to replace their masks.

_‘So…this was an interesting pilgrimage.’_

_‘I could have done with the temple not being overrun by monsters. It was sacrilege.’_

_‘Nay! The Rathtars were a most glorious addition!’_

_‘Didn’t get as much done as I thought we would, but I guess finding a vessel with a nice ass makes up for that.’_

_‘Can we not talk about his ass?’_

_‘I’ll stop talking about butts when I’m dead.’_

_‘It was a most enjoyable chance to recharge before our next mission, right love?’_

_‘But of course dearest of my brothers.’_

_‘You think maybe we’ll get to do this more often?’_

“Well, I’m finished, ready to leave?”

Kylo turned and saw Hux, fully uniformed, in just a scarce few minutes. The rest of the knights turned and stared. Hux furrowed his brow, “Look, if you wear the same thing every day for years of your life, you learn how to put it on quickly.”

_‘Sorcery…’_

_‘How…?’_

_‘All the padding…how does he walk?’_

_‘He looks good though. I can’t say I’m fond of military practices or lifestyle, but they do know how to dress.’_

Hux groaned, “Could you talk with your mouths if you don’t mind?”

“Ugh, yeah, we’re working on it,” grumbled Kylo through his modulator. _‘Shit!’_

Hux rolled his eyes, “Then let’s get going, shall we?”

As he turned, Eleo moved forward. Kylo barely had time to register the other knight’s thoughts before Eleo had dashed behind Hux and grabbed his ass with both hands. Kylo gasped as he felt Hux’s butt through his brother’s hands and turned beet red behind his mask.

Hux turned and backhanded the knight across his masked face. Kylo felt a dull thud as Eleo stumbled back. Hux yelped, “What do you think you’re doing!?”

It was a sentiment the other knights echoed.

“Just a souvenir…to remember you by,” said Eleo slyly through his modulator. His hands raised in front of him, flexing and squeezing at empty air, “Can I get another for the road?”

Hux then did a very un-Hux-like thing and pounced on Eleo, tackling him to the ground, “Grab _my_ ass will you!? Have at you!”

Seeing them start to wrestle on the floor, Hathor surged forward, “Eleo, no! We just got him clean! Mako back me up!”

“With sweetest pleasure,” added Mako.

“Nay! Let us do battle!” declared E’Chon.

“As the darkness commands!” added Seigurd.

Kylo felt something soft collide with the back of his head. Gaius was standing on the mattresses, a pillow held aloft before mentally declaring, _“Pillow fight!”_

It seemed they were not going to leave right away as they had planned. Kylo summoned a pillow with the force and, with a grin, went to get Eleo’s hands off his boyfriend’s ass.


	17. I would like that...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally at the end everyone. Thank you so much to everybody who has been following along over the last seventeen days. It's been a fun ride. I didn't plan it this way, but it works out that I'll be posting this at the tail end of May the 4th. Kind of fitting. 
> 
> This whole thing has been amazingly fun and I am so happy that people enjoyed this as much as they did. You guys are the best. 
> 
> ...I promised myself I wasn't gonna cry...

The knights were gathered in the hanger, ready for their various craft to take them back to their separate corners of the galaxy. They were unrecognizable from the way Hux had seen them earlier that morning. Asleep and curled around each other, lazily heading to the refresher, enjoying caf with one another, showing off their grooming techniques... If he had not seen it for himself Hux doubted he would have believed it. Looming ominously behind him as they drifted through the hanger, they seemed nothing like their odd, rambunctious selves.

Hathor had smoothed his hair in place with some sort of wax Hux had never heard of after the impromptu pillow fight. He was not sure it felt right. His face still felt all wrong from being rubbed with all those strange lotions. He must have looked different, judging from the looks people gave him and the way Kylo leered at them in turn. That was another thing he never would have believed. Kylo Ren liked him and wanted to make him happy. More than that, Kylo felt something for him that was a bit like sunshine. Hux had no idea what label he was supposed to put on the feeling, but he had liked it, and Kylo, wanting to make him happy and was willing to try to curb his ship destroying activities. It make him feel something that was a little more than happiness, but not exactly sunshine, but Hux had no idea what exactly he ought to call the feeling.

“So, where are you lot off to, or am I not privy to that?” asked Hux.

“Classified,” said Hathor and Mako simultaneously. Mako added, “Do forgive us sweet, radiant ruby of warfare.”

“I suppose you have your reasons, what of the rest of you?” asked Hux.

Seigurd spoke up, “Dagobah, the supposed resting place of the Jedi Master Yoda. There are rumours that while training there, Luke Skywalker had a vision of Darth Vader there. If it is true, it would be an excellent place for meditation. It must be a place that is strong with the Force.”

Gaius trotted up and took his hand, _“Arkanis. I’m stopping there before going to the Outer Rim for training.”_

“You’ll want something waterproof then. It rains four days out of a standard week. Almost no sun,” said Hux, ignoring the strange looks a group of maintenance workers were giving him. He must have seemed strange, looking like he was talking to himself and walking hand in hand with a Knight of Ren.

 _“Your feelings…that’s where you’re from, isn’t it? You’re Arkanan?”_ asked Gaius.

“I lived there once, yes,” replied Hux.

 _“Explains why you thought of Kylo’s feelings as sunshine,”_ mused Gaius.

“I shall go to the front to conquer my enemies and trample them underfoot!” announced E’Chon.

“I might have known,” said Hux, “And you?”

“I’ll return to our nearest safe-house. I’m working on something there. Your cannons gave me some ideas,” said Eleo.

Crossing into the shuttle bay, Hux stayed behind. The knights stopped and turned. Hux shrugged slightly, “This is as far as I can go. Only shuttle crews and mechanics are allowed past this point. I wish you all a safe and successful journey.”

The knights stared at him for a moment. Hux wished their masks were off. He had no idea what sort of looks they were giving him. After a few moments Gaius Ren ran up and wrapped his arms around Hux’s waist, _“I’m going to miss you a lot…”_

Hux furrowed his brow. Being missed? That was new. He patted Gaius’ helmet, “There now, don’t go falling to pieces on me. You’re a soldier, aren’t you?”

“You forget who you are speaking with,” said Seigurd indignantly, “Our feelings make us stronger. Denying them makes us weak. I believe you’re the one who’s beliefs are backwards, General.”

“Posturing causes unsightly lines,” agreed Hathor. With all the black the knights were wearing, anyone watching from a distance would have not noticed Mako’s hand entwining Hathor’s.

“I look forward to gazing upon your luminous visage again, General,” called Mako.

“And your ass,” added Eleo. Hathor kicked him lightly.

“Yes! We shall see him again in two weeks hence!” announced E’Chon.

Hux stared them down, “…what?”

“We agreed it would be a good idea to meet again in a few weeks. For training…and meditation?” said Kylo, though he sounded uncertain.

“Yup, see you in two weeks,” said Eleo, giving a sort of salute with two fingers before turning to leave.

“I part with you sweet General, though I die,” said Mako, going into a swoon before Hathor began to pull him towards a shuttle. The other knight added, “You had better keep up that hair care regimen. I’ll be able to tell if you didn’t.”

“I shall return and bring you the heads of my foes as penance for my harshness!” announced E’Chon.

“Your hate is strong, but take care not to be destroyed by it…it would be a waste of your other charms,” said Seigurd, slightly awkwardly as he turned.

Hux yelled after them, “You can’t just all decide you’re going to meet here without telling me! This is a First Order Star Destroyer! A war vessel! Not a hotel for space wizards!”

Hux could have sworn he heard modulated laughter as the knights disappeared into their shuttles. Gaius still held him tightly, _“Could you try hugging me back?”_

The General glanced about, hoping not too many of his men were watching as he put his arms around the small knight’s shoulders, “Like this? Am I doing it right?”

 _“You’re doing it fine,”_ replied Gaius before pulling back, _“I should go now…goodbye General.”_

“Goodbye Gaius,” said Hux.

Hux watched the shuttles take off one by one, with Kylo standing by his side. He felt strange, and not in a good way. Something inside him felt empty, like he had skipped two meals in a row. It was a bit like regret, but he could not think of anything specifically that he had neglected to do or say. Something about standing there was making him…melancholic. He was upset to see them all go, despite the fact that he ought to be happy that he was free from the headaches they were bound to have caused if they stayed. Hux sighed. What on earth was he supposed to call this? How dare the knights give him these strange feelings.

   ***

Kylo turned slightly to look down at Hux. His eyes widened in astonishment.

_“He’s…he’s lonely…”_

_“What?”_

_“He’s lonely. I don’t think he knows it, but that’s all I can feel from him.”_

_“He misses us? I shall have to bring him back the choicest of skulls!”_

_“Mako! Turn the ship around! That poor thing needs nurturing!”_

_“Dearest brother of my heart, our mission-”_

_“Can wait!”_

_“He’ll be fine. He probably needs a few weeks to sort things out with Kylo anyways.”_

_“Master of Ren, do take care of him. He’s so helpless…”_

_“His darkness may become stronger the more he accepts his emotions. Do monitor his progress for me, Master of Ren.”_

_“If he’s sad, maybe you should hold his hand.”_

_“I want to, but, I don’t want to embarrass him. He’s kind of private that way.”_

**_“Private?”_** asked six voices.

_“Well you remember what I used to be like when I first joined. How I used to try to hide things. He’s like that.”_

_“Oh, goodness…then our poor General has a long journey ahead of him.”_

Kylo looked down at Hux, who starred out as the doors to the shuttle bay began to close, cutting off line of sight to the knights. He continued to stare anyways. Kylo nudged him, “Do you miss them?”

“I’ll be glad to return to a normal work cycle,” said Hux.

It was not a complete lie, but it was not the complete truth either. Kylo sighed and tugged on the hem of his sleeve, “They like you.”

“Yes…they made their affection perfectly clear,” said Hux quietly.

“I…like you the most though,” said Kylo childishly. Hux turned and Kylo could feel the General looking up at him quizzically. Kylo added quietly, “That’s the sunshine feeling…it’s called fondness. I’m…very fond of you.”

“Oh…” said Hux quietly, clasping his hands behind his back. He seemed to feel surprised and embarrassed by the word.

“I’d…like to kiss you. Maybe somewhere private. If you’ll let me,” whispered Kylo, “…make it official…”

“If you want…” replied Hux, his voice barely above a whisper, “I think I’d like that.”

_“Hux and Kylo sitting in a tree…”_

**_“K-i-s-s-i-n-“_ **

_“Oh you can all fuck off!”_


	18. The Saga Continues...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, if anyone is interested and still subscribed, I wanted to let everyone know that this story has a sequel! I wasn't going to let people know this way at first, but it was suggested in the comments that I do, so, here's a preview of the next installment! You can read the whole thing over here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/7183613/chapters/16303691 It updates weekly, as opposed to daily, but if ever I get enough time to hammer out the rest of the fic, I will switch back to daily updates. Hope to see y'all on the flipside!

“Queen of Ren!?” barked the General.

“I was going to tell you!” insisted Kylo, “It’s just a title.”

“A woman’s title!” snapped Hux, “Well, I suppose all that ‘care-giver’ nonsense makes sense now! I suppose I’d need one of you to help me look after all the bloody babies, is that it!?”

“Calm down Hux!” Kylo snapped back.

“No, I will not calm down!” growled Hux, “For once, _I’m_ going to have the outburst! Why didn’t you approach me about this first!? You can’t just go volunteering me for away-missions!”

“I was going to!” Kylo shouted back, “Alright? I was going to ask my Master first, then let you choose if you wanted to come or not. I figured it was better this way.”

“And you didn’t think I didn’t deserve some warning!? And that was…completely humiliating and uncalled for!” thundered Hux, taking a moment to search for the right words.

“I said I was sorry!” Kylo yelled, “Once again, everything is all my fault! Forgive me General, I just can’t seem to do anything right for you!”

“Don’t give me that self-pitying tripe!” said Hux, lowering his voice to a hiss as he regained some of his composure, “I’m going to check on the shields. I’m going to walk away and pretend this didn’t happen for the rest of the day, but don’t think I’ll forget it. We’re going to have a very serious talk about this later.”

“Go ahead and run away,” growled Kylo. He instantly regretted the entire exchange. Clearly he had miscalculated and was in the wrong here. He should have talked to Hux first. He at least deserved some warning. Kylo could see that now. And Snoke talking about Hux’s function had only made things worse. Kylo wanted to apologize, sincerely, say he never meant to hurt Hux, send out his feelings and hug him close until all the hurt and embarrassment went away.

Instead he put his foot in his mouth by calling after Hux, “You can’t just boss me around like one of your pawns!”

Hux turned and stood before the now open blast doors, “Oh, can’t I Ren? After all, I’m your god damned Queen.”

Kylo sighed. Hathor was going to kill him…

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Seven to One (podfic)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6782632) by [Helpivefallenintoafandom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helpivefallenintoafandom/pseuds/Helpivefallenintoafandom)




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